


From These Ashes

by shelikesthesound



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Drama, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, References to Suicide, Romance, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-03
Updated: 2012-06-30
Packaged: 2017-11-06 17:01:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 60,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/421228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shelikesthesound/pseuds/shelikesthesound
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We begin at the end and work our way through the tragic love story of Bella and Edward. Hurt, pain, miscommunication, loss, and lack of faith stand in the way of their relationship. But what do you do when it's your fault happily ever after is just out of reach? Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. In the end, no one is innocent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. We All Fall Down

**Author's Note:**

>  
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> Banner made by DivineInspiration
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> Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

~.~.~.~

Ring around a rosy  
Pocket full of posies  
Ashes, ashes  
We all fall down

~.~.~.~

 

**  
**

_Edward Masen._

That name brings to mind many emotions—love, hate, despair, bliss, pain, comfort. He was everything to me and the bane of my existence all rolled into one. He was a demon from the depths of hell on a mission to steal my soul. He was an angel sent from heaven to be my redemption.

Edward once said that our love was like a powder keg—volatile, but when ignited, would light up the entire night sky.

He always had pretty words for me. It was just too bad he never meant what he said.

 _Fucking bastard_.

It wouldn’t be fair for me to place all of the blame on him, though. I wasn’t some weak girl that let him steamroll me. Instead, half of all our problems were caused by my thirst for revenge. When he hurt me, I tried to make him hurt worse. It was a never-ending cycle of pain, betrayal, and the need to even the score.

Sitting on the bathroom floor, I looked around the sterile white space. It was a shame. I had always imagined I’d die in my own bed or in some kind of romanticized, blaze-of-glory type situation. The hurt, pain, and shame that I still carried with me, even after all those years, made that impossible, though.

 _Edward Motherfucking Masen_.

I knew it was cliché, killing myself over a lost love who had probably never loved me back. Bad movies, and even worse songs, had been written about the subject time and time again. But the article in the newspaper I had seen a few days before had broken the locks on the turmoil I’d tried to bury deep, letting the pain consume every part of my soul.  I was about to become a statistic, and as I thought about it, I couldn’t have given less of a shit.

I picked up the small paring knife lying next to my leg, turning it over and over and wondering what it was really like to slip into oblivion. Did you see your life flash before you in a collage of memories? Did a white light at the end of a long tunnel beckon you? Or was everything we’d ever been told about the journey into the afterlife a pile of lies, and nothing was waiting for you on the other side?

A sob bubbled up in my throat. I was scared, but at the same time, I was determined. It was hard work to keep up a façade of happiness when you were dying on the inside, and the will to keep my wall up just wasn’t there anymore. I craved the peace that was promised when you fell into death’s embrace.

A strong face with auburn hair and green eyes invaded my mind as my eyelids slid shut. The memories of Edward’s smug smile that could get me to agree to any crazy plan he would come up with, and those hands that had explored every inch of my body fluttered through. The _I love you_ s, the _you are everything to mes_ , and the _I promise I’ll never leave yous_ echoed in my skull like a pounding headache.

My eyes snapped open, and the tears poured down my face. My emotions switched, and rage colored my vision. I stood up and threw the knife across the room, watching as it clattered on the floor.

 _Fuck you, Edward_.

 _And fuck me, too_.

Turning my head, I saw the girl in the mirror mocking me. She was a shell of the beautiful woman she had once been. Her emaciated form from years of drug abuse and self-destructive behavior stared back at me accusingly. Unable to face the truth of the reflection, I smashed my fist through the glass. A loud shattering sound reverberated through the small space as flesh and bone met the breakable glass over and over again. I pulled away, my chest heaving with hard pants from the exertion of pounding the mirror until it was nothing more than a pile of broken glass.  As the shards fell into the standalone basin and onto the floor, I could hear a high-pitched tinkling sound.

I leaned over the sink and noticed my knuckles were coated in red. Raising one of my hands up, I clenched it tightly and watched as the blood flowed slowly from the cuts created in my release of anger. I turned my still-closed fist from side to side, mesmerized by the sight. The funny thing was…I felt no pain. A hysterical laugh escaped me as I realized that I was, for the first time in my life, blissfully numb. All the fears about not being able to handle the pain associated with slitting my wrists vanished. If it hurt at all, I was confident that I could handle it.

My letter to him had already been written, and I had sent it out the previous day. All of my goodbyes had been mailed at the same time. My mother and father, my former best friend, my roommate, and the one person I wished, more than anything, I could make amends with—even though, nothing I could ever do would make up for the pain I’d caused that person.

I looked away from my bloodied hand and shifted my gaze to the shards on the tile. Bending down and picking up a large piece, I decided that I was going to be theatrical and even more cliché by cutting myself with a piece of a mirror to end my life.

It was somehow fitting that I would use a symbol of my former vanity and pride, reducing myself to the joke that everyone I’d ever known had secretly whispered to each other behind my back. If the gossip hounds of Forks could see me, I knew the rumor mill would be working overtime.

I stood back up and walked over to the bathtub, ignoring the slight sting as the tiny splinters of the looking glass embedded themselves into my feet. The crimson trail behind me was hard to miss as I turned and sat down in front of the tub. It was also impossible to deny the sight of the once pristine and immaculately white bathroom had morphed into something much more macabre. Broken glass in various sizes covered half of the floor combined with the bloody footprints, resembling the chaos I felt on the inside.

 _Maybe now,_ he _will finally see me_.

Letting that thought drift away, I placed my left arm, palm side up, on my thigh and tried to will myself to make the first slice. Harsh breaths replaced the eerie quiet of the bathroom as I lifted the sharp glass and pressed it into my skin. As I made the vertical cut, I pushed hard and felt the snap as the tissue gave way. The pain was great, but the lack of emotion I had for anything made it easy to stay on task.

Once the crude, jagged three inch incision was finished, I switched hands and started on the other arm. In my planning, I hadn’t expected that I would lose the use of my left hand, making it almost impossible to carve my right wrist. I was only able to open it up a small amount before I dropped the crude, makeshift blade onto the floor. It clattered when it met the tile, and I could feel the blood running down my hands in rivulets as they went slack against the ground.

My head tilted back, and I welcomed the pain while the minutes passed. My life was slowly slipping away—all I could think about was that it had been a success. One goal that I had made for myself had been met. A twisted smile pulled against my lips as the sick sense of pride washed over me. I was not a failure, after all.

My last thought, before my eyes closed and the blackness overtook me, was of him—Edward. I could see his beautiful face clearly, and I let myself bask in daydreams of the one thing I’d always wanted but had never gotten.

Edward…without complications.  


	2. Very Gently Will Play

~.~.~.~

I love little pussy  
Her coat is so warm  
And if I don’t hurt her  
She’ll do me no harm  
So I’ll not pull her tail  
Nor drive her away  
But pussy and I   
Very gently will play

~.~.~.~

 

**  
**

One hundred and eighty days.

It was the exact number of days I’d have to spend in my own personal hell before I would be set free. It was the number of days I’d have to keep my nose clean and stay out of trouble. It was the number of days I’d have to wait until I could give the good people of Forks, and the people who thought they were my friends, the middle finger, blowing that pathetic excuse of a town.

I wasn’t what you’d call a model student, but my three-point-one grade average was nothing to be ashamed of. I could show up in class, take a nap, and still, somehow, pull off a B average for the semester. Yes, I was one of those students everyone hated. One that hardly hit the books, went out and partied, but still walked away with a passing grade. The teachers hated me, but what could they do? I turned in my work, took their tests, and showed up to class. I wasn’t breaking any rules. I just wasn’t going to be a fucking brown-noser and play their fucking games.

I spun the dial on the combination lock, careful to line up each number as I did, and opened my locker. Placing my coat and bag inside, I took a deep breath. _You can do this, Edward. Just one hundred and eighty days to g_ o.

I turned and shut the door, after grabbing my supplies, grimacing. Looking at my fellow high school students, it was hard to not feel anything but disgust for them. They were so concerned with the most unimportant things. Things that didn’t mean shit in the grand scheme of life. Who fucking cared if so and so was dating a certain guy, if a particular girl was homecoming queen, or if one guy got into a fight with another?

High school gossip was like junk food for the brain. It rotted it and turned you into another mindless zombie. I didn’t care about anyone or anything that graced those halls…save for one. Every person I came into contact with was only a means to an end.

Most guys wanted to hang around me so they would become cool by association. Girls, well, they just wanted to try and tame me. The joke was on them, though, because I wasn’t someone to be placed into another’s idea of who I should be. The whole girlfriend/boyfriend mess wasn’t for me. Most of the girls at the school were nothing more than something to fuck. They had no real aspirations or motivation to get out of that backwater town, and I was going places. There was no way some chick was trapping me into staying.

I made it to homeroom with a few minutes to spare. I couldn’t be bothered to show up to school any earlier than was absolutely necessary. What was the fucking point, anyway? I really didn’t care to see anyone, so why should I sacrifice sleeping in an extra half hour to hang out with people who didn’t matter?

I took my seat and laid my head down, wishing the day was over with already. A sound reminding me of nails dragging against a chalkboard met my ears as a voice I wished would go away echoed through the room. That noise could only mean one thing, and I cringed as I raised my head.

“Oh, hi, Edward,” Jessica said, sliding into the chair next to me and turning her head in my direction.

I fought the urge to roll my eyes and nodded once at her.

“So, it’s a new school year. I can’t believe we’re seniors now. I’m so excited. Everyone keeps saying how this will be the best year of our high school career. I have to agree, because after this, we get to go college, and that’s when the fun begins…” She kept prattling on and on…and on.

 _Fuck_. What was it with girls thinking it was okay to bother me with insane babble?  Jessica Stanley should have known better than anyone I wasn’t interested in a girlfriend. I’d lost count of how many times I’d ignored the little hints she’d given me. She was the biggest believer in the myth bad boys could be changed by the right girl. How I’d gotten the bad boy image to begin with, I wasn’t sure, but I was definitely not interested in Jessica “voice that could break glass” Stanley trying to get her hooks in me.

Just the thought of her trying to mold me into the perfect boyfriend caused me to shudder.

Thankfully, the teacher walked in a few minutes later, making Jessica shut her trap. It was a good thing, too, because I really needed my hearing to work properly for the rest of the day. Homeroom was as boring as I’d remembered it from the previous three years. Everyone tried to entertain themselves with a book, writing notes and passing them without getting caught, or some other way to waste the time.

I spent the next forty-five minutes thinking about what I was going to do once school had finished for the day. My parents had left before the school year had started, leaving my sister and I alone, once again. I didn’t know why they even bothered coming home anymore. And I didn’t know why they hadn’t just handed the keys to the house over to us and been done with it. Edward and Elizabeth Masen couldn’t have given a shit what I, or my sister, did. As long as we didn’t make them look bad, they let us do whatever we wanted.

I was out of my seat and out the door as soon as the bell sounded, hoping I could lose Jessica in the crowd. She was as relentless as a pit bull. It was the first day of school, and I didn’t need this shit.

“Hey, man!” a booming voice called out.

I spun around and noticed my best friend, the only person I considered a friend at all, walking toward me. I lifted my chin at him and waited for him to catch up. Once he was close, I started down the hallway again.

“So, who do you have for first period?” he asked, looking at his schedule.

“Um, Berty. I guess it means English first thing in the morning,” I said with a sigh.

“Shit. Don’t fall asleep in his class, man. I hear he likes to hit people who nap in the back of the head with his yard stick.” He grimaced, shrugging.

“Fuck you, Em. Where do you hear this shit? That’s abuse. He’d be fired if that shit was true,” I scolded, shaking my head as I walked.

“I don’t know. Some senior last year said it happened. Doesn’t matter anyway…just watch that pretty head of yours.” Emmet ruffled my hair in a playful manner.

I growled at him and smacked his hand away, trying to keep the smile off my face. For all of my grumbling about the student body, Emmett McCarty was an exception to my views on the populace. He was the type of guy that didn’t let anything or anyone ruin his mood. He could always find the bright side of a situation, and nothing ever brought him down. He was the opposite of me; a moody, angry prick.

We’d met in elementary school, and he’d somehow wormed his way into my life. I was better for his efforts, because Emmett was the one who always tried to keep me out of trouble. My life would have been a hell of a lot different if the playful giant was absent from it.

“Anyway, I have gym first period with Rosie. The gods must be smiling on me, because I get to see her in those little gym shorts almost first thing in the morning.” His mouth pulled up into a large grin.

Ah, Rosalie Hale—Emmett’s girlfriend and the only girl who wouldn’t touch me with a ten-foot pole. When she’d first moved to Forks two years before, I was offended she wouldn’t give me the time of day. Girls did not tell Edward Masen no, and there she was, telling me to go fuck myself. In the end, it was better that way. Once Emmett started dating her, and I had gotten to know her better, I realized Rosalie and I would have ended up killing each other. She was a vain bitch most of the time, and she was convinced I was a good for nothing bastard. It would have been a match made in hell, and I thanked my lucky stars every day I’d avoided that mess.

The other girls at school were fair game, though. _I admit it. I’m a fucking man whore, slut, whatever you want to call me. Fucking sue me._ I was young, and unwilling to be tied to one girl, and they practically jumped me most of the time, anyway. I didn’t see the need to be celibate.

“Edward!”

Oh my fucking god. Just when I thought the day was looking up, it all went downhill. Fuck me running.

Emmett and I started walking faster, but, because students were clogging up the hallway, I was unable to shake the annoying person attached to the voice. I closed my eyes for a brief moment and blew out a harsh breath. I was not in the mood for that prick’s bullshit.

“Hey, guys, didn’t you hear me?” Mike Newton asked as he jogged up next to us.

Mike was one of the people who thought we were friends, but in reality, I didn’t give a damn about him. The only reason I talked to him at all was because he had a decent weed connection at a good price, which meant the fucker always had some on him. I wasn’t one to do heavy drugs, but I didn’t mind using a little something every now and then to take the edge off. It was just unfortunate I had to play nice to get it.

 _Yes, you fucking idiot. I was trying to ignore the fact you existed, but you just had to ruin it for me_.

“What, Mike?” I asked in a monotone voice.

“Did you see the fresh meat this morning? Man, what I wouldn’t give to get a piece of that.” Mike let out a small moan.

I fought the urge to shake my head in pity at the poor bastard. Of course, I’d heard of the so-called “fresh meat” already, but I hadn’t had a chance to see her for myself. It was only a matter of time before I’d have her wrapped around me. Mike probably thought he had a chance…he had to know as soon as she was in my sights, he wouldn’t exist to her.

_Yeah, that probably sounds conceited, but is it really, if it’s the truth?_

Continuing to look ahead, I answered him, “Not yet. I’m sure I’ll run into her sometime today.”

Mike was, not surprisingly, silent. He knew how things worked around there. Once I’d had my fill, he’d have an opportunity with her. I caught Emmett giving me an incredulous look and shaking his head from the corner of my eye. I pursed my lips and kept my thoughts to myself. Before Rosalie, he’d have made some kind of lewd comment about the new girl. Since Rose owned his balls, he acted like I was wrong to say it.

 _And this is one of the reasons why I don’t want a girlfriend. They fucking change you, and I don’t want to change_.

I waved to Mike and Emmett as my English class came into view, glad to be away from Emmett’s judgmental looks and Mike…period. The classroom was almost empty, so I decided to take a seat in the back, hoping the teacher wasn’t an ass who chose our seats for us. I ignored the rest of the students as they filed in from the hallway, keeping my eyes on my desk and pretending I was busy. Eye contact usually made people think you wanted to talk to them, and I wanted to avoid any unnecessary chatter at all costs.

“Eddie!”

_Fuck. Nails on a chalkboard voice number two is in this class. And I hate the name “Eddie.” Why can’t these bitches get it through their thick skulls?_

“Lauren.” I nodded at the girl standing in front of me, narrowing my eyes.

Lauren Mallory took the seat in front of me— _goddamn it_ —and turned to look at me. She leaned over, reached out, and grabbed my arm, squeezing it. I could feel her fake nails poking me through my t-shirt. The contact made me shudder in revulsion, but she took it for desire, batting her eyelashes in a flirtatious manner. I cringed, still not sure why girls did that shit.

“So, I didn’t see you this summer,” Lauren cooed, running those fake claws down my bicep. “I was hoping I’d run into you.”

“Family trip,” I muttered with a shrug.  “Couldn’t get out of it.”

“Oh.” A sour look crossed her face.

“Yeah.” I wished she’d go away.

Her face brightened. “Well, we have this year. Maybe we could get together this weekend…”

I pressed my lips in a tight line, trying not to laugh. She was doing the same hinting and hoping these girls always did, and it was funny every damn time. I never fell for it, because I didn’t want to give the impressing I wanted more from them. I’d made the mistake with Charlotte Turner sophomore year, and since then, I’d had a strict “no dating” policy.

I’d also stupidly fucked Lauren in a weak moment, and since then, I couldn’t get rid of her. She was the reason I wouldn’t give Jessica Stanley the time of day. She was a lot like Lauren, and I didn’t need two psycho bitches after my dick.

I sucked in a sharp breath. “I don’t know. I promised Emmett I’d hang with him this weekend.”

She pouted and released my arm, looking very unattractive. _Thank fucking God_. I turned my head and watched as Irina Johnson walked into the room. Leaning back, I ran my eyes over her. She was a girl who knew how to fuck. She had a similar attitude to dating as I did—no interest, whatsoever, just wanting to have a good time.

 _Maybe I’ll see if she wants to meet me in the janitor’s closet at lunch_.

Cracking my neck, I noticed Lauren was staring daggers at Irina. I chuckled internally, finding it amusing she was jealous of Irina. The girl had to know Irina was in a league out of her reach. Lauren was whiney and clingy, while Irina was calm, cool, and knew how to play the game. Hell, if Lauren would stop being so fucking pouty, maybe she could join us. I knew Irina was into the whole girl-on-girl thing, and that shit was hot. My dick twitched just at the thought of it.

I was pulled out of my dirty thoughts by Mr. Berty’s squawking. Apparently, class had started while I was imaging Irina licking Lauren’s clit. The girl may have been an annoying bitch, but she did have a nice looking pussy.

The rest of the day went by in the same fashion, running into past fucks who wanted more from me while I tried to dodge them. The whole duck and weave routine had me exhausted by lunch, and I was starting to think I should be more picky about who I had sex with. Because that shit was getting ridiculous.

  1. After I’d gotten a tray of what the school considered food, I made my way over to where Emmett, Rose, and a few other people I didn’t give a damn about were sitting. I noticed a chair next to Em was open, and I sat down before someone else decided to take it.   



Just as I was about to take a bite of my sandwich, a brown-haired siren walked into the room. She was petite, wearing a skirt that showed off some killer legs. I found myself wishing it was shorter, because the material cut off my view mid-thigh. Resuming my perusal, I saw she had a tiny waist and an ample amount of cleavage, just begging to be marked with my mouth. I realized the girl I was looking at had to be the “fresh meat” Newton had mentioned earlier in the day. All thoughts about finding Irina after I finished eating flew out the window, and I knew _she_ was going to be my next conquest.

A whistle broke me out of my lustful thoughts.

“Damn…I told you, Edward. Girl is hot,” Mike said, nudging me in the side.

I hadn’t realized, until that moment, Newton was sitting on the other side of me. Scowling, I leaned away from him, giving him a what-the-fuck look. Mike cleared his throat and sat up straight. He’d made the right decision, because good weed or no, I was not above kicking his ass.

I turned my attention back to little Miss Hottie across the cafeteria. She was sitting with Angela Webber…and Tanya. That was going to be a problem, if she was going to be friends with Tanya.

I loved my sister dearly, but Tanya hated it when I tried to fuck her friends; especially after I’d convinced one of them to meet me in my room during one of her sleepovers. After that night, she’d never asked anyone to stay overnight again, opting to spend the night at their house. It kind of pissed me off, because it had been easy access I’d been denied, but I let it go. It wasn’t worth fighting with her over.

I felt like a predator studying his prey as I watched the girl eat her yogurt. Her lips wrapped around the spoon in a tantalizing manner, and when her tongue poked out to lick the remnants off of it, I knew then I would have her. No matter if she was friends with my sister. Just looking at her stirred feelings of primal lust inside me I’d never felt before, and I wanted—no, needed—to explore them. The curvy, blond, and sinfully gorgeous Irina hadn’t ever been able to get a reaction like that out of me, and she was one of the few who I’d had sex with multiple times.

 _Oh, yes, mystery girl. I will fuck you,_ I thought, continuing to stare at her. Her head lifted and deep, brown eyes met mine, as if she’d heard my internal dialogue. I licked my bottom lip and tried to convey with my eyes the desire I had to make her scream my name—anywhere, anytime, anyway. She ran her tongue seductively over her top teeth, looking me over. My body prickled with desire, and just as I was about to try to communicate my intentions with a nod to leave and fuck her somewhere in the building, she turned away as if the sexual chemistry I’d felt hadn’t just passed between us.

My brow furrowed in confusion after I looked down at the table, wondering what the fuck had happened seconds before. Was I losing my touch? I glanced in Irina’s direction, giving her a look that promised a good time.  Her eyes met mine and she smiled, biting her bottom lip with hooded eyes. I smiled at her and turned back to my food.

Nope, I still had it. So, how the new girl had acted toward my nonverbal advance confused me. Was she not attracted to me? That stray thought was squashed, because every girl wanted me. I had to fight them off most of the time, but that girl…that girl…had looked away from me. As I started to eat, an idea popped into my head. It was possible she wasn’t like all the other girls at the school, and I was going to have to work for it. I smiled as I chewed, intrigued by the idea.

I’d never had to work for anything, much less getting into a girl’s panties, and it kind of excited me. Yeah, she’d end up cracking like all the rest, but the chase was going to be sweet.

The bell signaling the end of lunch sounded, and I realized I hadn’t finished my food. Picking up the apple on my tray, I decided to take the piece of fruit and eat it later before I dumped the tray into the trashcan. I whistled as I put the apple in my bag and walked to my next class.

I had a seduction to plan. I’d need the energy for later.

~.~.~.~

The last period of the day was fucking study hall, and I wasn’t sure how I managed be placed in the class. When I first entered the room, I tried to talk the teacher into letting me go home by flirting with her. She was single and mildly attractive, and I was well aware of the effect I had on females, so I was sure it was foolproof. However, Miss Cope must have been a lesbian, because she glared at me and told me to take a seat. I stalked off, ready to slam my books down on one of the fake wooden tables when I saw _her_.

She was sitting at a table by herself, looking down at her notebook. Seeing her made me rethink the tantrum I was about to throw from being denied leaving early, and Miss Cope was back in my good graces. The woman had, inadvertently, given me an opportunity to get to know my new conquest better.

Pulling one side of my mouth up into the smile I knew drove all the women crazy, I walked over toward the captivating beauty, determined that time was going to be a success. I slid the chair out, making enough noise to announce my presence. The girl stiffened slightly and then continued looking at her notebook. I sat down and spread out my books, trying to appear like I wasn’t thinking about jumping her right that moment.

“Hello,” I said softly. “I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. I’m Edward Masen.”

I held out my hand as a gesture of goodwill, and she looked at it like it was diseased. Narrowing my eyes in confusion, I pulled it back slowly. She cocked her head to the side and studied me, the action making me squirm. I was used to being put under a microscope because of my looks, but the way she studied me…it was like she was trying to figure out every dark and dirty secret I had.

“So, you’re new here,” I cleared my throat. “Maybe I could show you around…let you get _acquainted_ with the area…and maybe each other in the process?”

A burst of giggles broke the seductive stare I was trying to give her. I watched as she threw her head back, her giggles turning into full-blown laughter. I just didn’t get it. What was the girl’s problem? Was I dealing with a mental case?

She finally calmed herself and let out a loud sigh. “Oh, I thought they were exaggerating about you, but they were so right.”

“What do you mean by that?” I asked, perplexed. I still couldn’t get a handle on the girl.

She leaned in closer and spoke quietly, “I was told you’re an arrogant prick who thinks he’s God’s gift to women. I thought, surely, no one is that conceited. Yet, here you are, and you’ve proven them right.”

 _Damn_.

I didn’t know why, but the girl— _this girl_ —calling me an arrogant prick made me want to throw her on the table in front of us and show her why I was so fucking conceited. Her words riled me up, and it was all I could do to stay in my seat. Gripping the edge of my chair, I licked my lip, preparing to respond to her words.

“I’ve yet to hear anyone complain, so I think that gives me the right to be a little arrogant, don’t you think?”

She snorted. “Maybe no one wanted to hurt your feelings.”

 _Oh, sweetheart, if you only knew_.

Her words had me stirring, so much I had to adjust to give myself more room. As I scooted closer, I noticed little Miss Smart Mouth was squirming slightly.

“So, what’s your name, princess?” I asked, glancing at her tits.

Her eyes flashed with rage as those plump, pink lips pressed into a thin line. Pretty, pink lips that would look good wrapped around my cock. I internally groaned at the image. Damn, I needed to fuck that girl already.

“Don’t call me princess. And what’s it to you, anyway?” she asked in a short tone.

“When I come, I like to call out the correct name. Girls tend to like that shit.” I eyed her up and down.

“And what makes you think I’d stoop low enough to fuck you?” She cocked her eyebrow.

“Oh, sweetheart, we both know it’s taking everything you have not to jump me right now. It’s okay. I understand. I have what you need, baby.”

“The only thing I need is for you to move your inflated ego to the other side of the room and leave me alone,” she said, clenching her teeth.

“My ego isn’t the only thing that’s inflated at the moment,” I winked, leaning in closer.

“Mr. Masen and Miss Swan, is there something you need to share with the rest of us?” Miss Cope called out from beside us. We both looked up at her, but not before I noticed the pink tinge to Bella’s cheeks. Huh.

“No, Miss Cope,” I said, flashing my pearly whites at her.

She glared at me and then turned to “Miss Swan,” who was looking at her with wide eyes.

“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again,” she muttered to Miss Cope.

“See that it doesn’t.” Miss Cope turned on her heel and walked back toward her desk.

“You bastard,” the girl, Miss Swan, seethed quietly at me when Miss Cope was out of earshot.

“If you would have just told me your name, we could have avoided the interruption. But, no, you wanted to be difficult,” I said, waving my hand at her.

“Fine, it’s Bella. Now go bother someone else. I’m not interested in you or your dick.”

I laughed and picked up a book to read, not convinced, at all, she wasn’t interested in what I had to offer. Bella was feisty…something I hadn’t had the chance to experience, and I decided then and there I would find a way to bury myself deep inside the girl. With that kind of passion, I knew she’d be an amazing fuck. 


	3. Birds Of A Feather

**~.~.~.~**

Birds of a feather flock together  
And so will pigs and swine  
Rats and mice will have their choice  
And so will I have mine

**~.~.~.~**

**  
**

_Who in the hell does he think he is?_

Those words rang through my head as I chopped the carrots in front of me. That was not what I signed up for when I decided to move in with my dad. Coming to Forks had been my last chance at freedom, after Mom had laid down the law and told me I could either live with Charlie or be sent to an all girls’ school.

 _Bitch_.

So what if I liked to have a good time? Was that really such a fucking crime? According to Renee, it was, and I’d chosen what I’d figured was the lesser of two evils. However, I didn’t sign up to be another notch in the local douche’s bedpost. I had fucking standards, damn it.

My first day at Forks High had started off pretty good. Being the new girl, I’d gotten a lot of stares and whispers thrown my way. I’d expected it, because I happened to be the police chief’s absent daughter from Phoenix. It made me a novelty in that stupid little town—not something I was fond of, but I tolerated it anyway.

What I hadn’t been prepared for was Edward. I’d dealt with my fair share of conceited assholes back in Phoenix; Edward, though, existed on a plane I’d never seen before. His confidence in himself, and his attractiveness, astounded me. He was what some would call perfection physically, but there was something about him that kept me from agreeing he was the total package. Maybe it was his insistence I was going to sleep with him. Maybe it was the way he looked at me: like I was something he had to possess. Maybe it was because the first time I saw him, my body betrayed me, and it took everything I had to stay in my seat.

Whatever it was, I was determined he was not going to get to me. I was above being just another fuck in a long line of sluts he’d fucked. I’d never been that girl, and I wasn’t going to start because some boy with pretty eyes and a nice smile looked my way.

I was no stranger to boys. I’d had plenty of experiences with them back at my old school. It had been, however, on my terms. I was careful in my interactions so they didn’t think they owned me, or I owed them something. Owing another person was trouble, from what I’d learned in my seventeen years, and I wasn’t about to find myself in that situation with some sleazy guy just so he could fuck me over.

 _In more ways than one_.

Once I finished chopping, I added the carrots and other vegetables to the Crock Pot on the counter, letting it simmer. I loved making meals like that after school, because it allowed me to do other things while they cooked.

I went upstairs to my bedroom when I was sure dinner was set. Opening the door, the fact that the room hadn’t changed much since I was six still shocked me. When I’d been sent to live with Charlie, I expected the room to have been turned into some man cave nightmare, since my dad lived alone. Instead, it looked like a shrine to a life he’d wished he could have hung on to. It was creepy, and one of the first things I did when I arrived was talk him into trading the twin-sized bed for a full-sized. I wasn’t that little girl anymore, and I needed some way to express that in the garish pink bedroom. 

I pulled a blue, circular-shaped tin out from under my bed. One of the drawbacks of living with a cop was he knew what marijuana smelled like. So far, he hadn’t caught on to my hobby. Or he was pretending it wasn’t happening. Either of those scenarios worked for me, because it meant I could get baked and forget about all my troubles.

 _Today is one of those days_.

I took out a pre-rolled joint, as well as a lighter, and set it on the comforter. Making sure to shut the lid tightly, I stashed the paraphernalia back under the bed. The weather outside was slightly cold and rainy—typical for Forks on any given day—but it didn’t matter. I opened the window and leaned my arms on the sill. The fact that my room was at the back of the house was an added bonus.

Sitting on the window seat underneath, I lit the joint and took three quick puffs, holding the sweet, cloying smoke in my lungs. The rush was instant, and all of the confusion, anger, and annoyance of the day slipped away. I blew the smoke out the open space into the vast expanse of the outdoors.

As I continued to puff, hold, and release, I was able to reflect on the better parts of the day. Finding friends was something I’d not expected. Angela Webber had been in my homeroom, and she was one of those girls you couldn’t help but like. Her shy, unassuming nature and general niceness made it hard not to take her up on her offer to sit with her at lunch. I needed more people like that in my life, because everyone knew I was no angel. And when I’d found her later that day in the cafeteria, she’d introduced me to Tanya Masen, who was a year younger than us, a junior. I liked her immediately.

I could tell right away, while Tanya was down to earth, she was not someone to be fucked with. She’d warned me about her brother, Edward, right away, telling me about his womanizing ways. I felt bad for her as she told me stories about girls who had used her just to get closer to her attractive older brother, and how, besides Angela, she questioned everyone’s intention when it came to being friends with her. It was hard for me to understand why Edward would do that to her. Did he just not care about his sister, or was he really that much of a prick?

When I saw him, I knew it was the latter. The meeting in last period only drove home that point. And, at that moment, I was trying to reconcile the bad boy who I was attracted to and the uncaring person I’d heard him to be.

No. I wasn’t going to put myself in a position to be used like that. I had one year to live in the prison that was Forks, and then I was gone. I’d be an adult and could live my life as I pleased. Edward Masen was not going to ruin it with his piercing stare and kissable lips.

Ugh.

I needed to quit thinking about him.

~.~.~.~

My first week in Forks felt like some divine test of will, because it seemed like Edward was everywhere. That first day, I hadn’t seen him until lunch, and then the only other time I’d had to deal with him was during study hall. No such luck the rest of the week. It was like he’d found out my schedule and was purposely stalking me. And he always had the confident attitude that I was going to cave. It was annoying the shit out of me.

By Friday, I’d had enough. I’d changed the route I took to classes, trying to get there just before the bell rang. So far, I’d been successful that morning and hadn’t run into him yet. I was relieved and frustrated at the same time. I needed to get him out of my head, and the party Angela had been talking about earlier in the week sounded like something that could help.

At lunch, I avoided looking at the table where Edward usually sat, even though I could feel his eyes on me as my skin prickled. I busied myself with talk of what Angela, Tanya, and I were going to do after school. The girls and I decided we should probably get ready at my house, because Charlie wouldn’t be there…and neither would Edward.

“…pink flowy top or the black halter. I want to look good, but I just can’t decide,” Tanya said as she took a drink of her soda.

Shit. I had no idea what she was talking about, and she was staring right at me. I really, really needed to get Edward out of my head. He was starting to take over my brain.

“Um, well…” I started to say, but Angela’s gasp cut me off. I turned to where she was looking and noticed her gaze was trained on a table full of jocks. I couldn’t tell which one had caught her attention, but from her reaction, he had to be special.

“Oh lord, here we go,” Tanya said in a playful voice, rolling her eyes for effect.

I crinkled my brow and waited for her to explain.

“Oh, that’s right. You haven’t heard about Angela’s crush yet.” Tanya chuckled and glanced at Angela.

“Fuck you,” Angela muttered, her stare not moving from the spot it was trained on.

“Angela has a huge crush on Ben Cheney…the one on the left. Dark hair, blue eyes, and a killer ass,” Tanya explained, ducking to avoid a slap from Angela.

Tanya continued through her giggles. “Anyway, our dear Angela lacks the courage to go talk to him and is more content to stare at him from afar.”

“He is cute, I guess.” I shrugged my shoulder, looking at the boy she’d pointed out. Ben seemed to be one of the average jock dicks who thought they were God’s gift to girls. Upon closer inspection, I noticed some admirers surrounding the football team, girls appearing to have no self-esteem by the way they shamelessly threw themselves at the group. It was pathetic to watch, the attempts at gaining the attention of a boy who would probably fuck them and forget their names afterwards. That type of high school drama was not my style.

The exact reason the stay-away-from-Edward plan was in full effect.

“Cute?” Angela asked, ripping her eyes away from Ben. “Babies are cute. Kittens are cute. Ben is fuckhot.”

Tanya gave Angela a look of pity. “Well, Mr. Fuckhot is letting that whore Stanley hang all over him.”

Angela glanced back over at the table of jocks, and then she hung her head.

“Sweetie,” Tanya continued in a more understanding voice, wrapping her arm around her shoulder, “I love you, but it’s killing me to see you torture yourself over that douche bag. If you want him, you need to talk to him. Or you need to focus on someone else.”

“I know. It’s just hard,” Angela admitted, leaning into Tanya. “What if he doesn’t like me and laughs in my face? I’ll just die.”

I cleared my throat. “You’ll never know unless you take that chance.”

“I suppose,” Angela hedged with a shrug.

I took her noncommittal answer as a signal the conversation was dead, moving on to another topic. We sat at the table for the rest of lunch and got to know each other better. It was nice to have girlfriends, something that I hadn’t had much of in Phoenix. My general lack of interest in the things that most teenage girls found important made it hard for me to connect with anyone of my age and gender. Not that I was going to discuss the Edward problem with them, though.

Since Tanya was his sister, I figured it would be weird to talk about the way he was acting. Even if he was a gigantic ass, he was still her brother. I decided that it was a predicament better left to deal with on my own, because I was an only child and had no experience with siblings. I was aware that a sibling bond was tight, and not knowing how close they were, it seemed better not to test it in any form.

At the end of lunch, as I was emptying my tray, I chanced a look over in the direction Edward had been. He wasn’t sitting where I’d seen him the day before, and I let out a relieved breath at the sight. I hoped he’d found someone else to torment and would leave me alone.

My mood had been uplifted, and I all but skipped to my next class.

~.~.~.~

I sat in the seat I’d taken the day before in study hall and set my books on the table. The sound of a chair sliding across the carpet caused me to look up, and I had to hold back a groan. Edward sat down and smiled at me, that cocky, sexy, I-want-to-fuck-you smile.

 _Fuck_.

 _So much for hoping_.

“Don’t you have someone else to bug?” I whined, letting my head fall to the desk.

“Aw, pretty girl, I only want to bug you.” I raised my head, noticing that he was leaning toward me. God, why did he have to be so…so…infuriating and good looking?

Deciding that talking to him was getting me nowhere, I pulled out a book. I flipped open the cover and began reading, trying to forget Edward was there. The minutes ticked by while the words lost their meaning on the page. Outwardly, he didn’t exist to me. Inwardly, I was hyper aware of every little movement or sound that came from Edward. It was maddening, because my plan was falling apart at the seams. I couldn’t afford, emotionally or otherwise, to let myself get involved with the boy opposite me. Everything about him screamed heartbreak and pain, and the small amount of self-preservation I was clinging to begged me to stay away from him.

My internal musings were interrupted by my book being pulled out of my hands. I snapped my head in Edward’s direction and saw that he was holding onto it with a smug smile on his face. Anger coursed through my veins, and all I wanted to do was punch him in his fucking mouth.

“You dick. Give that back,” I whispered, looking toward the front of the room where Miss Cope sat. I was not going to get in trouble again because the jerk wanted to play games.

“Not a chance in hell,” he said quietly, flipping through the pages.

“I mean it, you jerk. It’s mine, and I want it back,” I said, louder than I probably should have. Tilting my head toward the teacher’s desk, my eyes darted in her direction, noticing that she was engrossed in the magazine she was reading. I blew out a relieved breath, turning my attention back to the person who was I was about to dismantle if he didn’t give my damn book back.

“Shhh,” he admonished, pressing his finger to his lips and looking down at the pages. “I need to see why this is more interesting than paying attention to me.”

 _Someone give me strength, because I am at the end of my patience with this asshole_.

I spent the rest of the period finding other things to entertain myself, because it didn’t look like Edward was going to give my book back any time soon. It was easy to see his actions for what they were…a way to get me to talk to him. I refused, though, to fall into that trap and resolved to double my efforts to ignore him.

Time seemed to stretch endlessly, but eventually, the bell rang, and I practically ran out of the room. The fact that he still had my book irritated me, but not enough to try and get it back from him. I figured it was a lost cause and mourned its loss on my way home.

~.~.~.~

“Ow, bitch! I can’t believe you burned me!” Angela yelled, glaring at Tanya.

The three of us were getting ready at my house, and I tried to stifle my giggles as Angela admonished Tanya for accidently trying to incinerate her face with the curling iron.

“Sorry, sorry!” Tanya apologized, cringing as she picked up another section of hair. “Just…stay as still as you can. I’m almost finished.”

Angela rolled her eyes. “I’ve been still. It’s not my fault you lack hand-eye coordination.”

I shook my head and turned back to my closet, resuming my quest to find something decent to wear. Since I was attending my first Forks party, I wanted to look good. I had only met the majority of the student body in passing at school, and I knew it would be those types of social settings where impressions would matter the most. Who we were at Forks High was different than who we were at outside of school, and that was where I’d be judged—for better or worse.

The social connections I could gain from that one night far outweighed my need to just survive my last year of high school. There were certain things, like drugs, I couldn’t get on my own. I needed to form bonds that would help me get what I wanted. Tanya and Angela were amazing friends so far, but they didn’t associate with the right types of people who could find what I needed.

Settling on a black top and a pair of tight-fitting, hip hugging jeans, I took out the clothes and went to dress in the bathroom. While I was there, I fixed my hair and put on a small amount of makeup, because I had no desire to undergo Tanya’s hair torture. The girl did great work, but I didn’t want to sacrifice my face for it.

An hour later, we were ready to go. Each of us piled into Angela’s Ford Focus and headed toward the party hosted by one of our classmates. I realized on the way over that I had no idea whose house we were going to. I’d failed to pay attention to that information, but as I thought about it, I decided it didn’t matter.

The loud, pulsing beat of the music could be heard down the street, letting us know we were in the right place. My two new friends and I exited the vehicle and walked toward the sound. As we got closer, we could hear the murmur of voices over the music and could see people standing out on the lawn. Most were holding those stupid red plastic cups that were usually filled with cheap beer, a staple at those kinds of high school parties. I chuckled under my breath at how the scene in front of me looked like something out of a John Hughes film as I dodged the teenagers blocking my path to the door. 

Sweating, writhing bodies, teenage boys trying to out-drink one another, and catty girls standing around whispering in each other’s ears met us as we walked through the door. A few stopped what they were doing and stared in our direction, but for the most part, we entered the main room of the house undetected. Angela immediately began scanning for signs of Ben, hoping, I was sure, to catch his attention for the night. Tanya was subtler in scrutinizing her surroundings.  I just took in the spectacle around me, trying to absorb everything.

It wasn’t long before Angela spotted Ben, moving in his direction. Tanya and I decided to go get something to drink and headed toward the kitchen. We could see that a lot of the jocks had set up a game of beer pong, and they were well on their way to being drunk. Ignoring Tyler and Mike’s calls for us to join them, we made our way over to the keg by the backdoor.

A stack of those hideous red cups was next to the keg, and I picked one up to pour myself a drink. I stepped away when it was full, waiting on Tanya. Turning, I nodded my head in time to the beat and took a large gulp of beer. The shit was vile and exactly what I’d expected.

“Ack!” Tanya yelled, grimacing as she lowered her cup. “Why don’t they ever have the good stuff at these stupid things? I mean, it’s only right if they expect people to attend.”

I chuckled at her. “I’m sure this is the cheapest they could find.”

“Bastards,” Tanya muttered, mock pouting. “So, I think we should go find Angela and drag her ass onto the dance floor. I feel like getting my groove on.”

“Get your groove on?” I questioned, raising my eyebrow. “Who says that shit?”

“Shut it,” she said, giving me a small shove. “You coming or what?”

“Nah.” I shook my head. “I think I’ll stay here and silently make fun of the masses. Go have fun.”

“Okay, well, I’ll see you later on then.” Tanya eyed me like she was trying to convince me to follow. When I continued to stand there, she waved and walked off.

I sat my cup on the counter behind me and leaned back. Standing there became boring quickly, so I picked up my drink and walked over to the back door to get some fresh air. People littered the yard, some standing in groups talking and gesturing with their hands while others huddled close to speak in hushed whispers. Immediately, I thought that it might not have been a good idea to come out there. I didn’t know anyone, and I wasn’t sure if I would be judged poorly for just walking up to a group.

I caught Victoria’s eye, a girl from my history class, and decided to head in her direction when she waved me over. I was secretly relieved, because it meant I didn’t have to stand by myself any longer, looking like a total loser.

“Hey, Bella, right?” Victoria said after I stopped beside her.

“Yeah, and you’re Victoria?” I asked to be polite.

“Yeah. So, how’s it going?” She twirled her hair between her fingers.

And that was how we spent the next few minutes, full of the usual getting-to-know-you formalities. I learned that standing next to Victoria was her boyfriend, James, her best friend, Maria, and Maria’s boyfriend, Laurent. I was asked about why I had moved to the one horse town of Forks and gave them a watered down version of it. I explained what Phoenix was like after I told them where I had come from, and I laughed when James stated that I was nuts to leave.

“We were about to walk over to the tree line,” James mentioned after I finished telling them about my old school. “Do you smoke?”

Ah, I was really, _really_ glad at that moment I’d joined them, recognizing the code for what it was. I’d been a little tense since I’d gotten there, and a joint sounded good right about then.

“Yeah, I do. You don’t mind if I join you?” I inquired, smiling.

“Cool,” James said, nodding his head. “Not at all. Follow us.”

We moved over to the start of the woods on the edge of the property, not going too far in…just enough to be out of sight of the rest of the party-goers. Once we’d gone a few paces, James sparked the joint up and took a couple of puffs, holding it in and passing it to Victoria. She followed suit and gave it to me. We continued in that pattern, James, Victoria, Me, Maria, and then Laurent, until it was no more than a small stub.

I felt like I was floating as James snubbed out the roach and placed it in a cigarette pack. Leaning on Victoria and giggling, I walked back to the throngs lining the lawn. Nothing had changed in the few moments we were gone, and that made me laugh harder.

“Girl, you okay over there?” Laurent asked, chuckling at my giddiness.

“I feel wonderful.” My bones felt like jelly.

I took a drink of the beer still in my hand and people watched as I continued talking to the group I was standing with. It became glaringly obvious that the majority of the people around me were just as boring there as they were at school—except they were now boring _and_ drunk.

I froze as I turned my gaze toward the back of the house. Leaning up against the side and talking to a blonde was someone I’d hoped I wouldn’t run into that night.

Edward.

 _Fuck, I guess my night is about to get interesting_. 


	4. What Little Boys Are Made Of

**~.~.~.~**

What are little boys made of?  
Snips and sails  
And puppy dog tails  
That’s what little boys are made of

**~.~.~.~**

 

**  
**

“…and I asked her what her problem was. I mean, really?” Lauren continued to babble on like I was paying attention. I looked over her head to scan the yard, trying to see if I could find Emmett. _Fuck_. Where was that bastard? I should have known showing up to the party in separate cars was going to come back and bite me in the ass. I sighed and shifted my weight, wondering how much longer Lauren was going to continue to bore me to death.

_Why do these bitches bother me all the fucking time? It’s not their stunning personalities that keep me interested._

 “Edward? Are you listening to me?” Lauren’s high-pitched voice rang through my ears, grabbing my attention.

Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out a cigarette and stuck it between my lips. “Yeah, I was.”

“What did I say, then?” She challenged as she glared at me.

“Shut the fuck up, Lauren,” I said, lighting the end of the cancer stick and taking a hit.

She huffed as I blew out the smoke, crossing her arms over her chest. The tops of her breasts peeked out of her low cut shirt, drawing me in. Because I _am_ a guy, I stared for a few moments, debating whether or not it would be worth it to coax Lauren into a dark corner for a blow job. However, sanity prevailed, and Fatal Attraction didn’t get a chance to dig her claws in me.

It’d been a week since I’d gotten off from anything besides my hand, and I was getting tired of that shit. Swan had turned out to be a tougher nut to crack than I’d originally thought, and because I was spending all my time either trying to get her in bed or jerking off while thinking about her, I hadn’t had a chance to line anything else up. I was, honestly, getting pissed, because it should have already been a done deal. But no. She was not budging…at all.

It was quite comical how she tried to avoid me at school. I’d gone to the main office and convinced the secretary, after flirting with her, to give me Bella’s class schedule. I figured if I knew where she would be at any given moment of the day, I’d be able to charm my way into her pants faster. It had backfired, and all she did was get pissed every time she saw me. In a way, it was a blow to my ego. That shit had never been a challenge before; girls did whatever I wanted just so I’d fuck them.

Not that girl, though. She ran away from me every chance she got. The day of the party, she had managed to hide from me until lunch. Bella avoided looking my way the entire lunch hour, content to sit and talk to my sister and her friend, Angela. I hoped it was about the party most of the senior class had been invited to, giving me the _in_ I needed.

At first, I wasn’t sure if I was cool with my little sister attending, but I ended up keeping my mouth shut. My desire to have Bella writhing underneath me overrode my desire to keep my sister away from the pricks that would be there. It also made it easier knowing Emmett would have my back, watching my sister like she was his own. Those pricks didn’t stand a chance with Emmett and I keeping an eye on things.

I took another drag as I wondered if Bella had shown up. Earlier, I’d seen Tanya come out of the kitchen by herself. When I took a look around the room, I saw Angela trying to hang off of Ben Cheney. It was kind of pathetic, because the girl looked like some love sick puppy every time she was around him. I felt sorry for her, but only because she was my sister’s friend. That girl was another one I considered a Fatal Attraction wannabe, and I was so glad she’d never tried to hit on me. I’d have had to shut that shit down, quickly.

Bella had been nowhere in sight; it bummed me out, because I was hoping being away from school would make a difference. Defeated, I’d left the room. I’d come outside so I could find Emmett and Rose, but then I’d gotten cornered by fucking Lauren. It was like the chick had some kind of Edward-radar; she’d zoned in as soon as I stepped out the goddamn door.  I’d tried to dodge her, but she ended up cornering me. Now, I was standing against the wall, trying to find an escape route.

“So, Eddie…” she began to say, inching closer.

“What the fuck have I said about calling me ‘Eddie,’ Lauren?” I asked, taking another hit of my cigarette.

She stuck out her bottom lip and batted her eyelashes, trying to look cute. It had the opposite effect and only ended up pissing me off. I wasn’t in the mood for her games and, deciding I’d had enough, I pushed off the side of the house and walked away. I heard her yell my name, but I ignored her and continued my search for Emmett.

I was beginning to think the fucker had left me when something—I should say _someone_ —caught my eye. Less than twenty feet away, I noticed Bella standing with a group of people…James, Victoria, Maria, and Laurent. I smirked, pleased she’d actually come and my plans hadn’t been ruined. She shot a quick glance at me and then turned her head back to the center of the group, hiding her eyes from me.

 _Ah, so that’s how it’s going to be. Well, two can play that game_.

Since Swan wanted to be all coy and shit, I left her alone for the moment. I needed to find Emmett first, and I knew I’d be seeking her out later. Pushing my way through the groups of people scattered around the yard, I almost tripped over some freshman fuck who didn’t move out of my way. It was supposed to be a senior party, yet somehow, the little jackass had thought it would be a good idea to mingle with the upperclassmen. I took one last hit of my cigarette and flicked it in his direction, missing his head by inches.

“Hey, what the fuck, man?” the pipsqueak mouthed off.

I stretched to my full height, looking down at him. “You should really think it over before you say something you’ll regret.”

He eyed me, and after seeing I had a good six inches on him, he raised his hands in submission and backed away. It was a good choice on his part, because I was feeling a little violent and a fight sounded good at that moment. Taking one last look at the pussy and curling my lip in disgust, I continued to look for Emmett.

Just as I was about to give up on his ass and go back to where Bella was standing, I saw Emmett sitting on the other side of the yard. _Motherfucker_. What was he doing? Hiding?

As I got closer, I could see that Rose was hanging off of my best friend, like she always was, while they sat on a picnic table. I rolled my eyes and held my hand up for a fist pound when I reached them. He hit my balled up hand and smirked.

“The fuck, dude?” I asked, irritated. “I thought you were going to wait for me inside, and when I came to find you, Lauren ended up cornering me. Not cool, man. Not cool, at all.”

“Well, if you’d keep your dick in your pants, then you wouldn’t have to worry about being cornered by your sluts, Edward,” Rosalie said in a bored tone, examining her nails.

“Good one, babe.” Emmett laughed loudly.

 _Fuckers_.

“It was too crowded in there, Edward,” Emmett explained, shrugging one shoulder. “We figured we’d come outside where we could actually breathe.”

I jumped up onto the table beside Emmett and glanced at him. “Well, did you bring it? The beer inside tastes like piss, and I will kill a motherfucker if I have to settle for it.”

“Don’t worry. I’ve got you covered,” Emmett said with a smile.

He pulled out a bottle of vodka he’d hidden behind his back. I nodded my head at him, pleased he’d remembered. Taking the bottle from him, I unscrewed the cap, tilted it back into my mouth, and took a large gulp. The alcohol burned as it slid down my throat and into my stomach, warming me immediately. I handed it back to him, and he took a pull from it, wincing as he swallowed. Rose grabbed it when he wasn’t looking and sipped it.

We sat there and drank from straight from bottle for a while, and as time went on, I started to feel good. The girls who usually annoyed the shit out of me started to look fuckable. It was then I knew I’d probably had enough and told Emmett I was done for the moment. He laughed at me after I explained why, saying he’d see me later. I was hoping that wasn’t the case, because if things went the way I wanted, I’d have Bella in either one of the rooms upstairs or somehow in _my_ bed later on.

I needed to get that girl out of my system. She was starting to fuck up my game, and that shit did not sit well with me. I was not that guy...the one that fucked only one girl. Yet, there I was, waiting her out and ignoring everyone else. Even Irina, who’d found me earlier in the night and whispered that she’d love to take me upstairs and fuck my brains out.

 _Goddamn_.

There was something seriously wrong with me, because I’d pulled her hand off as she was rubbing up and down my chest and walked away. Going back to my pathetic search for Bella seemed more important. That sexy look Irina had given me as I sauntered past did nothing for me, and it had always worked on me before.

 Bella was not with the same people when I walked by them, and that made me angry. I was going to have to look for her again, and I was not looking forward to it. Who knew what else I was going to have to turn down in my quest to tap Bella’s ass?

I was saved from that hell when I spotted her in the main room…on the makeshift dance floor in the center. She was swaying to the beat, lost in her own world. A couple of douches were standing a few feet away, watching her every move. They’d start to make their way toward her, only to back off at the last second. It was like both guys were trying to join her, but lacked the balls to do it. If those guys weren’t making themselves look like asses because of the girl I wanted, I’d have found that shit funny.

My feet propelled me forward through the tightly packed bodies. I maneuvered through, twisting this way and that, until I was right behind her. I gripped her hips and pulled her against me, matching her move for move. She melted into my body, laying her head on my shoulder and swinging her hips against mine. I closed my eyes and just lost myself to the sensual movements of her body. It was more erotic than any sexual experience I’d ever had.

For a brief moment, I wondered if she’d finally accepted we were going to happen or if she was so intoxicated, she wasn’t aware who was dancing with her. It didn’t matter to me either way. I had her; I had no intention of letting her go. She was mine for the moment, and I was going to enjoy it while it lasted.

A sexy moan escaped her as she pressed her back closer to my front, causing my cock to rise. I encouraged her by sliding my hands up and down her sides, making her press her body closer and never halting her movements. Heaven didn’t even begin to describe the way she was making me feel, and we were fully clothed and dancing in a room full of people. I could only imagine what it would be like to get her naked. That thought caused me to groan out loud. 

Bella stiffened against me and began to pull away. My grip on her tightened, and I leaned down to whisper in her ear. “I’ve got you now.”

A slight tremor rocked her body at the sound of my words—whether it was from desire or revulsion, I wasn’t sure. Her hands clamped down over mine where I held her and tried to pull them away. My hold stayed firm, not wanting to let go and end the trance we’d been in not long before.

“Let me go, Edward,” she said, her voice almost nonexistent.

I ran the tip of my nose against the side of her neck, loving how soft her skin felt. Every cell in my body protested doing as she said, but I knew, if I was going to get what I wanted, I’d have to release her. Loosening my grip, I took a couple of steps back from Bella. She walked off, leaving me alone in the mass of bodies still around me. I could see Jessica start to walk my way, and taking that as my cue, I disappeared through the crowd.

Sitting down on one of the couches littering the room, I tried to figure out what the fuck had just happened. Bella had _let_ me touch her, dance with her, and press myself up against her and then had left me standing there like nothing had taken place. It confused me and fucked with my mind. I didn’t know if it was a game she was playing to drive me crazy or what. The way she’d been on the dance floor, though, gave me hope. Hope she wasn’t going to be as challenging as I’d feared.

Ben sat down next to me and nodded. I didn’t mind, because while we really weren’t friends, he wasn’t a bad guy. We just never were more than acquaintances since he not only was a jock who lived for sports—not my thing, at all—but he hung out with dickheads like Mike and Tyler. And I really didn’t need those two pricks thinking we were friends any more than they already did.

“This party is fucking boring. I’m starting to regret telling Mike I’d come,” Ben said, rolling his eyes.

Ah, so it was Mike’s party. No wonder it sucked.

I chuckled, shaking my head. “Until you said something, I didn’t even know whose house it was.”

He let out a loud guffaw. “Fucking priceless, man. According to Mike, you guys hang out all the time. I’ll have to give him hell for this later.”

“Where is that dipshit anyway? I have some business with him.”

“I think he went upstairs with Charlotte.”

 _Christ. That girl_.

I shuddered, remembering the brief encounter I’d had with her. “Well, that’s his problem. Just…if you see him, tell him I’m looking for him.”

“Will do. See ya around,” Ben said, turning his attention to the females grinding against each other a few feet away. I stood and moved toward the kitchen, hoping I could find something better than the crap in the keg.

When I entered, I saw my sister standing against the counter, looking pissed. I wondered what had happened and figured I needed to find out. If some motherfucker had put his hands on her, I was going to kill him.

“Hey, what’s going on?” I asked, standing next to her and hoping she’d volunteer the information, so I wouldn’t have to drag it out of her.

“You!” Tanya said as soon as she heard my voice. She charged at me and slapped me in the chest. I cringed, feeling the sting.

“Fucking hell, Tanya,” I said, rubbing the spot she’d hit. “Why are you hitting me?”

“I’m a big girl, Edward. I don’t need your friends to watch out for me. Fucking Emmett dragged me away like a child when I was talking to Peter.”

I clenched my jaw, pissed that Peter had had the nerve to try and put the moves on my sister. He was as big of a player as I was, and he never just _talked_ to girls. He was always trying to find a way into their pants.

“Please tell me you’re joking right now, Tanya. Peter? Really?” I asked, gripping the countertop.

“Yes, Peter, you jerk.” She dared me with her eyes to argue with her.

“Tanya, Peter is…” I started to say.

“Oh, fuck you, dear brother. You’re just as bad as he is. Hell, you probably go through less toilet paper than you do girls.”

“Way to be crass, Tanya.”

“Whatever. Don’t pretend like you’re not the biggest slut in Forks. I can’t go from one class to the next without running into six girls you’ve fucked.”

I gaped at her, trying to come up with a retort. It never came, though, because she was right. Damn my sister.

She threw her head back and laughed at the look on my face. I gazed out at the people in the kitchen and noticed a game of poker had replaced the beer pong I’d seen earlier. I watched with false interest, hoping it wasn’t strip poker. I was out of there if it was.

“Tanya, please. Stay away from Peter. He’s a prick, and I don’t want to see you get hurt,” I said, trying to steer the conversation back to our original discussion.

Her face softened a little. “Thanks for looking out for me. Seriously, though? I can handle it. I promise I’m smart enough to not jump into bed with him.”

I nodded at her, unable to think of a response. Tanya was sensible, more sensible than me most of the time. But because she was my younger sister, I still wanted to protect her from boys like me. It was something that was deeply ingrained into me.

“So, what’s up with you and Bella, anyway? I saw you two dancing earlier, and if you’re going to treat her like every other girl, then you need to stop. _Now_. She’s my friend, and I’m not about to lose her friendship because my brother decided to treat her like garbage.” Tanya glared at me.

I sighed, trying to figure out how to word my response. She had pretty much said exactly what I was thinking about doing, but I couldn’t tell her that. If I was a better person, I would leave Bella alone. I wasn’t, though, and not even the possibility of it hurting my sister when Bella stopped talking to her, after I pulled a fuck and run, would keep me from doing it. The girl had gotten under my skin, and the only way I would be able to extract her, I was certain, was to fuck the living daylights out of her.

“We were just dancing,” I answered, not able to look my sister in the eye. “I don’t always have a hidden agenda.”

“Whatever,” Tanya said, pushing off of the counter. “I swear, if you hurt her, you’ll be sorry. I’m tired of you fucking up my friendships because you need something to stick your dick in.”

With that, she left. _Jeeze. Tell me how you really feel_. I glanced down at the floor, trying not to let what she’d said affect me. It was true. I was the reason that most girls weren’t friends with my sister. They’d try to get close to her, hoping it would be the _in_ they needed to get me to date them. Instead, I usually fucked them one time and then turned them loose. In the process, they’d stop being friends with Tanya and blame her for what had happened.

Releasing a deep breath, I left the kitchen. I wasn’t going to change who I was. It was impossible. My sister was just going to have to learn to deal with it or quit having anything to do with me.

As the night wore on, I began to regret coming to that party. Between the girls trying to throw themselves at me, avoiding dickheads who wanted to talk to me, and playing cat and mouse with Swan, I was irritated.

And then I saw her.

Bella was standing on the other side of the room with Angela. My sister was nowhere to be found, so I decided to use that to my advantage and went over to her. Leaning against the wall, I made sure I was as close as I could be without actually touching her. I could feel the heat of her body on my side, and it conjured up images of how warm she would be naked. She was turned in Angela’s direction, deep in conversation. But by the slight movement she’d made when I first slid in next to her, I knew she was aware of my presence.

“You know, it would be _so_ easy to slip upstairs,” I leaned in close, whispering in her ear. I could smell citrus and spice as my nose brushed against her hair.

“And why would I want to go upstairs?” Bella asked, turning my way. As she did, Angela caught sight of me, and her eyes widened. I gave her a crooked smile, and she blushed. Yeah, she was into me, but Angela wasn’t the girl I wanted.

“Bella, we’re inevitable. You might as well just give in,” I said, moving closer to her.

“We’re really not, and you’re _really_ starting to annoy me,” she retorted, taking a step back. “What is it with guys like you? Do you actually think every girl wants to sleep with you?”

“I can’t help it if it’s true. Who am I to deny them?” I asked, smirking.

“You know what? It’s not going to happen. So, just leave me alone and go bother someone else,” Bella said, turning away from me.

The girl was fucking infuriating, and just standing next to her was torture. The moment I walked up to her, I was erect, and she was basically telling me to go fuck myself. That was fine, because in that moment, I was tired of trying with her. There were many other girls—girls at that very party—who would be more than happy to take her place.

“Fine. Have it your way. Just…when you finally change your mind, don’t come crying to me. It’ll be too late then,” I said with a huff.

“Boo-fucking-hoo, Edward.” She turned her head toward me and rolled her eyes.

Yeah, I’d had enough.

I walked away from her and went to go find Emmett. I needed tons of alcohol to be able to numb my mind from thoughts of Bella. Fuck her. It was time to hunt.  


	5. What Little Girls Are Made Of

**~.~.~.~**

What are little girls made of?  
Sugar and spice  
And everything nice  
That’s what little girls are made of

**~.~.~.~**

**  
**

_Ugh. What the fuck is Edward’s problem, anyway?_

I watched Edward walk off after he had, again, implied he wanted to sleep with me. The night, for the most part, had been enjoyable. I’d found new friends in James, Victoria, Laurent, and Maria. Before I left them, Victoria and Maria invited me to hang out sometime soon. I thanked them and went to go find Angela and Tanya, wondering if I’d somehow be able to figure out a way for the five of us to get together. Neither of the girls mentioned they had a problem with Angela or Tanya, so I hoped it could be something we’d be able to do in the future.

The music had beckoned me when I’d entered the main room, and I just couldn’t resist its call. I’d made my way to the center of the group of gyrating bodies, getting lost in the beat when I’d suddenly felt the presence of someone else. I didn’t question who it was or why they were pressed up against me. In that moment, I didn’t care. It just felt nice to share what I was feeling with another person.

When the music had stopped, and I’d found out Edward had been the one grinding against me, I was mortified…and turned the fuck on. He had felt so good against me, and the boy could move. It had been sensual, stimulating, and very fucking hot. That had been the reason I pushed him away. I couldn’t let him get to me…under any circumstance. It’d been bad enough trying to dodge his attempts at seduction at school where he couldn’t unleash the full power of it. Having to deal with it in a less controlled environment would have been almost more than I could bear.

I had slammed a couple of really disgusting cups of beer afterwards, trying to rid my brain of the memory of Edward and his cock rubbing against me. If what I’d felt was a good indication of what he had hidden, I understood his cocky attitude that much more. I was disturbed by just how much I wanted to give in to his advances, knowing it would ruin me after he decided he’d had enough.

Tanya had ended up cornering me as I made my way back into the main room of the party. I could tell by the look in her eyes it was not going to be a fun conversation. When she’d opened her mouth, I’d found out I was right.

“Bella.” Tanya stood in front of me and bit her lip. “I know we haven’t been friends long, but I really think you should stay away from my brother. He’s a jerk, and he’s only going to end up hurting you.”

“We’ve had this conversation before, Tanya. I know. I’m not that kind of girl.” I mirrored her stance.

“I just…I really like hanging out with you, and if you end up falling for Edward’s lines, he’s going to chew you up and spit you out. I care enough about you already, and I don’t want to see you get hurt,” she said with a worried look on her face.

I leaned in and hugged her. “Thanks, Tanya. Really. I appreciate your concern, and I’m not interested in being treated that way, either.”

She smiled as she pulled away from me. “I mean it. I don’t want to lose you because my brother is a douche.”

We both laughed at her words. And I _did_ understand where she was coming from, not feeling, at all, like she was just trying to keep me from her brother for her own personal reasons. Even though our friendship was new, it felt like we’d known each other forever. Tanya had been, so far, more honest with me than anyone I’d ever had in my life before. I appreciated her candor.

Tanya and I met up with Angela not long after, leaning against the wall on the far side of the room.

“I can’t believe he’s hanging off that slut!” Angela hissed as soon as she saw us.

I looked over to where Ben was standing, and sure enough, Jessica Stanley was draped across his form. While I thought it was kind of harsh to call Jessica a slut, I knew I had no idea what she was like. I’d not had the pleasure, or displeasure, of meeting her yet. What I had heard hadn’t painted her in the best light.

Tanya draped her arm around Angela’s shoulders. “Aw, sweetie, I’m so sorry. Maybe you should just forget about him. He’s not worthy of you.”

“Tanya…” Angela whined, looking like she was going to argue.

“No, Angela,” I said, jumping into the conversation. “Tanya’s right. If he can’t see how great you are, then it’s his loss. You’re so much better than this.”

I could tell that my words had somewhat gotten to Angela, and I hoped that she took them to heart. It was the truth. I hated, in the short time I’d known her, seeing her pine for a guy who acted like she didn’t exist. She really was a great person, and I was sure it had to hurt to watch him with other girls.

We were quiet after that, because everything had been said that needed to be. A blond guy, whose name I didn’t know, came over and asked Tanya if she wanted to dance. She looked over at us, and I waved her off. I was fine standing with Angela while she had some fun. I’d had enough for one night.

Tanya smiled at me and left to dance. I’d love to say that Angela and I stood there soaking in the atmosphere, or even went and made up our own fun. But no. Fucking Edward found me and tried to hit on me, once again. He invaded my personal space and said we were “inevitable.”  I wanted to snort at him. The way he spoke—it was like he thought we were destined to be. If I had been more gullible, I would have thought he was talking about us being together. However, I knew he only meant that it was only a matter of time before he fucked me. I wasn’t stupid. If I’d let that happen, he’d dump me like yesterday’s garbage.

I shut him down quickly, and he left me alone. I was glad, but at the same time, I was also a little—disappointed? I couldn’t figure out just what the emotion was, but it didn’t feel good. I tried to ignore it, because I was not going to fall for his tricks.

Eventually, Angela convinced me she’d be fine on her own, and I went in search of James. The high I’d had from the weed I’d smoked and the beers I’d drunk were starting to wane. It’d been a stressful night for me, and I wondered if he was holding anything else.

I found him in one of the downstairs rooms, sitting on one of the couches. Victoria was tucked into his side, looking like she was about to pass out. Debating on whether or not I should bother him, I stood in the doorway. Just as I was about to say “fuck it” and leave, a girl asked me to move so she could enter. That alerted James to my presence, and the choice had been made for me. He waved me in.

“Hey there, girl,” he said with a sleepy smile. “I was wondering if we’d see you again.”

“Yeah.” I laughed weakly. “I’m sorry if I’m bothering you. I can go.”

I stared to walk away, but James motioned for me to sit on the other side of Victoria. Her head popped up when I met the couch.

“Bella,” she said in an almost whisper. “You hanging out with us?”

From her tone, I could tell she was being sincere. It made me smile, because I really could use some more girlfriends.

“Um, well, my motive for being here isn’t completely innocent,” I said, chuckling.

“Ah,” James said with a knowing smile. “What can I do for you?”

I shook my head in amusement. “You obviously see right through me. I hope you don’t think that’s the only reason I was hanging out with you earlier. I mean…”

“It’s okay, Bella.” James cut off my rambling. “Just tell me what you need.”

I went on to explain I was having a shitty night, without going into too much detail about Edward. It’s not that I was ashamed of him or our interactions. I was just tired of talking about him. And discussing him would defeat the whole purpose of my visit, which was to get him out of my head.

James ended up selling me some pills that were supposed to “mellow me out.” I thanked him and began to give him what I thought they cost, but he stopped me, saying he was going to give me “the friend’s discount.” I thought that was pretty cool of him, especially since he didn’t really know me, and I told him so. He just laughed and told me to enjoy. I thanked him again and let him know I’d see him later.

Since I really didn’t want anyone to see me take it, I went to the bathroom. Of course, there was a fucking line, so I had to wait. I wanted to gouge my eyes out as I stood there. There were two girls in front of me talking about Edward. It was like I couldn’t get away from him, no matter how hard I tried.

“I can’t believe he turned you down, Irina!” the one girl said, looking at her friend with wide eyes.

“I’m not worried about it,” the other girl, who I assumed was Irina, replied while fluffing her hair. “He’ll come find me when he realizes he wants someone who knows how to fuck.”

“Well, everyone has noticed he’s been chasing around that new girl. It’s kind of pathetic,” the friend said with an amused snort.

“Why is that? Are you jealous because she’s better looking than you?” Irina asked with a laugh.

“No,” the girl said with a sour expression. “She’s not prettier than me.”

“Don’t kid yourself, Maggie. She is. Hell, maybe she’s not into guys. If that’s the case, then I’d be more than willing to show her a good time. Those firm breasts and that luscious ass alone would be reason enough to stop wasting my time with Edward.”

The one named Maggie rolled her eyes. “Whatever, I still don’t think she’s all that pretty.”

Irina just laughed at her. “Well, since Edward’s been chasing after her and ignoring you, you would think that.”

I ducked my head, hoping they didn’t realize I was standing right behind them. Irina’s words threw me for a loop. She was one of those girls that was gorgeous and gave the impression that she was conceited. Yet, there Irina was talking about how she wanted to fuck me.

I really didn’t know what to think. It was the second time that night I had conflicting feelings. On one hand, I was slightly flattered she thought I was pretty. On the other, I was horrified she thought I was pretty. While I thought there was nothing wrong with same sex relationships, it just wasn’t me. Girls just weren’t attractive to me in that way, and I was mortified I might have another person I’d have to hide from.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, I made it into the bathroom. Irina and Maggie hadn’t acknowledged me as they walked out, much to my relief. It would have been an uncomfortable situation for me otherwise. I entered the cramped bathroom and locked the door.

Looking in the mirror, I scowled at my reflection. My cheeks were flushed, and it looked like I had bags under my eyes. I turned on the tap and splashed water on my face. I guess with it being close to two a.m., I really didn’t care if it ruined my makeup. I was going to look like crap no matter what. Shaking my head at that wayward thought, I turned on the tap and cupped a hand under the stream of water. Tipping the water into my mouth, I tossed the pills in with my other hand, swallowing everything.   

I slid down to the floor, waiting for the medication to take effect. I wanted to be blissfully numb, but knew it probably wasn’t going to happen with the weak dose I’d taken. I was prepared to settle for slightly aloof. I just wanted to feel something different.

Pounding on the door snapped me out of my trance, and I knew my time was up. I stood up, unlocked the door, and exited the room. Squeezing past the guy that knocked and out into the hallway, I was unprepared for what I saw.

I could tell that Edward was standing a few feet away from me, even though I was staring at the back of his head. No one had the same coppery, auburn hair color he did. He had a girl pressed up against the wall while he proceeded devour her. Another quick glance let me know it was that bitch Maggie who had been talking shit about me earlier.

I guess the stupid slut was happy Edward was finally paying attention to her.

I hurried out of there before either of them saw me. It would not be good for me to be caught looking at them. I could just imagine the shit Edward would say if he’d noticed.

Trying to find Tanya and Angela, I decided I’d had enough of the party and the night in general. Most people had either cleared out or found a dark corner to get their freak on. I was wrecked and done. I saw them standing by the front door with the guy Tanya had been dancing with earlier. By the look on Angela’s face, I could see she did not approve.

Angela pulled Tanya away from the guy when they saw me, walking my way.

“So, we ready to go?” I asked, hoping the answer was yes.

“Yeah, it’s late,” Tanya said, looking back over at her unofficial date.

“Oh my God, Tanya. I’m serious. I’m not going to let you leave with Peter. You give me shit about Ben, but Peter is so much worse.”

“Shut up, Angela. I’m not going to do anything with him. I’m just going to get a ride with him,” Tanya said in a huff.

“You know what? Fine. But I really don’t want to hear it when he doesn’t call you.” Angela stomped off.

“O-kay,” I said, drawing the word out. “I guess I’ll see you later, then?”

Tanya hugged me. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

I nodded at her and then went in the direction Angela had gone. I had to jog to catch up with her once I was outside. “Angela, wait up!”

She slowed down, turning in my direction. “Shit! I’m sorry, Bella.”

“Just don’t leave me, and I’ll forgive you,” I teased, looping my arm through hers when I’d finally caught up to her.

She giggled at me. “Deal.”

When we got to the car, we separated, and I got into the passenger’s seat. Angela started the car once she was inside, and we took off. “God, I’m starting to wish I’d have skipped the party tonight.”

I felt the same way she did. Besides the friends I’d gained, the whole night had been a huge wash. I decided that was the last party in Forks I’d ever go to, because it just wasn’t worth it.

“Me, too, Angela.”

She nodded, keeping her eyes on the road. I figured then was as good a time as any to ask her what she thought about Victoria and Maria. I really wanted to hang out with both groups of girls, and I was hoping none of them harbored any bad feelings toward the other.

“So, I have a question,” I said, gathering my courage. “What do you think about Victoria and Maria?”

“Um, they’re okay, I guess. I really don’t know them. I’ve just seen them around.”

I chewed on the side of my lip, pleased her reaction hadn’t been a bad one. I’d take nonchalant any day.

“Why do you ask?” Angela questioned, eyeing me from the side.

“Um, I kind of met them tonight and thought they were pretty cool. I was just wondering, because they invited me to hang out. I figured if you guys didn’t hate them, we could all go to the mall together or something,” I rambled without making eye contact.

“Oh,” Angela said, pulling into my driveway. “That sounds good, actually. I think we can do that.”

“Awesome,” I said, smiling. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow or whenever.”

“Yeah, see ya, Bella.”

I got out, shut the door, and waved as I made my way up to my house. Angela saluted me, pulling out and taking off. I’d noticed the cruiser wasn’t in the driveway when I’d walked across the lawn, figuring Charlie had been called into the station. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out my key and unlocked my door. I tried to navigate the dark house as best as I could without tripping over something on my way to the bedroom upstairs. Once I was inside my room, I turned on the lamp.

The bright light made me squint, and I went to lie down on my bed. Kicking off my shoes, I got comfortable as the first waves of pleasure from the pills I’d taken earlier started to kick in. Closing my eyes, I let the feeling wash over me.

I undressed the best I could while still lying down until I was only in my underwear and t-shirt. The slight chill of the room felt good on my overheated skin. I tried to concentrate on nothing, but my mind wouldn’t stop working.

Images of Edward pressed up against that whore when I’d left the bathroom were playing behind my eyelids. I opened them and groaned. Damn it. All I wanted to do was enjoy my slight buzz, and it seemed like my head had other ideas.

There, alone in my bedroom, I could admit to myself that, yes, the sight had made me jealous. It was disturbing…but true all the same. I punched the comforter at my side, pissed at myself. I was letting Edward get to me, even though I’d promised myself I wouldn’t let that happen. However, it had hurt seeing him with Maggie—something that confused and frightened me at the same time.

As I thought about it, I realized that was the first time I’d seen him with anyone else. I hadn’t noticed just how focused on me he’d been.

_What the fuck am I going to do now?_

It was bad, so bad that I even cared what Edward did. Tanya was so right; he’d ruin me. But I was finally able to admit to myself I wanted him anyway. I’d pretty much pushed him toward her, so I really didn’t have the right to be mad at him. Yet, I was.

I huffed loudly. “It’s too late now.”

I was just going to have to find a way to get over it and get on with my life. There were many other guys out there. Maybe I just needed to find someone. Maybe I could even take Irina up on her offer?

I laughed at the errant thought. There was no way I could force myself to be with her…ever.


	6. Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry

~.~.~.~

_Georgie Porgie pudding and pie,_ _  
_ _Kissed the girls and made them cry_ _  
_ _When the boys came out to play,_ _  
_ _Georgie Porgie ran away._

_~.~.~.~_ __

 

**  
**

I opened my eyes with a groan, feeling like my head was going to split into two. The sunlight streaming into the room through the blinds didn’t help the pounding, either. As I tried to move, I noticed the body draped over me. The images from the night before, after I’d convinced Emmett to let me have the rest of the vodka, were blurry. It was obvious, because of the girl lying next to me, I’d gotten laid. But my eyes weren’t cooperating, making it hard to see who it was.

I rubbed them with the hand not pinned under the girl, hoping the action would clear my vision. Not remembering who I’d fucked the previous night irritated me, especially when I was drunk off my ass. Winding up with someone clingy, or ugly, was uncomfortable, and I tried to avoid that scenario at all costs. It seemed I’d been too intoxicated to take that into consideration, though.

Once I could see clearer, or as clear as it was going to get, I took a few moments to look at who was there. For a few short seconds, I hoped it was Swan lying next to me. And then that hope passed, as it would have been a waste since I didn’t remember anything.

Reddish hair and a freckled back came into my line of vision, and I knew immediately it wasn’t Bella. I was glad and upset at the same time, confusing me. It took a couple of minutes for my brain to catch up with my eyes, and then I was horrified.

_Oh, goddamn it._

_Maggie._

_Wonder-fucking-ful_.

The fact I was screwed—not in a good way—made me slide out from under her as gently as possible. My back felt like it was on fire as I moved and let me know that, yes, I was right, even though her face wasn’t visible. I ignored the pain and started to quickly, but quietly, collect my clothes.

I wanted to kick my own ass for getting so drunk, putting myself in that very bad situation. Maggie was someone I tried to avoid, because she made Lauren and Jessica appealing. I’d slept with her once before and had made the mistake of waiting for her to wake up before I took off, figuring it had been the least I could do. She’d been all smiles when her eyes opened and had began babbling about how wonderful it had been. I’d been smug, honestly, and it had been a huge ego stroke.

When I’d started to dress and tell her I’d had fun, she had begun asking me when we were going to tell people. At first, I’d assumed she had been talking about us sleeping together. It hadn’t been a big deal to me, so I was baffled as to why she was making such a fuss about it. The moment she’d mentioned she couldn’t believe she was Edward Masen’s girlfriend, all of the color had drained from my face.

My words of protest had been ignored, and I had to spend the next few days telling her she wasn’t my girlfriend. I’d ended up having to harshly confront her in a crowded hallway between classes for her to finally get it. I’d felt bad when she ran off crying, but then again, the bitch had brought it on herself. With Jessica and Lauren, they didn’t assume anything and were waiting for me to say the words—not that it would ever happen. Maggie, though, had thought sex with me meant a relationship. And there I was, making the same mistake, once again.

I found my clothes and let out a muffled curse as I dressed, noticing Maggie was stirring. Hurrying as fast as I could, I tied my shoes and carefully opened the door, jogging when I’d made it to the other side. Realizing I was still at Newton’s house— _fuck me_ —I maneuvered through the few bodies sleeping on the floor, exiting through the front door as quietly as possible.

The slightly chilled air stung my face with each step I took toward my car. I climbed in and drove off once I’d reached it, hoping my parents were still out of town. I wasn’t in the mood to hear some bullshit lecture about staying out all night, because they wanted to pretend they gave a damn.

Thankfully, their car was not in the garage when I parked inside. Whistling, I walked toward the door leading to the kitchen. Tanya was standing at the counter, making a sandwich and singing to herself when I entered. She turned and scowled at me after hearing the door close.

“Good to see you finally decided to come home,” Tanya said sarcastically.

“Yeah, yeah. Would you make me one, too?” I asked, nodding my head.

“What do I look like? Your fucking slave?” she complained, turning back to the counter.

“Real mature, Tanya,” I said, crossing my arms. “Have you heard from Mom and Dad?”

“Nope,” she answered. “Not since Monday.”

“Oh,” was my brilliant reply.

“So, what do you want? I’ve got turkey and ham over here.” Tanya pointed to the meat spread out in front of her.

“Turkey,” I said, walking over to the table.

She nodded and continued to put the food together. “Seriously, though, what happened to you last night?”

I ran my hand over my face. “I ended up passing out at Newton’s, okay?” I hoped she would drop it.

“Ah, which skank did you wake up with?” she teased, bringing the plates over to the table.

Sighing, I knew she wasn’t going to give up, so I decided to get it over with.

“Maggie,” I muttered, taking the plate from her.

Tanya laughed, bending over after setting down her plate opposite me.

“Laugh it up, sis,” I grumbled, taking a bite.

“Oh, that is perfect.”

“Shut up. I’m going to have to hide from her again,” I whined in a pathetic tone.

“Serves you right, brother of mine. If you weren’t such a whore, you wouldn’t have to worry about dodging the unstable ones. I don’t feel sorry for you, at all,” Tanya said as she sat down and stared eating.

She was right. It was entirely my fault, but I just couldn’t help myself. I was a guy who liked sex and didn’t want a steady girlfriend, so being a whore, as she called me, was the only solution in my mind. I refused, though, to feel bad about it. I’d never given any of the girls who were clingy, or psycho like Maggie, any indication I wanted other than have sex from them. If they were that fucking delusional, then it was their problem.

I spent the rest of the day, once I’d finished eating, in my room.  After the party the previous night, I felt like I needed to spend some time alone and recover from the Maggie fuck up. I had to figure out how I was going to fix that mess.

Stripping down, I decided the first thing I should do was take a shower and wash Maggie off. Just the thought that there might be some of her still on me made me shudder. I walked into the bathroom and turned on the water once I was naked.

The water warmed my skin as it ran over my body. I washed my hair and then ran the bar of soap over my skin, making sure to cleanse every inch. My cock woke up as I ran my hand over it with soap, and everything but desire disappeared. Figuring it would be a waste not to take advantage of the situation, I set the soap down and gripped myself tightly.

Lazily stroking my cock, I ran some of my regular jerking off material through my mind. Nothing was working until I thought about Bella. Just a fleeting thought of her had me fully erect, and I began to pump faster. Imagining her on her knees, sucking me off had me gasping and panting. It was so easy to visualize her bobbing her head up and down as she swirled her tongue around the head on every upstroke. My grip intensified when I pictured her moaning around me.

I came with a shout on the shower wall. Dizzy and breathless, I leaned against the tile and tried to catch my breath. No other girl had made me come that hard in just my fantasies. It was with that thought I vowed I was going to know what it was like to fuck Bella, no matter what the cost.

~.~.~.~

Monday morning dawned too fucking bright and early. I dressed, ate, and told Tanya if she didn’t hurry up, I was leaving her ass, since her car was in the shop. I was so ready for that fucking thing to be finished so I didn’t have to give her a ride anymore.

Once we pulled into the parking lot, and I’d cut the engine, she was out of the car. I watched from my seat as she walked over to Bella. She had on this tight little top and jeans that showed off all the right curves.  They hugged and then went inside the building. My sister was going to end up kicking my ass, because I had no intention of staying away from her friend.

As I got out of the car, I thought about how I was going to go about winning the little game going between Swan and me. My methods, so far, had not worked, and I figured it was time to form a new strategy. I had to admit to myself I was completely out of my depth with that girl. Never had it taken so long for anyone to respond to me, and she still hadn’t even done that.

“Hey, Edward!” Emmett called out, breaking me from my thoughts.

I turned and saw him, with Rosalie tucked under his arm, behind me. Standing there, I waited until they’d caught up before I started walking again.

“Hey, man,” I said, opening the doors leading into the school.

“That was some party Friday, huh?” Emmett asked, looking over at me.

“Fuck you,” I said, pissed over the reminder of exactly how shot to shit my night had been.

“Don’t get mad because you’re a jackass, Edward,” Rosalie admonished, leveling me with a cold glare.

I was ready to tell her off, regardless of Emmett being there, for her bitchy comment when the sight by my locker stopped me dead in my tracks. Maggie was standing in front of it, moving her head back and forth every so often like she was looking for someone. I knew right then I was not going to my locker that morning, and it kind of made me mad. I really needed a book for my first class. It was going to be sacrificed, though, because having to deal with Maggie and her delusions were worse than the trouble I’d get into for not having it.

“Um, see you guys later,” I said quickly, turning on my heel and taking off in the opposite direction.

I heard Rosalie’s cackle as I walked away, and I flipped her the bird behind my back. The only thing I had going for me was that Maggie hadn’t spotted me yet. I knew it was only a matter of time before I’d have to duck and dodge her for the second time.

 _I’m so fucking stupid. Maybe my cock should be locked up_.

Letting my dick think for me was fucking my life up in all kinds of ways, because not only was I not going to be prepared for first period, but I also wasn’t going to be able to flirt with Bella that morning, either. Her first class just happened to be close to mine, and since I was going in the opposite direction, there was no way I’d make it there before she had to go in. Just before the bell rang, I slid into my assigned seat and began my shitty day.

I thought— _maybe_ —I was safe, until things went to hell before third period. Paranoia had crept in, making me take all kinds of crazy routes to each lesson. I began to relax, and that’s when it happened. A voice that made me want to run called out my name.

“Edward, wait!”

I started to walk faster the students who refused to move, clogging up the hallway, made it easy for her to catch up with me quickly. Completely defeated, I decided to get it over with and leaned back on one of the lockers behind me.

“I was beginning to think you didn’t hear me,” Maggie said, panting. “I missed you Saturday morning. Why did you leave before I woke up?”

“Maggie, please don’t do this,” I begged, hoping she’d just give up.

“What? Don’t do what?” she asked, scrunching her eyebrows.

“This.” I waved my hand. “Where you assume, because I fucked you, you and I are together. Nothing has changed, and I still don’t want that with you.”

“But..but…I,” she stammered as she stepped closer.

I put my hand up, stopping her. “Just—”

She cut me off, slamming her hand into my chest. “No, I know you’re lying! We had sex, Edward. That means something!”

I removed her hand from my torso. “I’ve had sex with a lot of girls, Maggie, and none of those encounters, including the ones with you, meant anything.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Maggie’s delusion that we had anything other than casual sex was driving me crazy. When they opened, I noticed she was red-faced.

“No, I’m not like those other girls, Edward. It’s different with us. I can feel your soul touch mine when we make love,” she said, smiling at me.

Bitch was obviously fucking crazy, and I knew I was going to have to be harsh, again.

“No, Maggie,” I said her name like a curse word. “You’ve got it all wrong. You _are_ just like all the other girls I’ve fucked—and yes, I said fucked. What we did was not making love. You know, if I hadn’t been so fucking drunk Friday night, I wouldn’t have come within twenty feet of your crazy ass.

“We did this the last time I made the decision to sleep with you, and I still think it was a mistake. So, just stop this. I’m not going to be your boyfriend. Hell, I can’t stand you.”

I stomped off, pissed Maggie had put me in that position. I could hear her wailing behind me, and from the stares and glares that met me each time I looked at someone I passed, I knew that, once again, I would be cast as the heartless bastard.

Slamming both hands against the bathroom door, I pushed it open and went inside. Thankfully, I was alone, and I went straight to the sinks, setting my arms down on the counter on either side of the basin.

My hands tightened into fists as I stared in the mirror, and the rage was noticeable. In weak moments like that, I let the fact it bothered me how people thought of me take over. I knew, in most ways, it was my fault. It still hurt that people were quick to believe I’d toyed with girls’ emotions. I was always clear about my intentions before I ever tried to take anything further.

They were the ones who agreed, and yet, when things didn’t go their way, they had no problem casting themselves as the victim. Girls were able to lie and twist things around to make it look like I was the bad guy. It wasn’t fair, but who was going to believe me? Society taught that guys were the monsters, and girls were always the wronged ones.

I turned on the tap, splashing some water on my face. After drying it with a paper towel, I buried my feelings deep, determined to show no mercy. I wasn’t going to let anyone get to me, because I’d be out of Forks soon enough. College was going to be different…I could feel it. I was going to leave all those fucking people behind and never look back.

The bell had rung while I’d been in the bathroom, so I decided to skip third period altogether. It was pointless—all that was going to happen was a trip to the principal’s office for being late and more missed time anyway. I decided the headache wasn’t worth it.

Since the halls were quiet, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to go to my locker and get the books I would need for my afternoon classes. I put in the combination and jerked open the door once I was standing in front of it, switching out the books. Patting down my pockets, I checked to see if I had my pack of cigarettes on me—which I did—and thought taking a quick smoke break outside would buy me some time before lunch. I was skipping, and it would not be good to get caught roaming the hallways.

A light drizzle hit me as I walked out the side doors, coating my face like dew. The moisture felt oddly refreshing as I made my way to the back of the school. Hiding in between the recycling bin and the wall, I pulled out a cigarette and lit up, taking in a hit. The nicotine in my lungs calmed me down immediately.

I stood there, getting wet and not giving a shit as I smoked. I’d figure out a way to explain the soaked hair and clothes if anyone asked. Tilting my head up to the gray sky, I tried to let my mind go blank and just be.

Not long after, I felt calm enough to go back inside. I made my way to the lunch room just as people started pouring out of their classes, being one of the first to stand in line. By the time I sat down and started eating, the cafeteria began to fill up. I saw Emmett and Rosalie enter and get their food. Their expressions when they noticed I was already at a table made me laugh, knowing it was because I was sitting there. I was always one of the last ones in the cafeteria. I shook my head, continuing to eat.

I kept my eyes trained on the far door, with each bite, waiting for Bella to walk through the door. Not being able to interact with her had contributed to my foul mood, and I knew if I could just get a glimpse of her, it would help.

“It must be the end of the world,” Emmet said, setting his tray on the table and taking his seat.

“What are you babbling about, Emmett?” Rosalie asked, sitting next to him.

“Edward actually made it here before we did. That has to be the first sign of the apocalypse or something,” he said with a sly grin.

“Oh, fuck off, Emmett,” I said, throwing a piece of lettuce at him. “I didn’t go to my last class before lunch. That’s why I’m here so early.”

“Well, I heard you were hiding after you told Maggie off. Were you licking your wounds, Edward?” Rose questioned with a smirk.

I rubbed my forehead in agitation. “Look. I don’t want to talk about Maggie or what happened. It’s over and done with. Can we discuss something else?”

Emmett must have taken pity on me, because he changed the subject to lighter topics. I let my mind wander as he babbled on, keeping my eye on the door. And then it happened; Bella walked in, accompanied by my sister and Angela. They went to get their food, and then they sat down at a table on the other side of the room. I was glued to each of her movements, watching the erotic way she took each bite of food. Bella was eating, for Christ’s sake, and I was sitting there with a hard on, staring at her like she was taking my cock in her mouth.

It was torture, and it wasn’t long before I decided to leave. To go and…I didn’t know exactly what I was going to do, but I had to get out of there before I attacked her. I mumbled my goodbyes to Rose and Emmett and left.

I walked down the hallway until I was standing in front of the janitor’s closet.

 _I need to get a grip on myself_.

I’d always been proud of my ability to not get overly involved when it came to girls. Yet, there I was, about to explode over Bella Swan’s eating habits. I shook my head, completely annoyed with myself. She was just a girl—an ordinary girl and nothing more. Whatever hold she had on me was nothing more than physical attraction.

 _Yeah, who am I kidding? This girl already has me by the balls, and I haven’t even touched her. Fuck me sideways_.

The sound of steps broke me out of my internal castigation.  I looked up and noticed it was Bella who was walking toward me, but realized she hadn’t seen me yet. Remembering I was standing right in front of the janitor’s closet, I decided— _once and for all_ —I was going to find out if whatever was going on between us was one sided or not. At the party, I hadn’t had a chance to really explore that possibility, but I was going to take it then.

Carefully and quietly, I opened the door and slipped inside the closet, keeping the door cracked so I could see out. Just as Bella was about to pass, I pushed it open and jerked her inside, slamming it shut. A gasp escaped her lips as I spun with her in my arms and pressed her up against the concrete wall.

I chanced a look at her face and saw she was staring at me in shock. “What the…Edward?”

I grinned, pulling her closer to me. “Surprise.”

“Let go of me, you bastard!” she yelled, hitting me in the chest with her fists.

I reached up and took a hold of her wrists as I placed my thigh between hers. I could feel her warmth on my leg, and I had to bite back a moan of pleasure. Fully erect, all I wanted to do was rub myself up against her, but I knew it would be counterproductive at the moment.

“Shhh,” I said, leaning closer. “You’ll give us away.”

“I don’t want to be here,” she protested, trying to push me away with her hips.

“I don’t think you mean that,” I said, staring into her eyes.

“I do.” she set her jaw and glared.

“Is that so?” I moved back slightly and took in her curves. “I think you just want me to think that. _I_ think you’re lying.”

“Listen here, you—”

“Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want me, and I’ll leave you alone,” I said, cutting her off.

She gazed into my eyes and then looked down at the floor. “I don’t want this.”

“Liar,” I whispered in her ear. “I know you’re attracted to me, baby. The feeling is mutual. Don’t fight it. Give in.”

She glared at me. “I hate you.”

“That’s fine,” I said in a low voice. “It’ll just make it easier later on.”

I bent my head, slowly moving it toward her face. She scowled at me, but didn’t try to move. I closed my eyes and pressed my lips against hers, testing the waters with a few small pecks. When I pulled way, the fire in her eyes was almost my undoing.

We crashed into each other at the same time, opening our mouths and twisting and twirling our tongues. Her taste was unlike any other, and I knew that afterwards, I’d always crave it.

My hands released her wrists, and they buried themselves into the soft flesh of her ass, pulling her flush with my body. Her fingers took hold of my hair and gripped it tightly, making me moan out loud. I pulled away from her lips, licking and sucking her neck. She released a low and sexy whimper that drove me crazy.

Panting heavily, I stopped my ministrations and looked into her eyes. The wild look she was giving me almost brought me to my knees.

I knew, right then and there, one taste of Bella Swan would not be enough.   
  



	7. Don’t Let the Bedbugs Bite

~.~.~.~

Good night, sleep tight,  
Don’t let the bedbugs bite.  
And if they do  
Then take your shoe  
And knock ‘em ‘til  
They’re black and blue!

~.~.~.~

 

**  
**

Kissing Edward was…there were no words that could describe what it felt like.

When he’d pulled me into the closet, I wanted to punch him in the stomach and run away. But, as he pressed up against me, he ignited the same feelings I’d had at the party when we’d danced together. It was so much harder to deny the attraction I had to Edward that second time around, but I tried anyway. The moment he called bullshit, I knew I’d lost. Edward was going to have me, and I was going to end up getting hurt.

 _But what sweet, sweet torture it would be_ , I thought as he invaded my mouth with his tongue. I’d kissed a few guys back in Phoenix, and none of them compared to Edward. He knew what he was doing, and I tried to let that thought go. I didn’t want to taint the moment, thinking about the various girls he’d been with before me. It was bad enough I’d given into his temptation and my desires. I didn’t need to add any more to it.

I was speechless as he pulled away from me, leaving open-mouthed kisses on my neck. It was nice…erotic…sensual. I wanted to say fuck it and have sex with him in the broom closet—school, propriety, and what was right be damned.

But when he looked back up at me, taking his lips away from the sensitive skin, reason returned. I didn’t know what to say. All of my resolve had shattered and was lying broken on the floor below us. His eyes promised so much, but I knew they were all lies. Edward Masen didn’t make promises…save one.

To give as much pleasure as you gave him.

I had ears, and I had heard other girls talk about his prowess.  It was obvious from my eavesdropping that Edward was fully capable, if I was willing to settle for a one time fuck…or a few, if I was lucky. From what I’d been able to learn, Edward always made it clear before things went further that sex was all he was willing to give. That he wasn’t interested in a relationship. That his heart was off limits.

As I stood there, gazing at him, I thought about what his silent stare was offering me. Could I engage in casual sex with him? No strings attached. No feelings involved. Nothing other than a good time.

The desire that had been building since I’d first laid eyes on him threatened to explode in that tiny closet. Somehow, I was able to keep it bottled inside, not letting Edward gain the upper hand by knowing my feelings.

“Are we finished?” I looked down at my nails, picking out the imaginary dirt.

“Um, I—” His features scrunched up as he stared at me.

“Okay, well, I guess I’ll see you around. It was…” I let the word linger for a second, “fun.”

I nodded and turned toward the door, opening it before I lost whatever courage I’d managed to find. Blinking a couple of times to try and adjust to the bright light in the hallway, I strode down the hall, hoping no one had seen me leave. I did not need a rumor started about Edward and me sharing the janitor’s closet. The gossips of Forks High would have had a field day, and being the new girl, I was sure it would have been a million times worse than usual. That type of attention was not what I needed.

The rest of the afternoon was spent in a daze, trying to figure out what I was going to do with the situation I’d found myself in with Edward. If I was really going to allow myself to be caught up in Edward’s web of seduction, then I was going to have to find a way to change the rules a bit.

From what I’d observed in the small amount of time I’d been there, and had heard from the loose lips of his past conquests, I realized one important thing. Every girl he’d slept with was infatuated with him, and they were willing to sacrifice their dignity for one night with him. Once a girl had a taste of him, she always ended up changing her mind and wanting more. The moment it happened, he had nothing more to do with that girl.

It was a dangerous strategy I was considering, but for my own survival, it seemed like the only way. To be able to walk away with my self-esteem intact when it was over and done with, I was going to have to be exactly what he expected. The girl that didn’t give a damn about catching him, only concerned with her own pleasure.

Again, from what I’d been able to glean from the populace, the only one that had ever come close was Irina. Maybe a talk with her was in order—not something I really wanted, but necessary. She was everything I wasn’t—beautiful, close to perfect, and didn’t seem to care about anything.

Then again, it had the potential to blow up in my face. Irina had no loyalties to me, and I really didn’t want her to run straight to Edward and tell him about our conversation.  I decided the damage talking to her would cause far outweighed the benefits and steered clear of her.

Was I really going to do it? Fuck without feelings?

The alternative was just too bleak to consider. I’d gotten a glimpse of what he had to offer, and I would have been a fool to pass it up. Well, maybe not a fool, but I’d feel like one.

“Miss Swan?” The teacher looked at me with raised eyebrows.

“Huh?” I jerked, startled out of my internal musings.

Snickers erupted throughout the room, making me want to crawl into a hole and die. I’d been caught not paying attention, and since it was the first time it’d happened in Chemistry class, I had no idea how the teacher was going to react. Thankfully, Mr. Molina moved on to the next person. I blew out a relived breath, ignoring the stares.

Once it was time for last period—study hall—I found myself not wanting to go. I had no idea how to act around Edward since everything had changed. Should I ignore him like always?  Should I say something to him? Fuck. I was not prepared.

Making a split second decision on my way to my table, where he was already sitting, I decided to act like I always had, hoping that would throw him off balance. I slid my chair out from under the table, plopping down in it and taking out my math homework. The best way, I decided, was to do work.

It was quiet for the first thirty minutes. Every time I’d peek up from the curtain of hair I’d put in front of my face, I could see Edward trying to concentrate on his own homework with a frown on his face. It made me think I’d confused him…which was good. It seemed like my plan was already working.

Just as I thought I was in the clear, at the forty minute mark, Edward went and ruined the peace and quiet, like I’d been expecting.

“Bella,” he said, leaning closer.

I ignored him, keeping my head down. Feeling a light brush against my arm that caused goose bumps to rise, I looked up.  “Hey, why are you ignoring me?”

_Success!_

I cleared my throat. “Um, what? I’m doing homework. What do you want?”

He stared at me for a few seconds. “So, it’s like that, huh?”

“Like what? I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I turned my eyes away from him and back to the task I’d been doing earlier.

I saw him nod to himself out of the corner of my eye, and his attention went back to his book. _What did that mean? Gah_. I was going to drive myself crazy as I was making him squirm. That kind of thing was completely out of my league, and I was not afraid to admit that to myself.

After school, I went home to an empty house—same old, same old. It was hilarious to me, because I couldn’t figure out how my father was going to “keep me on the straight and narrow”—Renee’s word’s, not mine—if he wasn’t ever there. I could have thrown a party and he’d have never known the difference unless one of the neighbors tattled. And with my luck, it would have happened.

Sighing, I made the decision to make something quick and easy, foregoing the preparation of a decent meal. My heart just wasn’t in it that night, and we always had something Charlie could warm up himself if he was hungry when he came home. Whenever that would be.

~.~.~.~ 

By six o’clock, I was ready to jump out of my own skin. Being alone all the time was starting to take its toll. I’d always been doing something, hanging out with someone, in Phoenix. I was being forced there in Forks to practically be a shut-in.

A split second decision had me calling Tanya to see if she wanted to hang out. I thought I remembered she’d mentioned her parents were out of town, and since my own was absent, it wasn’t like we’d have to worry about getting permission. She picked up on the second ring.

“Hello,” Tanya said on the other end.

“Hey, what are you up to?”

“Um, nothing at the moment. What’s up?”

“Honestly? I was sitting here, bored out of my mind, and wondered if you had any plans.” I bit my lip, waiting for her answer.

“No, not really. I’m all alone, and I was just going to curl up in my bed. I could come over there?” The last sentence sounded like a question.

“Yeah, come over. I’m sure we can find something to do.”

“Cool. I’ll see you in a bit.”

“You need the address?” I asked, remembering that I’d never given it to her.

“Bella, your dad is the police chief. It’s in every teenager’s best interest to know where he lives. That way, if we want to cause mischief, we’ll know when he’s at home.” Tanya let out a small laugh.

“That makes sense. I’ll see you in a few.”

“Goodbye.”

The line went dead. I shut my phone and smiled, happy Tanya was coming. Our interactions thus far had been limited to school and that awful party we’d attended with Angela.

I busied myself with getting some snacks and drinks ready, wanting to be a good hostess. Then I wondered if she’d had dinner yet, since she’d said she was all alone at her house. That had me wondering why Edward wasn’t home. The next thought I had was that Edward meant nothing to me, and it didn’t matter what he was doing. If he wanted to go out and do things that made me cringe or pissed didn’t matter. He didn’t belong to me, and I didn’t have the right to get mad.

I kept telling myself that as I tried to see what we had to make a quick meal. A knock on the door pulled me out of my musings and foraging. I walked into the foyer and pulled open the door to reveal Tanya on the other side.

“Thanks for inviting me.” Tanya pulled me into a hug. “I was so fucking bored.”

I shook my head and smiled. “It’s fine. I made some snacks, but we could have dinner if you want. I didn’t even think to ask when we were on the phone.”

Her stomach grumbled loudly, making her turn red. “You wouldn’t mind? I just…making something for one person is hard…and depressing.”

“Trust me. I know.” I turned and waved to the kitchen, shutting the door. “I had a sandwich earlier, but I’m still hungry. I hate it when Charlie works late.”

Tanya followed and leaned against the counter while I pulled out the fixings for a chicken salad. “Does he leave you alone a lot?”

I stopped, furrowing my eyebrow. “Um…I guess.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t want to pry. I just…my parents leave me alone all the time to go on this business trip or that vacation,” she rambled, casting her eyes to the floor.

“It’s okay,” I said, resuming my preparations. “I think Charlie’s just so used to working all the time, it’s like second nature now.”

She nodded, picking up a sliced tomato and eating it. “Yeah, Elizabeth and Edward Sr. are more worried about ‘keeping their marriage fresh,’ than spending time with their own kids. It’s pretty pathetic.”

I gave her a sad smile, knowing exactly what she meant. In Renee’s quest to find the “perfect man” for her, she lost sight of what should have been more important—taking care of me. After spending most of my time over the years with neighbors and friends of hers, by the time she’d accomplished that goal, wanting to play family with her new husband, Phil, it was too late. I’d already found something else that gave me satisfaction.

“Parents suck,” was all I offered. I wasn’t in the mood to delve into the fucked up relationship I’d had with Renee at the moment. I figured that conversation would be better left for another day.

~.~.~.~

We gorged ourselves with our salads and watched movies, occasionally commenting on the characters or just gossiping about people we knew. Well, people Tanya knew and ones that I was beginning to know. The one topic that wasn’t broached was Edward, and for that, I was grateful. He’d been in my thoughts too much those days, and talking to his sister about my mixed feelings toward him just seemed weird.

Tanya stretched and yawned. A quick glance at the clock by the television told me that it was almost midnight. I was kind of surprised that it was so late, but then again, I really hadn’t been paying attention. I’d been having too much fun with her.

“Well, I guess I should be going,” Tanya said, standing.

“You can stay if you want. It’s late…” I let the sentence trail off, not knowing how to finish it. I didn’t want to sound like her mother, but I worried about her going home to an empty house by herself. I’d heard all kinds of horror stories back in Phoenix, and while Forks was a small town that was supposed to be safe, being cautious was never a bad idea.

“You don’t think your father will mind?”

“I’m sure once I explain, he won’t.  He’s all about safety, being a cop and all.”

She chuckled, shaking her head. “You do have a point. Um...I didn’t bring anything.”

It was my turn to laugh. “Don’t worry. You can borrow something of mine.”

“Okay.”

She followed me upstairs, and I dug around until I found some pajamas that would fit her. I went ahead and changed into my own. At that moment, I sort of wished I’d kept my old bed, because it had a trundle underneath. Oh, well, it was too late to worry about it.

I climbed into bed and turned on my side, trying to get comfortable. I heard Tanya come in and click the light off. Bathed in darkness, I felt the bed move as she crawled in.

“It’s cool that I sleep here, right?” Tanya asked as she shuffled around.

“I don’t mind. The only other option is the floor. Sorry.” I snuggled into the covers further.

“I promise I won’t molest you in your sleep.”

Her words had me shaking my head.  The girl was a riot. “But I can’t promise the same thing.”

“Shut up.”

“Goodnight.”

~.~.~.~

I awoke to the sun shining on my face. Cursing myself for not shutting the drapes the night before, I got out of bed and looked over at the alarm clock. I noticed it was five in the morning, and as I was thinking about going back to sleep, I also saw that I forgot to turn on the alarm.

 _Guess I_ am _getting up. Damn it_.

I left the room quietly, making sure to not wake Tanya. I went to the bathroom and then headed downstairs, noticing my father sitting at the table when I entered the kitchen. He had a plate of eggs with some toast in front of him and a cup of coffee. I’d learned when I first moved there that breakfast food was the only thing the man could cook well, so I never worried about morning meals for him.

“Morning, Bells. Come join your old man for breakfast?” He stared at me, leveling me with the Chief Swan tone. I pulled down a box of cereal and grabbed some milk from the fridge, fixing myself a bowl. I sat down at the table with my food once I’d put everything up and took a bite.

“So, mind telling me why you had a slumber party last night?”

I set my spoon down and looked him in the eye. “It wasn’t really a slumber party, Dad.” I hoped calling him that earned me points, because I usually just called him Charlie, which pissed him off. “Tanya came over last night because she was stuck in her house by herself and lonely. It was almost midnight before we realized the time, and I offered to let stay here because I didn’t think it would be safe for her to go home to an empty house that late.”

“Hmmm.” He sat there, lost in thought for a moment. “It’s such a shame the Masens are always gone. From what I know, Tanya is a good girl, and it’s sad she’s by herself all the time. That no good brother of hers is always running around causing trouble, instead of staying home so his sister isn’t all alone. You tell her any time that she wants to stay when her parents are gone, she’s welcome. I’d rather have both of you alone together.”

“Thanks, Dad.” I resumed eating.

“I know I leave you by yourself a lot, and I wished to hell I didn’t, but it’s one of the drawbacks of the job,” he said, taking a sip of coffee.

“I’m used to being alone, but if Tanya’s going to be here more, then I don’t have to worry about it.”

He smiled at me and started eating. I took that to mean that the conversation was over and dug into my cereal. He tried to say he’d do dishes after we were finished, but I waved him off. I still had a half hour before I needed to wake Tanya up and start getting ready, so I needed something to do. He told me to say something to her when I woke up about staying when her parents were out of town, and I let him know I would. Who knew Charlie could be so fucking cool?

I went ahead and took my shower, dressed, and fixed my hair before I woke Tanya up. By then, it was six thirty, and I figured it was probably time to get her up. She jumped when I shook her, her startled face making me laugh. Once she realized where she was, she got up and went to my closet after I told her she could wear whatever she wanted. I left the room and went downstairs so she could get ready for the day.

Watching the morning news, I saw the weather report, not surprised by the forecast. It was going to be another rainy day— _shocker_ —as the weather man’s face pulled up into a fake smile.

Tanya bounded down the stairs quicker than I’d thought she would, and I told her to help herself in the kitchen. She joined me on the couch, cereal bowl in hand, and we watched the beginning of the Today Show when the program switched.

“Oh, my dad was up when I went to the kitchen this morning.”

Tanya froze mid-bite and turned toward me. “Are you in trouble? Shit. I shouldn’t have stayed last night.”

“No, it’s fine. After I explained the situation, he was okay with it. He even said that when your mom and dad are gone, you could stay here if you want.”

She set her bowl down on the coffee table. “Really?”

“Yeah, he did. But you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“Uh, I do.” She nodded her head rapidly. “It would be awesome not to have to deal with Edward’s _friends_ when he brings them home.”

I inwardly cringed when she mentioned his _friends_. It shouldn’t have surprised me that Edward brought home random girls, but I guessed I was hoping he had more sense than to parade his sluts in front of his sister. Obviously, I was mistaken.

“Ew, Tanya.” I wrinkled my nose.

She grinned, picking her bowl up and taking a bite. “Oh, if he was bringing home girls, I probably wouldn’t care, but it’s the dickheads he calls friends, or whatever, that come over. And it’s really annoying to watch Edward get bent out of shape if some guy decides to talk to me. He’s so fucking stupid. If he wants those losers to stay away from me, then he shouldn’t invite them to the house. You know?”

So Edward was protective of his sister. I hated to admit it to myself, but that had earned some points with me. Stupid, sexy, caring, and hot bastard.

Tanya ran upstairs to use my spare toothbrush as I washed her dishes. She tried to talk me into letting her do it, but when I told her no way and if she didn’t get a move on it, we’d be late, she relented. We got into my behemoth of a truck and ran over to her house so she could pick up her school bag. I’d learned earlier she’d walked to my house the night before—crazy girl—and told her I had no problem driving her around. She was reluctant at first but relented after I insisted it wasn’t a problem.

She was in and out in less than five minutes, and then we were on our way to school. We listened to the radio, singing along with the songs we knew. And during commercial breaks, we gossiped about the students of Forks High.

I pulled in and parked in the lot with time to spare. We grabbed our bags and walked to the doors, giggling like little girls. Tanya was in the middle of complaining about a test she had that morning when a voice interrupted her.

“There you fucking are! Do you know how worried I’ve been?”

We both turned and saw Edward walking toward us. His face was pinched and red, his footsteps quick. Once he reached us, he stood right in front of Tanya.

“Oh, fuck you, Edward. If you really gave a damn about me, you wouldn’t have taken off last night.” Tanya glared at her brother.

He scoffed, tugging on his hair. “I told you I’d be back later. Where the fuck have you been?”

She adjusted her bag on her shoulder. “Well, excuse me for not wanting to sit alone while you screw one of your whores. I went to Bella’s house and decided to stay the night. And I’m probably going to do it more often, too. The Chief said I could, so you don’t have to worry about me anymore.”

She stormed off, leaving Edward standing with his mouth hanging open. I chuckled at him and walked away, letting him stand there looking like an idiot. 


	8. And Washed the Spider Out

~.~.~.~

The Itsy Bitsy spider  
Climbed up the water spout;  
Down came the rain  
And washed the spider out;  
Out came the sun  
And dried up all the rain;  
And the Itsy Bitsy spider  
Climbed up the spout again.

~.~.~.~

 

**  
**

The past week had been one of the most confusing, frustrating, and irritating I’d ever experienced. After that kiss in the broom closet, I was so sure things were looking up. Instead, Bella continued to pretend I didn’t exist. I didn’t understand—I should have been ready to go in for the kill. I should have known better, though, because Bella hadn’t acted like any of the other girls so far. Why I thought in that instance she would follow the patterns I was used to was anyone’s guess.

If I was being honest with myself, the fact that one taste was never going to be enough for me wasn’t the only reason I had to have her. The challenge she was proving to be also excited me. I was no stranger to competition, but I’d only had it in the form of other guys trying to get the same girl I wanted. The girls themselves were easy. Bella…Bella was anything but easy.

The more she ignored me, the more I paid attention to her. It was the first time I ever took the time to study a girl, and when she wasn’t looking, which was often, I ended up learning a lot. Like how high school politics, the popular crowd, and people’s opinion of her didn’t matter. Or how she’d twirl her hair around her finger while reading a book that really interested her. Or, even, the way she had become loyal to my sister and Angela.

That last one was going to be a problem—I could see it. Tanya and Bella were becoming close, meaning I was going to have to tread lightly. It was obvious my sister was more attached to Bella than she’d ever been to her other friends I’d ended up fucking. I had a feeling if I screwed it up for her, Tanya would never forgive me.

It was with that in mind I’d decided to just lay everything out there for Bella. Honesty was always the best policy, right? So, if she knew exactly what was expected of her, and why I felt the need to have it that way, maybe we could avoid all the messiness that came along with the end of the arrangement. Bella was a smart girl. She had to know that my way was best.

The problem was finding the right time and place to talk to her. With her acting like I was invisible, it was hard to have that conversation in study hall, because getting _her_ to notice might also gain the attention of Miss Cope. Having a teacher on my ass for disrupting class was not something I wanted. So…I bided my time.

I also had to admit the fact that I was completely out of my depth when it came to that girl. Enlisting the help of Emmett seemed like a good idea. When I sought him out, I regretted that decision.

“Let me get this straight,” Emmett said, after I explained the situation to him. “You want me to give you advice on how to get Bella, but you don’t actually want her. You just want to fuck her. Did I get that right?” He gave me the condescending grin he saved for when he thought he’d figured everything out.

 _Smug fucking bastard_.

I looked over at him. When I’d come over to his house that evening, I figured it’d be simple. I could get some much-needed advice and then go find someone to take my mind off of my predicament for a while. However, Emmett was being a bitch, so it looked like I wasn’t going to get any relief.

Like I said…smug bastard.

 “Yes, damn it, Em. I thought we covered this already. She’s…she’s just…fuck!”

The fucker had the nerve to laugh at me. “I never thought I’d see the day when Edward fucking Masen would be all twisted up over a girl. Halle-fucking-lujah. I think the boy has finally seen the light.”

“Fuck you, Emmett. I am not all ‘twisted up’ as you say. I just need to get her out of my system, and then I can move on.”

“Well, you see, I’m not sure I should waste my hard earned wisdom if she’s just going to be another one of your fucks,” he said, crossing his arms.

“Really? Waste your wisdom? What are you? The fucking Dalai Llama?” He was so close to getting my fist imbedded into his nose.

“Look.” Emmett stared me down. “Bella seems like a decent girl. If she’s not interested, then just find someone else. There are plenty of girls that would be willing to spread their legs for you. Everyone knows you’re the king, so there’s no need to prove yourself.”

“Trust me. If it were that simple, I would have done that already. She’s under my skin, man. I have to do this.” I hung my head, feeling like a fucking pussy for admitting what the girl had done to me.

I heard Emmett groan. “You’re such a dick sometimes, you know that? Fine. But I swear, when this backfires on you, and it will, I’m going to punch you in the face. Bella’s too nice for your fucking games.”

That got my attention. It was the first time Emmett had ever threatened me for the way I treated chicks. It didn’t matter…Emmett’s threats would never come to fruition, because Bella was different. She wasn’t going to freak out like all the others. At least, that was what I kept telling myself.

For the next hour, Emmett imparted the skills and wisdom he’d used to land one of the most unattainable girls in school…Rosalie. I was shocked at how that fucker had been able to pull it off. It was no wonder he’d been so successful. I soaked up every word, silently happy that I had the information in my possession. Miss Swan didn’t stand a chance. She was about to be mine.

It was close to one in the morning when I finally made my way home from Emmett’s house. As I walked inside, it was too fucking quiet. While I loved the freedom I had when the parents were away, it was creepy at times to come home and know they weren’t around. I’d decided to see if Tanya was still awake and let her know I was home. She hated being by herself, and I felt bad about it, but I had a hard time staying put at night.

I knocked on her door, and there was no answer. She was probably asleep, but I pushed the door open anyway. I noticed her bed was empty the moment the hallway light spilled into the room. That was odd. She always slept in her room.

Worry became the dominate emotion as I searched the house for her. I acted like I didn’t care for her most of the time, but I did. She was my little sister, and I did love her, regardless of what anyone thought. If she was missing, it would be my fault because I just had to go out.

The search turned up nothing, so I got back in my car and drove around for a bit. I went by Angela’s house and even Peter’s, but everyone’s lights were out. Of course they were. It was almost two in the morning, and they were in bed while I was driving around like a maniac. I decided to turn around and go back home, thinking she’d probably just gotten tired of being alone and went over to Angela’s. She’d turn up at school, and I’d give her hell for making me worry. It was the only thought keeping me sane at the moment—especially since she had ignored every text I’d sent and let her phone go to voicemail repeatedly.

I fell on top of my covers when I got home, fully clothed, and passed out into a restless sleep.

~.~.~.~

Tanya had the nerve to tell me off the moment I saw her the next day at school. True, I’d been a dick for leaving her alone in the first place, but was it really that hard to leave me a note so I didn’t worry? Apparently it was.

She also called me out on the fact that I had brought girls home before—right in front of Bella, who she’d stayed with the previous night. While I wasn’t ashamed of my past, I wasn’t stupid enough to think that any mention of it would have a positive effect on my plans. It shocked me, making it impossible to come up with a retort as my sister left me standing in the hallway looking like an idiot.

_Score one for little sis._

Bella just stood there with a small smile for a few moments and then walked away. What was she thinking? Had what Tanya said given her a more undesirable impression about me? Or did she just not give a damn? Not knowing how to read Bella was going to slowly drive me insane. I just knew it.

The rest of the morning, I ignored the pathetic attempts of the slutty girls trying to flirt with me. It just wasn’t worth the effort to even glance their way anymore. Their methods were boring, uninteresting, and frankly, borderline embarrassing. Hell, I was beginning to feel embarrassed for them. Had it always been that bad?

At lunch, I couldn’t help but gaze at Bella. She seemed so happy, sitting there with Tanya and Angela. She had real friends and seemed to like their company.

I compared that to my own experiences with people, and while I had acquaintances, I hated everyone except for Emmett. I envied the ease she had with my sister and her friend. Even when people would try and talk to her in the halls, she still acted like she was interested.

She was just…I had to stop thinking of her like that.

I didn’t even bother with trying to get her to talk to me in study hall.

 _Fine. I’m fucking moping because the girl I want won’t acknowledge me_.

That didn’t mean I completely ignored her. Out of the corner of my eye, I kept tabs on every little movement or noise she made. It was like she had some sort of pull over me, and I couldn’t _not_ look at her. It was one of the longest fucking hours I’d ever lived through.

She shot up out of her seat and hurried out of the room once the bell rang. I gathered up my books and left, trying to catch up to her. I saw her again in the parking lot, leaning against her truck and talking to Tanya and Angela. I sighed, knowing that any chance I had was gone. Sulking, I walked over to my car and got in, starting it up.

I went home to an empty house, again, trying to figure out what I was going to do that night. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel like hanging out. There was nothing, and no one, I really wanted to do. It was a testament to how fucking pathetic my life had become.

And it was all Bella Swan’s fault.

I heard the sound of an engine outside, and I went over to the kitchen window to see who was there. Most people knew better than to come to my house unless they were invited…which meant not a lot of people showed up since I didn’t extend those invitations very often. To my surprise, it was Bella and Tanya—probably to grab some stuff to take to Bella’s house.

That piece of information, when Tanya had said it, threw me. I was happy that she would no longer have to be alone, but at the same time, I was fucking jealous. I wanted to be able to spend time with Bella, getting to _know_ her better, and my sister had beaten me to it.

The sound of their giggling echoed through the house, and I decided to stay out of sight. I was not in the mood to have a confrontation regarding Bella with my sister—especially not in front of her. That didn’t mean I wasn’t going to try and see what they were doing, though.

Peeking around the doorframe in the kitchen, I saw Bella standing in the living room by herself. I smiled, knowing it was the perfect opportunity I’d been waiting for. Since Tanya took fucking forever to make decisions, and had stupidly left Bella on her own, she had inadvertently placed Bella right in my hands. Always one to take advantage of a situation, I strolled into the room.

Bella was staring at some pictures setting on the end table, running her finger down the side of the frame that held, strangely enough, a picture of me. It was…kind of endearing the way she caressed the metal like it meant something to her and tugged at my heart. Our own fucking parents had put those up to show just what a “tight-knit” family we were, but the pictures themselves didn’t mean anything to them. But there Bella was, treating them like they were something special. I decided to make my presence known before I turned into a girl.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” I leaned against the frame, crossing my ankles.

“Oh, shit!” she yelped, jerking her hand back and making the picture fall forward. It hit the table with a smack, and Bella’s hands flew to her mouth. “I’m so sorry.”

I pushed off from the wall, walking toward her. “Don’t worry about it. Nothing broke.”

I picked it up and righted the picture frame—I made a mental note to explore the fact she’d been caressing my picture later—brushing her side with my own. She let out a shuddering breath, and I tried to hide my smile. The girl wanted me.

“So, um…” Bella started to say, letting the words trail off when she noticed how close we were standing to each other.

“Bella, are we going to keep pretending we don’t want each other, dragging this out until you cave? We’re losing valuable time we could be using to make each other feel good. I’m not afraid to admit I want you.” I was an asshole for just laying it out there like that…I knew it. But I was so tired of the back and forth, waiting and wondering, and the will she or won’t she drama. I fucking ached for the girl, and I knew, on some level, she did, too. The time for being subtle was over.

“Seriously?” Bella said, moving away from me. “Could you be any more of a conceited prick?”

I raised my hands up in surrender. “Look, I’m just stating facts. I know you felt something, because I felt something, too. That one fucking kiss made me realize that we’d be so hot together. Are you really going to throw it away because you think I’m a jerk?”

“I’m not going to be one of your whores.”

I blinked, shocked by her statement. I could never think of Bella that way, but her insinuation was correct. She would be one of my so-called “whores” if I had my way. I felt the need to redirect and try to salvage the situation.

“Bella, listen. It doesn’t have to be like that. No one has to know…”

“And how would people _not_ know? You’ve been pursuing me at school—in public. If that’s not putting a target on my back, I don’t know what is.”

 _Goddamn it_. She had a point, and I hated that she did. She was systematically destroying every argument I’d come up with. I could see why she didn’t want to be labeled a whore, but where did that leave us?

“Fuck.” I blew out a breath and looked at her. She was standing in front of me, twisting her hands and looking down at the ground. It took everything I had to stay rooted to my spot and not drag her up to my room.

“I’m not going to deny my attraction to you,” she said in a small voice. My eyes went wide, and I took a step toward her, only to stop when she raised her hand. “But I’m also not going to enter into one of your stupid arrangements, either. You say you want me, but what you really want is to fuck me with no strings attached. I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. When you decide that you’re ready to stop playing games and really have me, then we can talk. Until that time comes, I’m finished with this discussion.”

And with that, she left the room.

I stood there for a few moments, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened. She had shut me down before I’d even had a chance to use the knowledge Emmett had given me. _Who the fuck is this girl, anyway?_

I was still dumbstruck when Tanya and Bella came downstairs. My sister shot me a glare as she passed, probably thinking I’d tried to put the moves on Bella. She was right, but damn, she was my sister and supposed to be on my side.

I went upstairs to my room and turned on the television, hoping to distract myself with some bad sitcoms. It didn’t work, and my thoughts turned to Bella as I lay in bed. Emmett was right. The girl had me all twisted up, and I had no idea how to fix it. She wasn’t interested in anything I had to offer, so what did that leave?

The light bulb in my mind flickered, making me groan. _Fucking hell_. What she wanted was impossible. That wasn’t me, and I was leaving Forks as soon as that diploma hit my hand. The whole idea behind the way I did things was so I wasn’t tied to that fucking town.

But there she was, a girl I wanted more than any other, throwing down the proverbial gauntlet. The fucked up part? I was actually considering it. I’d never felt like that about anyone, and I knew it would be stupid of me to just let her walk away. Damn it, though, it pissed me off. I was close, so fucking close, to escaping. And there I was, on the verge of blowing everything.

The sad part? I was almost joyful to do it.

~.~.~.~

I made sure to get up early enough to get to school before Bella did. It was bad enough I was going through with my rash decision, but for anyone to actually witness it was more than I could bear. I made sure the letter I’d written had gone through the slit in her locker before I walked away.

There.

I’d done everything I could do. The ball was now in her court. 


	9. Will You Be Mine?

~.~.~.~

Curly Locks, Curly Locks,  
Will you be mine?  
You shall not wash dishes,  
Nor feed the swine,  
But sit on a cushion  
And sew a fine seam,  
And sip upon strawberries,  
Sugar and cream.

~.~.~.~

 

**  
**

I could not believe I’d done that.

When Edward had surprised me, I thought he’d be mad and yell at me for snooping around. Instead, he’d looked at me with a strange expression on his face and then hinted he wanted to turn me into one of his personal sluts. I’d stood my ground and told him it wasn’t what I wanted.

What did I want?

I honestly had no idea, but I knew I deserved more than what he was offering. I couldn’t—would not—be another pathetic girl following him around and crying myself to sleep at night because he had gotten tired of me. Nor was I going to watch him move on to his next victim as I pined for him.

Because, if that kiss taught me one thing, it was that I was never going to get enough of him. I’d already started to become attached, and if I let things progress at his pace and with his rules, I’d lose myself in despair when he decided enough was enough.

When I’d hinted to him the only way I’d consider giving him what he wanted was for him to give me a commitment, I thought I’d pass out. It was not what I wanted to say, but after I left, I wondered if, somewhere deep down, it was. I needed some sort of hold on him for my own sanity, to know he wasn’t going to fuck me over in the end.

Tanya kept asking if Edward had upset me on the ride home, and didn’t look like she believed me each time I told her no. In all honesty, I didn’t blame her for thinking I was a liar. He had thrown me for a loop when he’d just laid it all out there. But it wasn’t enough. I wanted—no, I _needed—_ more from him.

“I’m just going to kick him in the balls.” Tanya sighed as we entered my house. “I’m so sorry, Bella. I wish I could make him leave you alone, but he’s like a dog with a bone when he wants something. A million times more so when it’s a girl.”

I chuckled at her statement. “It’s fine. I know you can’t help how he is, and if he wasn’t so cute, I’d have kicked him myself long ago.”

“Bella,” Tanya said, placing her hands on her hips. “Please tell me you’re not falling for his bullshit.”

I avoided her as I shut the door and went to sit on the couch. I was trying to buy some time so I could figure out what to tell her. My big mouth and I had just put my predicament with her brother in the spotlight. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to share with her. He was her brother, after all. But, then again, she was my best friend.

_Fuck. Why does this have to be so complicated?_

Tanya sat silently next to me, waiting for me to respond. She didn’t pry, push, or try to manipulate the information out of me, which I appreciated. It also made it hard to keep it to myself. She was sincere in her concern, and it was with that thought I’d decided to let it all out.

I told her about our encounters, including the one in the closet, leaving out the gory details. She fumed and threatened to key his car. When I mentioned what had transpired earlier that afternoon, she went quiet. Honestly, quiet Tanya was much scarier than ranting Tanya, and I wondered what she was thinking.

“Do you like my brother?”  Tanya asked, staring at me.

I blinked a couple of times, shocked by the turn of conversation. Did I like him? I wanted to yell “of course I fucking like him” at her, but I didn’t think it would be appropriate.

“Well, duh.”

“I can’t tell you what to do, but please, _please_ be careful, Bella. My brother is a dog that only cares about himself. But I want you to be happy, and if this is what will do it, then I’m behind you.”

I leaned over and hugged her, happy that she wasn’t going to be difficult. It was a long shot, but if it did happen, having Tanya pissed at me for dating Edward would make me sad. I was becoming very fond of my new friend, and I didn’t want something like that to come between us. If I had to choose, it’d be her.  Without question.  

“I will say this,” Tanya said, scooting back and getting more comfortable, “I’ve never seen him stay interested in someone for so long and not get anything out of it. If this was going to happen, I’m glad it was you. He needs someone to kick him in the ass every now and then.”

I laughed out loud at her words, knowing she meant every one of them. We spent the rest of the evening laughing and gossiping. It was like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, because I knew where I stood with Tanya regarding Edward.

We fell asleep quickly, and my dreams were invaded by Edward once again.

~.~.~.~

We’d overslept that morning, barely making it out of the house in time for school. I’d forgotten to set the alarm the night before, stupidly happy over the turn of events of the conversation Tanya and I’d had. Pulling into the parking lot with minutes to spare, I raced to my locker to switch out my books. I noticed a folded up piece of paper falling to the ground as I shut the door. I furrowed my eyebrow and picked it up, curious as to who it’d be from. Quickly shoving it into my bag, because I didn’t have time to look at it, I ran to my homeroom.

Morning classes flew by, not giving me a chance to read the note burning a hole in my backpack. What it said and who it was from was driving me fucking insane. I felt like screaming at the teachers during their lectures and telling them I didn’t care. I wanted to read my fucking note.

The opportunity presented itself during Chemistry. Mr. Molina was absent, and the substitute had been instructed to let us use the time as a study period. I pulled out the piece of paper that had been begging for attention since I’d picked it up and opened it, making sure to hide it under the table from my lab partner. As I read it, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

_Bella,_

_You win._

_I don’t usually concede, especially when the stakes are so high, but I want you too much to keep playing these games. I know I’m going to fuck up and piss you off, but I’m willing to try._

_Can we meet at your locker before lunch?_

_See you soon,_

_Edward_

I stared at the lined notebook paper, afraid I’d misread the words. After going over them again and again, I realized what I had read wasn’t a figment of my imagination. I smirked and put it away, excited for lunch.

Opening my book, I thought it might be a good idea to look like I was doing work, even if I couldn’t really concentrate. I was nervous about what was going to take place when I met up with Edward. Different scenarios flashed through my mind, one more implausible than the next.

 _He just wants to talk, stupid. He might still be playing games with you, getting your hopes up so you’ll give in_.

A tap on my shoulder interrupted my thoughts, causing me to turn around. Sitting behind me was Mike Newton, and I wondered why he was bothering me. Did he want to get into trouble? A quick glance to the front made me realize the teacher wasn’t even there. During my inner monologue, it seemed I’d missed his departure.

“So, are you doing anything this weekend?” he asked, giving me a smile that was probably supposed to look sexy but just made him look like a creep.

“Um, probably.” I glanced at the clock, seeing we only had a few more minutes of class.

“Oh, well, if you’re not, there’s a party this Friday, and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me.” He leaned in closer, invading my personal space and making me feel a little uncomfortable.

“Huh,” I said, just as the bell rang. I had never been more thankful for that shrill thing more than I was in that moment. I hurried and grabbed my things, practically sprinting out the door before Mike could corner me for an answer. I really had no desire to go to a party with him. I had more important things on my mind than Mike Newton.

I slowed my pace as I approached my locker, nervous about what was going to happen. _Would he even be there?_

My fears were unfounded, though, as I passed the last group of people blocking my view, seeing Edward standing right in front of my locker door. I smiled at him as he stepped out of my way, letting me open it to put up my books. He tilted his head to the side and held out his hand. I took it and followed him down the halls away from the cafeteria.

“Where are we going?” I asked, curious as the stares we were getting became less and less as the crowd thinned out, until we were the only ones around.

“Some place private,” Edward answered, piquing my interest even more.

We ended up outside, behind the back of the school, I think. Just as I was about to ask what was going on, once again, I was pushed up against the wall. Edward’s lips attached themselves to mine in a demanding kiss, making me melt into the brick surface behind me. I felt his hands grab onto my thighs, and then I was moved up higher, wrapping my legs around his waist.

My hands buried deep into his auburn locks, wanting to feel the silky strands between my fingers. Edward moaned as I made contact and pulled me tighter to him, never once breaking the kiss. I began to rub up against his erection, nestled between my legs, earning another groan. He pulled away quickly, leaving me breathless.

 “I want you so fucking badly.” Edward began kissing down my neck. “You’re not going to make me wait, are you?”

“Wait for what?” I asked, panting.

He let out a small laugh against my collarbone. “You’re not going to make me wait to fuck you. I thought boyfriends were allowed that privilege.”

I jerked back slightly to look him in the eye. His note had been cryptic at best, and I figured we’d be hashing out the terms for him to give me some kind of commitment, not that he’d decided to be my boyfriend. Edward was just full of surprises.

“Hold on,” I said, pushing at his chest. He let me slide down his body onto my feet, giving me an annoyed look. “I thought…I mean…”

Edward let go of me and huffed. “What the fuck, Bella? You say you don’t want to play games and to come find you when I’m ready to have you. Well, this is me saying I want you. Are you going back on what you said?”

He scowled at me, and I couldn’t blame him for being mad. I was the one, at the moment, running hot and cold. But, in my defense, I never thought he’d actually consider my request, let alone decide he wanted it that quick.

“Are you sure? I figured you just wanted to talk, not that it was a done deal. Besides, you didn’t even ask me.” I crossed my arms over my chest, raising my eyebrows.

“Goddamn it,” Edward muttered under his breath, kicking a stone next to his shoe. “Fine. We’ll do it your way. Bella, wanna be my girlfriend so we can get out of here and go fuck?”

“You’re so fucking romantic, Edward. You know that? Way to charm a girl.”

“Take it or leave it, baby. This is as good as it gets.”

“Fine. You weren’t kidding. You do suck at this,” I said, biting my nail. His fists clenched, and he closed his eyes. “But I’ll be your girlfriend.”

The smug smile I both loved and hated made an appearance, and he grabbed my hand, dragging me toward the parking lot. I planted my feet firmly on the ground, trying to get him to stop. I tugged on his hand when he didn’t even pause. Turning toward me, he glared.

“What now?”

“Um, we can’t leave. We have to go to class. Lunch is probably almost over.”

He rolled his eyes, pulling me closer. “You really want to go to class?”

“Yes,” I said in a weak tone.

“Are you sure?” The tip of his finger grazed the side of my breast, igniting my desire. I fought with my body, trying to regain control. The cocky bastard was not going to win.

“I can’t just abandon Tanya. I did drive her to school today.”

He hung his head, muttering, “Fine. Let’s fucking go to class.”

Edward draped his arm around me and led me inside. The hallways were filling up with people as we entered through the door, and the stares we’d gotten before had doubled. It seemed like everyone had heard we’d disappeared together, and since Edward was still by my side with his arm around me, it made us all the more interesting.

Edward didn’t act like the attention bothered him, at all. He just walked beside me like we were the only two people there. I’d like to say I’d done the same, but the death glares I received from all the girls around us, probably most of his past hookups or girls who had wanted to be, made it next to impossible. I kept my head high, though, internally gloating at them.

_That’s right, bitches. Edward is with me._

He walked me all the way to my locker and then stayed until I was in front of my next class. Kissing me quickly on the lips, he said he’d see me in study hall and sauntered off. Angela was looking at me with her mouth open as I entered the room. I smiled and took my seat next to her.

“Oh. My. God.” She covered her mouth with her hand. “I had no idea you were fooling around with Tanya’s brother. How the hell did that happen?”

I just shrugged my shoulders, hoping she’d drop it. It was obvious everyone knew something was going on between Edward and me, but I didn’t really want to talk about it at school. That was all I needed—for the rumor mill to gain more information than what it already had.

As the afternoon wore on, more and more people asked me about what was going on with Edward. It was disconcerting, to say the least, because people I’d never talked to before had found the courage, because of what they’d heard or seen, to ask me questions they had no right to ask. Also, Edward and I hadn’t discussed what we were telling people, anyway. I didn’t want to assume anything at that point and just stayed silent.

I was thankful when it was time for the last period of the day, figuring that people would have a harder time interrogating me with Edward around. Sitting in the same chair I always did, I laid my head down on the desk. The one thing I’d learned that day was that making eye contact made people think they could talk to you, and I wanted to avoid looking like I wanted to socialize at all costs.

The sound of the chair next to mine moving made me look up. Edward plopped down in it, shooting me a smirk. It was the first time he’d ever sat next to me, and it made me secretly giddy. That gesture also drove the point home that it was real…that it had happened.

He leared over and whispered in my ear, “You never did answer my question earlier.”

I furrowed my brow and placed my lips against the side of his face. “What question?”

“Don’t toy with me. I’ve never been patient, Bella.”

“I don’t…” I really couldn’t remember what he’d asked me.  We’d said a lot of things to each other outside, and I wasn’t sure what he was talking about. As I wracked my brain, trying to figure it out, an annoyed expression crossed his face. He began tapping his fingers on the table in front of him, and I thought about how he had looked like that during lunch.

_Oh._

_Oops._

What he’d asked came back suddenly, and I understood what he meant. He wanted to know if I was going to make him wait before I slept with him. The real question was—should I or shouldn’t I? There was no guarantee either answer would be the correct one. So, I sat and contemplated how to respond as I ran my tongue over my lip.

“I’ll fuck you right here if you don’t stop teasing me,” Edward said in a low voice, making me snap my head toward him.

“Shhhhh,” I said, covering his mouth with my hand. “I’m thinking.”

I decided to pull a page out of his book to show him I wasn’t going to be intimidated. It would not be a good start to our relationship if I gave him the upper hand. From what I knew about Edward, letting him have any form of control was dangerous, and I wasn’t going to put myself in that position.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the rest of the students stuck in study hall with Edward and me were trying to inconspicuously watch our exchange. They were failing miserably, and it was obvious as to what they were doing. Rolling my eyes at a frizzy-headed girl, I pulled my hand away from Edward’s mouth.

“So, if I understand right, you want skip over all the getting to know you stuff and go straight to the sex.”

“Pretty much.” Edward eyed me up and down while his teeth pressed into the side of his lip.

“You’re an asshole,” I muttered, pulling out a book to read.

“You already knew that, and yet, you still agreed to go out with me.” Edward pulled the book out of my hand and placed it on the table. “What’s the problem?”

I knew it was too good to be true. Yeah, he was my _boyfriend_ , but he didn’t give a shit about me or who I was. I wasn’t sure if I could handle the fact he still wanted to treat me like a whore, only I’d be his whore who also happened to be his girlfriend. It was a bitter pill to swallow.

Deciding to ignore him for the moment, I took out my history homework. I concentrated on it for the rest of the period, while Edward was strangely silent. Every so often, I’d catch him looking at me, but I tried to not make eye contact. I was feeling kind of stupid, and I didn’t want him to see it written all over my face.

He followed me out the door once class was finished, careful to not touch me. It was what I wanted, right? However, the fact that he wasn’t touching or talking to me was slowly driving me mad. I wanted it, and I didn’t. Shit was more complicated than what I’d originally thought.

“Just fucking talk to me, Bella,” he said when we reached my car. “Remember, I told you I was going to fuck everything up sooner or later, so I think the least you could do is tell me what I did wrong.”

I glared at him, hating that he had a point. “Do you even give a damn about me, or am I just something to fuck?” The words came out before I could stop them.

Edward shrank back like I’d slapped him. “Whoa! What the fuck? You think this is all about fucking you? I have never, ever, put this much effort into anything involving a girl. Hell, I’ve never had a girlfriend before. Doesn’t that count for something?”

Edward had never had a girlfriend before? Sure, I was well aware that he got around, but I figured he’d have had a girlfriend at one point in time. The fact he hadn’t confused the hell out of me.

“I guess,” I said, begrudgingly admitting it did matter. Somewhat. “I just…”

He pressed me up against my car. “I look at you, and all I can think about is what it would feel like to be buried deep inside of you, and, at the same time, I want to know what makes you tick. I want you, more than I have ever wanted anyone else.”

His words had reduced me to a pathetic, panting mess. They infuriated and turned me on more than I’d ever been. Staring into his eyes, I could see I’d had a similar effect on him.

“Hey, guys,” I heard Tanya say.

Stepping away from Edward, I saw that she was looking back and forth between the two of us with a curious stare. Edward huffed, letting me go. I smiled and tried to shake off the desire I was feeling.

“Fucking hell, Tanya. You have the worst timing in the world.” Edward leaned against the car, pulling me against his front.

She crossed her arms and scowled. “Well, you were pawing my best friend, and I figured it was only right I come and save her.”

I could feel Edward’s breath on my neck, making me shiver. “Tanya, I’ll paw my girlfriend any damn time I want to. I don’t need your permission.”

A shocked look crossed her face. “So, it’s true. I though everyone was making it up.”

 _Thanks for the vote of confidence, Tanya_.

“Oh! I’m so sorry, Bella. I didn’t mean…” Tanya said, avoiding eye contact.

I shook my head. “It’s okay, really.”

“Is there any way I can convince you to go bother Angela for the rest of the night?” Edward asked, wrapping his hand around my waist.

Tanya glared, pursing her lips. “Fine. I’ll try to catch Angela before she leaves, but you so owe me, Edward.”

“Of course.” I could hear the smile in his voice.

“I swear…if you pull the same bullshit you always do, I’m going to poison your food.” She pointed a finger in his direction.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.” His other hand caressed my hip.

“I mean it.” She nodded her head once and then turned her eyes on me. “I’ll see you later then?”

“Yeah, I’ll call you.” I had a feeling she’d be interrogating me later, but I smiled at her anyway.

“Okay, see you later.” And with that, she walked off to find Angela.

Edward spun me around until I was facing him, stopping my forward momentum with his chest. “Are you going to invite me back to your place?” His face broke out into a crooked grin, and I knew I was totally and utterly fucked.

Was and would be in every sense of the word.

I decided to take the plunge and see what happened. I was all in…whether I liked it or not. “Sure…follow me.”


	10. The Lamb Was Sure To Go

~.~.~.~

Mary had a little lamb,   
its fleece was white as snow.  
And everywhere that Mary went,   
the lamb was sure to go. 

~.~.~.~

**  
**

As I followed behind Bella in my car, I couldn’t believe I’d gotten her to agree. I’d thought the note I’d put in her locker was cheesy as hell, and I was going to have to convince her to date me…be my girlfriend…start a relationship with me…whatever the fuck it was. I hadn’t been kidding when I told her I was going to fuck things up. It was true. I had no idea what I was doing, and it would be only a matter of time before I’d piss her off. And then my sister would come after my balls with a pair of hedge clippers.

I winced at that mental image, shaking my head to dislodge it.

Her reaction to my question about sex, though, made me realize I would have to put even more effort into making her see I was serious about _this_ …about us. While I was thinking over what Bella had said the other day, trying to decide if I could really do it, I came to a conclusion. I was tired of the girls I’d screwed at Forks High. They were all the same bubble-headed sluts that lacked the ability to have a decent conversation.

If I was going to do it—rip my plan into shreds—then it was going to have to be for a special girl. Bella qualified for that stipulation…and so much more. She was intelligent, and I knew we’d be able to have conversations that mattered. She had a quick wit and was able to see through my bullshit. I hated to admit it, but the way she put me in my place most times was hot as hell.

I’d decided the rest didn’t matter, and if push came to shove, I’d convince her leaving Forks would be an adventure. Bella hadn’t lived there all her life, which meant she might be easier to persuade. Maybe even attending the same college would convince her. To get out of that town, I would be willing to do almost anything.

Parking behind her, I shut off the engine and exited the car, slamming the door. The sound made her jump as she left her own, and she turned to glare at me. I smiled and walked toward her.

Taking her bag from her hand, I put it on my shoulder and grasped her hand in mine. “Come on. Let’s go inside.”

Once in the living room, I sat down next to her, releasing her hand and cupping her face. Her eyes were fixed on mine as I leaned in, pressing my lips against hers. Tilting my head to the side, I coaxed her to let me deepen the kiss by running my tongue between the crease of her lips. A moan escaped her, and I took advantage.

Tasting her again was the same as it was the first time—addicting, sweet, and _oh so maddening_. My hands slid down the sides of her face, moving further south to graze the sides of her breasts and settling on her hips. It was my turn to groan with desire when she shifted, placing herself in my lap, straddling me.

Whatever had been holding her back earlier seemed to have vanished, because she appeared to be on the same page as I was. It made me want her even more. Hooking my arms under her thighs, I moved us until she was underneath me on the couch, grinding against me and devouring my mouth. As I moved to take her shirt off, she broke the kiss, breathless.

“Not here. Upstairs,” she panted and arched her back, never taking her eyes off mine.

“Okay,” I said, offering her my hand after I stood. She pulled herself up once she grasped it, and we walked hand and hand up the stairs. I let her lead me to the door on the right, her bedroom, and checked out her ass as we walked through the threshold.

“Hey, my eyes are up here,” she teased, the tone of her voice lighter than it had ever been.

“I know. But I’m enjoying _this_ view right now.”

“You really are a jerk, aren’t you?”

“I never said I wasn’t.” I was tired of talking, so I began kissing her again. Leading her backwards toward her bed, I stopped when she could no longer move. Pulling away, I bent down to remove my shoes and socks. She smiled, falling back on the bed and began to take off her clothing.

I watched, undressing as she revealed each inch of skin. The more I saw, the more I had to fight with myself to strip before I jumped her. She was beautiful—from her alluring face, perky breasts, pink, glistening pussy, to the tips of her fucking toes. I adored every part she was courageous enough to show me, not once trying to cover herself. It made me ache to see her so bold.

“Fuck,” I muttered as I crawled naked onto the bed and hovered over her on my hands and knees. She grabbed my head and brought my lips back down to hers, attacking them.  Taking advantage of the position, I cupped her tit, alternating between lightly squeezing and caressing the flesh. As her hips began to move, I switched and gave the other one the same treatment. A mewl escaped her, making me break contact and lean down to take one of her tight peaks into my mouth. I sucked and licked until she was begging for me fuck her hard. _Patience, my dear_ , I thought as I ran my lips down her torso. She threaded her fingers through my hair when I grazed her stomach.

“Edward.”

“Shhh, baby. Let me take care of you.” Licking the taut skin of her abdomen, I continued my descent until I was level with her pussy. Separating her folds, I pressed my thumb against her clit, making her jerk. She ran her foot over my back as I thrust my tongue inside of her, rubbing my finger against her nub at the same pace. I could hear her moans and groans of appreciation and rose up on my knees, moving my tongue to her clit and plunging my fingers in her. Keeping a steady pace, I looked up and watched as my ministrations had her writhing on the bed. A few more licks had her coming in my mouth, the sight making my dick twitch.

I released her and bent over the side of the bed to retrieve a condom from my pants pocket. When I rose back up, seeing her spread wide open and gazing at me with passion was almost my undoing. I had to look away to open the foil packet and roll the latex over my cock so I wouldn’t take her bare. The girl had broken down almost all of my barriers in such a short time, but I wasn’t willing to add an unplanned pregnancy to the mix. I had become reckless…not st

I covered her body with mine and began kissing her roughly. She responded and gripped my shoulders tightly. Moving from her mouth to her neck, I kissed, licked, and sucked at the skin.

“Please, don’t make me stop,” I pleaded, half-mad with want and desire. “I need to be inside of you.”

“Take me, Edward. Fuck me hard.”

With those words, any and all semblance of control snapped, and I drove into her pussy. I stilled for a moment, trying not to come from the feel of her tight, warm flesh wrapped around me. It was almost too much, but when I felt like I wouldn’t be giving the impression of a pathetic virgin, I began to move slowly. Her legs wrapped around my hips, and I pressed my forehead to hers.

 _Ohgodmotherfuckingsonofafuckingwhore…that feels so goddamn good_.

The force of my movements became faster and harder until I was all but pushing her body into the mattress. Her cries of ecstasy were encouraging me to keep the pace, and my own incoherent babbling echoed through the room. Each time I plunged in and then pulled out, I came closer and closer to losing it. The feel of her hands tugging on my hair and her lips against my neck made me shiver, only adding to the tingling sensations coursing through my body. I tried to think of anything I could to hold off the impending release I felt building, but I was determined that she was going to come first. The girl always _comes_ _first_.

Gripping her breast and tugging on her nipple gently, I placed my head in the crook of her neck. “Damn, Bella. You feel so fucking good. I could fuck you all day…every day. For. Fucking. Ever.”

“Oh, Edward, I need more.”

 _Oh, baby, I know what you need_. 

Moving my other hand, I brought it between us and began rubbing her clit in quick circles. I needed her to come, badly, because my balls were beginning to tighten, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to last much longer. All of the baseball stats, images of my grandparents naked, and other gross things in the world wouldn’t be able to stop it from happening in a matter of minutes.

“Ohgodohgodohgodohgod.” Bella began to chant the words I knew meant she was about to find release. I slammed into her roughly and prayed that she’d reach hers before I did.

Just as I was sure I couldn’t hold out any longer, I felt her walls convulse and heard Bella moan long and loud. My eyes fluttered as the sounds and feelings drove me home. My own orgasm had me panting, screaming, and crying out to god until I was completely spent, my arms giving out.

My full body weight rested on top of her as I tried to catch my breath and pressed an open-mouthed kiss into the skin of her shoulder in apology. I was unable to move and knew I was crushing her, but not even her police officer father could have made me move from my spot.

 _So, okay, that’s an exaggeration. I’m sure the chief of police, toting a gun to shoot me in the ass for pounding his daughter would make me move—probably right out the fucking two-story window without so much as a pause_.

The moment I felt more like myself, I rolled off of her onto my side. Her sweaty hair covered her face, and her body glistened with the exertion of our fucking. Seeing her like that had me stirring, and I knew it wouldn’t take much for me to be ready once again.

 _The perks of being eighteen. God, I love my life_.

Pushing the strands back, Bella looked up at me. “I don’t think I can move.”

I chuckled, amused by her words. “You’re welcome.”

“And you’re such a cocky bastard,” she said, smiling.

As we lay there, basking in our post-coital bliss, I let my mind wander. Giving up and giving in to having a relationship with Bella had been easier than what I’d thought. It was scary, just how much I was beginning to care about the girl. She’d successfully broken down every excuse I’d ever had against being exclusive with someone. I feared there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

“Where are you going?” I asked, watching her leave the bed while enjoying the view of her naked form in front of me.

“I’m gonna smoke. You okay with that?” She knelt down on the floor and pulled out a circular, blue tin. Curious, I watched as she opened it and noticed she had a baggie with marijuana inside. Bella Swan was full of surprises. She didn’t seem like the type that sparked up, but looking at her take out the drug paraphernalia, I realized there was a lot about her I didn’t know.

She rose and walked over to the other side of the bed, sitting down on the edge and setting the tin on the comforter. It was almost erotic to watch her roll a joint—the way she carefully put the weed into the paper and then rolled it up. I sat up when she licked the paper and turned to look back at me.

“You want some?” she asked in a small voice.

It had been a while since I’d partaken in that particular activity, so I figured what the hell? If my girl wanted to smoke with me, then I’d do it. I nodded my head, and a grin pulled at her lips.

“We have to go over to the window. Charlie hasn’t caught on yet, and I’d like to keep it that way.”

She pulled on my t-shirt, looking so sexy in it—while still holding the joint. I stood and put on my boxers, following her over to the window seat. Taking it away from her, I reached over into her tin and grabbed a lighter, lighting the end and taking three large puffs. I passed it and held the smoke in my lungs as she opened the window, realizing she had some good shit. I could already feel the effects of the drug from just the first few hits. Leaning over her to blow the smoke out the open space, I pressed my chest up against hers. I watched as the smoke dissipated in the air over her shoulder. Moving back, I noticed she’d already taken her hit.

“Tell me about Phoenix.” I’d been wondering what had happened to make her leave her previous home since she’d come to Forks, and now that she was my girlfriend, I figured asking wasn’t against the rules. At least, it was what I’d hoped.

She cleared her throat and passed the joint. “Um, I was given a choice. Either come here or go to an all girls’ school.”

I chuckled, trying to picture what she could have done to deserve that ultimatum. “You don’t look like the bad girl type. Seriously, what did you do?”

Bella cocked her eyebrow at me. “I got caught fucking a guy in the back of his car by the cops. My mom was pissed, because she’d also found my stash earlier in the week.”

That was interesting. I figured she wasn’t a virgin, but it seemed that Miss Swan did have a wild side. Some guys would be turned off by her less than innocent past, but I wasn’t. In a way, she wasn’t that different from me. And that fact made her all the more appealing.

“I guess it was the last straw for my mom.” She took another hit, holding it in as she continued. “I mean, I partied and shit, but my grades didn’t suffer. She wanted the perfect daughter, and I never had any desire to be Miss Goodie Two Shoes, you know? So, I chose here, because I figured it had to be better than living with a bunch of chicks,” she said, releasing the smoke from her lungs.

“Yeah, but your dad is a cop.” I put out the nub on the windowsill.

She snorted and scooted closer. “Charlie believes what he wants. He has to know what I do, yet he never says anything. I think he’s content to bury his head in the sand as long as I pretend like I’m not doing anything bad.”

She had issues with her parents, just like me. Not nearly as bad, it seemed, but enough. I hadn’t seen my own deadbeat parents in months. They’d decided they needed another second honeymoon so they could fix their marriage after Dad had been caught fucking his secretary. As a lawyer, I wasn’t sure how Edward Masen Sr. still had a job with all the shit he pulled, but the shitload of money his father left him probably had something to do with it. That man could, and did, buy everything he needed—favors, people, and prestige.

How they treated each other, and everyone else, made me sick. It was all a game to them. I vowed a long time before I would never be like them. Hence, my plan to escape was born.

Ever since Bella had walked into my life, I’d had to adjust things, but I knew no matter what happened, I would not follow in my asshole father’s footsteps. I may have been a bastard, but even I had standards.

Bella laid her head on my shoulder, and I wrapped my arm around her. I’d never been someone who cuddled, but I could see the benefits of it. Having her warm body pressed up against me was heaven.

~.~.~.~

We stayed curled up on the window seat for an immeasurable amount of time until Bella’s cell phone began to ring. When she answered it, I was aware our alone time was up. She let me know when she was finished with the call, it had been Tanya, and she was on her way over.

That was going to be a problem. One of the things I’d been looking forward to was having Bella every night, since her dad was never home. Because he’d extended an open invitation to Tanya to sleep over when our parents were out of town, that was not going to happen, and I was a little pissed over it. I didn’t want to share Bella with anyone, least of all my fucking sister.

We dressed and, as soon as the last article of clothing was on, I could hear Tanya knocking. Bella ran downstairs to answer the door. I paused and decided to pull the sheets off the bed, going out into the hallway to retrieve fresh ones.

 _See, I can be a good guy when I want to_.

It didn’t take long to make her bed, and then I went to join the girls. I hoped my sister appreciated my effort, because it just seemed wrong for her to sleep on the same sheets I’d fucked her best friend on hours before. Pushing that thought out of my head, I walked into the kitchen and saw that they were discussing what to eat.

“I can’t believe you’re still here.” Tanya turned her nose up at me in a playful way.

“Uh, yeah. Of course I am.” I went over to Bella and put my arm around her.

Tanya sighed and smiled. “It’s going to take me a while to get used to that. I can’t believe you guys are dating.”

I rolled my eyes and squeezed Bella tight. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“Oh, you know what I mean. I just never thought you’d ever quit screwing everything with a vagina and stay with one girl.” Tanya said, turning her attention to the counter.

Bella slipped out of my grasp and went to go help Tanya prepare the food. I clenched my fists and fought to keep the tirade I wanted to direct toward my sister inside. Everyone was familiar with my man whoring ways, so why did she have to bring it up? Was she trying to piss Bella off and make her hate me by pointing out what a pathetic excuse of a human being I was?

Tanya and her big fucking mouth were going to ruin everything if she kept it up. I was aware I had fucked up every friendship she’d ever had with my selfish horn dog tendencies, but I was trying to change. Somewhat. Even though I was fucking Bella, I had no plans to leave. I’d meant that shit when I’d said I’d try to be her boyfriend. Tanya had to see it was in her best interest for Bella and me to date, instead of me running as soon as the condom came off.

I walked over and tried to help the girls with dinner, but Bella eventually told me to go sit down. It seemed me grabbing her ass and kissing her instead of actually cutting, slicing, or getting my hands dirty was counterproductive. Like I knew that. I’d never cooked a day in my life, so I should get points for trying.

Bella ended up doing most of the work, because Tanya was shit at cooking, and as I took the first bite of the stew she’d made, I almost moaned out lout. My girl could cook.

“Damn, Bella. This is awesome.” I smiled at her from across the table.

She swallowed, smirking. “Thanks.”

“I mean it. I’m eating here from now on. I’m so tired of Hot Pockets and Pizza Rolls.” I took a drink.

“Ew, really?” Bella wrinkled her nose in disgust and stared at me.

“Yeah, Edward and I can’t really cook, and we kind of have to get things to heat up in the microwave when Mom and Dad are gone.” Tanya took another bite.

“My mom was kind of a scatter brain, but she was an amazing cook. She taught me everything she knew when I was younger. I’m kind of glad she did before our relationship went to hell.” Bella looked down and studied her food.

Tanya was about to say something, but I glared at her, stopping her from opening her mouth. It was obvious by the tone of Bella’s voice she really didn’t want to elaborate, and I didn’t think it would be wise to push her. Just the thought of Tanya upsetting Bella with questions about things she didn’t want to talk about made my blood boil. And then I wondered why I felt that way.

~.~.~.~

“I promised Tanya she could stay. I’m sorry, Edward.” Bella reached up and gave me another chaste kiss. 

We were saying goodbye in front of the open door, and I didn’t want to leave. I tried to talk Bella into letting me stay—my suggestion was that Tanya could sleep on the couch when she began to protest. The claws had come out then, because Tanya had heard my comment, and she threw a fucking fit. She said it wouldn’t kill me to go home and let her have some time with Bella without me around.

Again, the fact my sister was stealing my girlfriend away from me pissed me off. I got that they were friends first, but damn it, I wanted to sleep with Bella. And for the first time ever, sex didn’t have to be involved. I’d kind of liked cuddling with her earlier— _who knew?_ —and I hated Tanya just a little bit for blocking me from doing so.

“Fine. See you in the morning then? I can pick you guys up if you want.” I nuzzled my face into the side of her neck, placing small kisses on the skin.

“Mmmm. That would be great. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll be here.”

I held her face in between my hands, tilting her head up and pressing my lips against hers, trying to coax her mouth open. She responded, and as her tongue tangled with mine, I became lost in her kiss. Pulling her body closer, I ran my hands down her back and gripped her tightly to me.

She drew her lips away from me, resting her head against my chest. I didn’t want to leave, at all, but I knew I had to. I let go and walked toward my car. Taking one last look before I got in, I could see a large smile gracing her face. I jumped inside and pulled out of the driveway before I said fuck it and went back inside.


	11. Hush Little Baby

 

~.~.~.~

Hush, little baby, don't say a word  
Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird  
If that mockingbird don't sing  
Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring

  
If that diamond ring turns brass  
Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass  
If that looking glass gets broke  
Mama's gonna buy you a billy goat

  
If that billy goat don't pull  
Mama's gonna buy you a cart and mule  
If that cart and mule turn over  
Mama's gonna buy you a dog named Rover

  
If that dog named Rover won't bark  
Mama's gonna buy you a horse and cart  
If that horse and cart fall down  
You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town

~.~.~.~

**  
**

Being Edward’s girlfriend hadn’t been easy. The first day I rode with Edward and Tanya, we’d been met with the stares and glares of the resident whores of Forks. The looks obviously questioned why he had brought me to school. I chalked it up to jealousy, because I’d learned from Tanya that Edward had never bothered to offer one of his past fucks a ride to school.

As the days progressed, the looks turned from jealous to incredulous. It seemed they couldn’t believe someone like me could keep someone like Edward. The goal, I was sure, was to make me feel inferior to them, but it had the opposite effect. I wasn’t the girl who thought she was ugly or plain, clueless as to why someone as good-looking as Edward found me attractive. I knew I was attractive in my own way. Their silent judgment didn’t penetrate my self-esteem.

The only time I ever reacted to the rumors, hurtful words, and gossip was in the girl’s bathroom. It was during lunch; I happened to be in one of the stalls, and I’d heard someone come in as I was getting ready to exit. I could hear a shrill voice whining about Edward, so I decided to wait and see what she would say.

“I don’t understand what he sees in her. It’s not like she’s pretty or anything.”

“I know. What the hell is wrong with Edward?”  I heard Jessica complain.

“She must be blackmailing him or something, because everyone knows he wants me. He’s just not ready to admit it to himself.” Lauren continued to fuel my anger.

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” Jessica’s voice sounded flat, letting me know she might not agree with Lauren’s assessment.

I had two options. I could hide and let them talk shit about me, or I could go out there and inform Lauren and Jessica they were delusional fucktards. I chose option two, flinging the stall door opened with a bang. I’d never been one to allow that shit to fly, and I wasn’t going to start then.

Both girls jumped at the sound, wide-eyed when they noticed I was the one walking out. If I wasn’t so pissed, I’d have laughed at their gaping fish mouths. Stupid bitches had no idea who the fuck they were messing with, but I was more than happy to educate them.

“Look…I get it.” I walked over to the sinks, calm and cool. “You bitches are freaking out, because if you haven’t already had the chance to fuck Edward, you just lost it. I’d be kind of pissy, too, if it had happened to me. But, the next time I hear you moaning and groaning about how much prettier you are than me, I’m going to make sure everyone knows you’re not.”

Turning on the water, I washed my hands and turned to pull out a paper towel from the dispenser. I dried them and glared at the two girls. They were silent, either shocked by my words or too stupid to figure out a comeback. Both scenarios worked for me, because it meant they’d shut up.

“Good talk,” I said, tossing the paper into the wastebasket. “I’ll see you around.”

After that incident, things calmed down. I’d like to have thought it was because Jessica and Lauren told people what a raging bitch I was, but it didn’t matter.

The hours after school were a different story. Edward became increasingly irritated because Tanya was always around. I’d felt bad, but then again, I couldn’t just kick her out. I had promised she could stay with me, and I wasn’t going to go back on my word. I’d been painted into a corner with no means of escape.

So, to even out the sex we weren’t having in my bedroom, we settled for fucking any other chance we could get. Most times, we’d skip lunch and get it on in the janitor’s closet or leave school grounds and fuck in Edward’s car. Both were cliché and uncomfortable as hell, but without any other choice, though, it had to do.

“Fuck, Bella,” Edward panted in my ear, thrusting harder.

“Mmm, Edward. Ah…Jesus! Hold on a minute.”

He stilled, and I adjusted myself, trying to move so the steering wheel wasn’t digging into my back. I whipped my head to the side to move the hair out of my face. We’d, once again, taken a drive during lunch because Edward wanted some alone time with me. So, we were engaged in some very awkward car sex. I was straddling Edward’s lap, with his cock deep inside of me, while he sat in the driver’s seat. Even letting his seat back had not helped with the cramped position.

“Come on, Bella. We’re going to be late if you don’t hurry up. And if I don’t get to come before we have to leave, I’m going to be pissed.”

“And I won’t? You’re such a selfish bastard, Edward. We need to find another place to do this.”

“You didn’t complain on Friday when I ate your pussy in the backseat.”

I circled my hips. “Shut. Up. And. Fuck. Me.”

He threw his head back against the seat with a thud and gripped my hips hard, tugging me toward him. “Fuck. Just like that, baby.”

I got lost in the motions, using Edward’s shoulders for support as I bounced up and down. He leaned forward to take one of my nipples between his teeth, biting down hard and pushing my unbuttoned shirt to the side with his head. A few minutes later, I was screaming as I reached my peak. Edward began thrusting up harder, trying to find his own release. The wild look in his eyes told me he was close, and I knew it wouldn’t be long. Being the wonderful girlfriend I was, I leaned down and sucked on his neck, hard, helping him out and marking my territory.

“Goddamnmotherfuckingshit!” Edward gritted out as he bit his lip, his hands digging into my thighs through his orgasm. Breathing heavy, he rested his head against my chest. I released the skin with a pop and smiled down at him.

 

A quick glance at the clock on the dashboard let us know we had ten minutes to return to school. We cleaned up quickly and redressed, and Edward threw the used condom out the window. He rolled his eyes at me when I told him that was gross, asking me if I’d rather put it in my backpack.

 _Asshole_.

We passed by Tanya after we’d entered the building, and she glared at us. I gave her a weak wave, knowing she was pissed we’d disappeared again. Edward pulled me closer to him as he walked me to my next class, and I let my mind wander.

I wasn’t sure how to fix the problem. I couldn’t please Tanya _and_ Edward at the same time, and I felt like I was the rope in a game of tug of war. I adored my friend, but I wanted time with Edward, too. Yet, I didn’t want to be the girl who tossed her friend aside for a guy, even if that guy was my friend’s brother. _Fuck_. There really was no perfect solution or magic cure. I was going to lose no matter what I did.

~.~.~.~

I’d like to say, once Bella and I got together, everything was all rainbows, unicorns, and shit…but no. I still couldn’t catch a goddamn break, and I went from not fucking Bella to, well, not fucking Bella very much. The whole reason I started going out with her was so I wouldn’t have blue balls over this girl anymore—well, that was until she’d gotten under my skin. After that, I had two reasons I wanted her. My sister had other ideas, though.

She’d claimed first dibs and wasn’t relenting in the slightest. It didn’t help the fact that, not only was I second string to Tanya, Bella was also hanging out with new fucking people. James and Victoria were all buddy-buddy with my girl, so that meant even less time I had for fucking…or whatever else we could have done.

I knew why she’d formed the friendship; I wasn’t a fucking idiot. James was her dealer, supplying her with weed any time she needed it. When I’d offered to get it for her through Newton, she’d told me no; she had it covered. I wasn’t sure whether I liked her choice of habits anymore, because it seemed the drugs were more important than me. And since I was a jealous motherfucker, I was not happy to have another thing come between us.

I kept my mouth shut and let it go. Things were still new, and I figured we would eventually find some kind of middle ground. I’d given up hanging out with most of my old acquaintances—not that it was a big deal—but it seemed like I was the one giving all the concessions. That did not sit well with me. 

We had decided to hang out at Bella’s place with Tanya that afternoon. Because little Miss Pouty didn’t want to go home, I had to settle for sharing my girlfriend with my sister. Again.

 _This shit is starting to get old_.

I sat on the couch next to Bella as they watched some stupid girly movie, trying to be the good, attentive boyfriend. Well, I was at least pretending to watch the movie—something a good, attentive boyfriend would do. Only, it was boring as hell, and I was trying to keep from falling asleep.

After I jerked awake for the third time, I decided I’d had enough. I nuzzled into the side of Bella’s neck and pulled her onto my lap. My erection grew as she wriggled, attempting to find a comfortable position.

I tugged on her ear with my teeth. “Come on, Bella. Let’s go up stairs.”

“You know we can’t. I feel weird with Tanya here,” she said in a low voice.

I banged my head against the back of the couch, irritated I was being cockblocked yet a-fucking-gain. Bella looked down at me with remorse, so I thought begging might work. “Please, baby. I need you.” I put on my best pathetic face.

“Oh, can it, Edward. Your dick isn’t going to fall off if you don’t get to screw her right this second. I can fucking hear you, so knock it off.  I don’t want to have to remove the memory of your dirty talking by sticking something sharp in my ear,” Tanya said, staring at the television.

 _Family or no, bitch is about to get tossed out the door_.

“Damn it, Tanya. Maybe you should go find someone for yourself, and then you might not be so worried about what I want to do to my girl.” I leaned around Bella and glared.

“O-kay.” Bella shook her head. “You guys should cool it. We’re not going upstairs, Edward.”

 _Motherfucking bullshit_. I wanted to throw myself on the floor and pitch a fit like a three year old; I was so mad. I didn’t, because I was positive Bella wouldn’t have appreciated it. I’d have done it in a heartbeat if it’d changed her mind, though.

“You know what? Fine. I’m out of here.”I nudge Bella, making her scoot off of me. Standing up, I stomped toward the door. Bella followed behind me and called out.

I didn’t stop until I reached the door, spinning around to face her. “What? I’m obviously not wanted here, so I’m going to go.”

“Don’t be like that, Edward.”

“Like what?” I crossed my arms, waiting.

“Like this. Like…you’re pissed because I won’t run upstairs with you. Your sister is here, Edward. You really want her to hear us have sex?”

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” I muttered, looking behind her. By the way her face contorted, I realized my off-handed remark may not have been as quiet as I’d thought.

“You know what? Fuck you. Leave if that’s what you’re going to do.” Bella began to walk off, but I grabbed her and pulled her back against me.

I closed my eyes, releasing a breath. When I looked at her again, I tried to keep my voice calm. “I’m sorry, okay? It’s just…I don’t know. Is it so bad that I want you so much? Is it really all that horrible?”

She sighed and melted into me. “No, it’s not. But…you don’t understand. I can’t just kick her out, Edward. I’m not going to be that friend; the one who ignores her girlfriend because she has someone. It’s rude.”

I understood where she was coming from, but it didn’t mean I liked it. “I’m trying here.”

“I know. I really do. Maybe you shouldn’t be such a jerk to your sister, though? You guys aren’t making this easy on me.”

“Okay, I’ll try to be better.”

The smile that spread across her face let me know it had been the right thing to say. I tilted her chin up and kissed her deeply, igniting my desire for her all over again. We were a panting mess by the time she pulled away from me. I’d like to say I was sorry I ended up coaxing her outside in the backseat of my car for a blow job…but I wasn’t. The fact that she’d ignored me the entire night hanging out with Tanya, as well as running to the bathroom to swallow whatever pills she’d decided to take, made me feel like it was the least she could do.

 I did finger her until she came, before I had gotten mine, though. _I’m not a total bastard_.  

~.~.~.~

Thanksgiving passed with my parents being too busy to bother spending it with their kids, of course. The excuse they gave was they needed a little more time to themselves. Apparently, the months Mom and Dad had been gone weren’t enough, so they continued to be the selfish pricks they where, leaving their children to fend for themselves, like always.

Bella ended up having Tanya and I over for dinner with her father. Since it was just them celebrating, she said two more people would be welcome. Her father must not have felt the same way, because he spent the entire meal watching my every move. I’d been introduced as her boyfriend earlier in the day, and he’d spent the rest of the evening making me feel like a bug he couldn’t wait to squash.

 _Fun times for everyone_.

It was ironic. All of those times I’d gotten caught by the Chief doing something I shouldn’t have been, and my smug attitude when he couldn’t charge me with a crime, had come back to bite me in the ass. If I’d have known then I’d be dating his daughter, I would have been more careful. Then again, I might have laughed it off if someone had told me I’d have a girlfriend, at all.

Christmas time was better…and worse. Better because Charlie had to work the holiday since he’d taken Thanksgiving off. Better, and worse, because the folks finally decided to grace us with their presence, meaning Tanya’s excuse for practically living at the Swan household had vanished. And worse because our parents also decided they should pretend to give a shit, becoming more interested in what Tanya and I did.

“Tanya. Edward. Come sit down,” Dad had said one morning as Tanya and I were coming downstairs; almost a week after they’d been back. We’d glanced at each other and then humored our father, sitting down across from him and our mother, who was seated next to him.

“I know both of you are used to doing whatever you want, but now that we’re home, things are going to change.” He leaned back, staring at us.

“What do you mean by ‘things are going to change’?” I asked slowly, wanting to see where he was going with his speech.

“What your father means is—it’s not good for either of you to be running around all hours of the night. You need structure and rules, so we’re going to start by giving you a curfew. And, Tanya, dear, I think that you should start staying at home overnight. You’re going to wear out your welcome with your new friend. They don’t need you over there all the time.”

I looked over at my sister, and she had a shocked expression on her face. Turning back to my parents, I decided that their new _rules and structure_ bullshit wasn’t going to work. “Are you for fucking real? You disappear for months, leaving us to fend for ourselves, and you want to start playing mommy and daddy now?”

“Watch your tone, smartass,” Dad said, glaring.

Mom placed a hand on his forearm. “Ed, calm down.” She turned her head toward me. “Edward, honey, I know you think we were wrong to leave you two, but it was for the best. Your father and I were able to work out some things, and we’re going to be home from now on.”

“Right, Mother.” I crossed my arms. “You’ll be here until he,” I pointed my finger at my father, “decides he’s bored, or whatever, and sticks his dick in the next young thing that crosses his path. And then you’ll have to go ‘fix’ your relationship again. He’s a horrible excuse for a man. You should just leave him already.”

“Listen here, you little son of a bitch!” Dad stood up and leaned over the table, right in front of me.  “I don’t really care what you think about your mother’s and my relationship. It’s ours, and it has nothing to do with you. From what I have heard, you’re no saint yourself. So, clean up your own messes before you start judging me.”

I pushed away from the table and stormed out of the room. I could hear my father yelling as I went upstairs, but I ignored him. Slamming my bedroom door behind me, I tried to not let his words get to me. It was hard, though, because he was right. Even though I’d stayed away from relationships in the past—because of how bad he’d fucked his own up—I knew, since he was my blood, there was a chance I’d be just like him. I’d be damned if I was going to let that happen.

I was going to do my best to be better than him, starting by being faithful to Bella. The thought of cheating on her had never crossed my mind, and it was the one thing I had that he didn’t. Yes, I’d fucked with girls, but I’d never committed to them and then went to someone else behind their backs; nor had I ever messed with a girl who had a boyfriend.

I lay down and looked up at the ceiling, wishing I was with Bella. Getting lost in her would help take away all of the turmoil raging inside of me. A grin spread across my face as I realized I could leave to go see her. Bella had said her father worked nights, and since my parents had told Tanya she had to stay home, there was nothing to stop me. 

I had to wait for my parents to go to bed before I could execute my plan. I had no intention of following their new rules, but I wasn’t going to risk getting caught, either. There was no way I was going to test how far their new interest in what my sister and I did went.

Besides, regardless of what they’d said, I was positive Mom and Dad wouldn’t be around for long, going by their usual patterns. That meant Tanya would be back to staying with Bella, so I had to take advantage of things before she would be fucking things up again.

~.~.~.~

“What time does your dad come home?” I asked, panting and throwing my arm over my face.

I’d come over after parking down the street, hiding in a bush by her house while waiting for her father to leave, and we’d fucked until we couldn’t move. I was finally getting what I wanted, and I couldn’t have been happier.

“Um, I’m not sure,” Bella said, curling her body around me. I pulled her into my side with my other arm. “Maybe eight in the morning?”

“I’m staying tonight.”

Bella snorted, wrapping her arm around me. “I figured you would.”

Uncovering my face, I turned my head toward her, pouting. She giggled, slapping me on the chest. “Ow, woman!”

“Oh, hush, you big baby. I just meant that it doesn’t surprise me. I’m happy you’re staying.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course. I know you think I don’t want to spend time with you, but I do. I miss you when you’re not here.”

Her words did funny things to me—things I didn’t want to think about. I let them hang, content to lie there beside her, enjoying the time we did have together. My fingers ran up and down her back in a lazy motion. She sighed, molding her body closer to mine and leaving no space in between us.

Her breathing evened out, and I could tell she’d fallen asleep. I lay there, thinking about how different things were. As long as I was able to be with her, I was content. Bella wasn’t the problem. It was the other stuff that seemed to get in the way that pissed me off. I wished we could just runaway, maybe even fast forward to graduation so we could get the fuck out of there. I closed my eyes, deciding to save that train of thought for another time. We’d figure it out, somehow. We had to. 


	12. Jack and Jill

~.~.~.~

Jack and Jill  
Went up the hill  
To fetch a pail of water.  
Jack fell down  
And broke his crown  
And Jill came tumbling after

~.~.~.~

 

**  
**

Things the past couple of months had been better. Since my parents had decided on an extended stay at casa de Masen, I had been seeing more and more of my girl. It had pissed Tanya off something fierce, because I think she was starting to like the laid back atmosphere of the Swan household. She still had weekends, though. I didn’t know what she had to bitch about.

I had started sneaking in Bella’s room at night. After figuring out the Chief’s schedule, I had my visits down to a science. I’d wait until right before he’d have to go to work to leave the house, and I’d usually miss him by minutes. Bella liked having me around so much; she hated being home alone.

Those times were the best. I was able to be with my girl without all the drama that came with high school. I didn’t have to deal with chicks pissing me off by trying to hang off my dick, nor did the guys that kept checking out what was mine interfere. It was just us…together.

Valentine’s Day was coming up soon, and I still had no idea how to celebrate it. Bella wasn’t the type of girl who went for the usual fancy dinner, dozen roses, box of chocolates, or jewelry— _thank fucking god_ —so I knew I’d have to be creative in my plans. Problem was…all my ideas were shit.

 _Was this class always this fucking long?_ I was pulled out of my internal dialogue by the teacher droning on and on about…I couldn’t even tell. I’d missed so much of the lecture, I was completely lost. Placing my hands behind my head, I stretched and yawned. The teacher looked my way, shaking his head and glaring at me. Yeah, I knew he thought I was being disrespectful by acting like the topic was uninteresting. Well, I was bored. He’d just have to get used to it like the others. I had a solid A in the class, and in my mind, I had a right to show my boredom.

“Hey,” a voice whispered from behind me.

I glanced back once the teacher was facing the board and saw it was fucking Lauren sitting behind me. _Great_. I wasn’t in the mood for yet another round of pathetic attempts at flirting courtesy of Lauren Malloy. I thought she’d been bad before Bella and I started dating, but it was nothing compared to what I had to deal with afterward. Lauren had stepped up her attempts to catch my eye, wearing more revealing clothes, passing provocative notes, and trying to put her hands on me every chance she got. It was annoying and nauseating, making me wonder why I’d fucked her in the first place.

Turning away from her, I pretended like I hadn’t heard when she slid a piece of folded up paper on the corner of my desk. I signed and crumpled it up into a ball, tossing it into the trash can in front of me while the teacher was writing on the blackboard. I had no desire to read it and didn’t want someone else to stumble across it. Lauren was not known for subtlety, and I was sure it was filled with all kinds of graphic promises of dirty things she was willing to do. While I didn’t care if she got embarrassed by someone reading it, I didn’t want my name associated with hers, because it would morph from Lauren wanting to suck my dick—or whatever—to me getting head in the janitor’s closet. I didn’t need that kind of headache, just because someone wanted to start drama.  

I was ready to go when the bell rang, rushing to put my things in my bag and racing out the door. Bella had a class two doors down from mine, and I was anxious to get to her. And, by anxious, I meant I was hoping to coax her into having sex in my car, an empty classroom, or….wherever. I wasn’t picky. Even though I’d just fucked her that morning, I was horny as hell and wanted her bad.

“Gah. I hate that class.” Bella huffed as I put my arm around her.

“Sounds like you’re frustrated. I can help you with that, you know.” I wiggled my eyebrows in a dramatic fashion.

She slapped my chest. “Don’t you ever take a break?”

“Yes. It was called class.”

“You’re hopeless.”

“Pretty much. But you like me anyway.”

She shook her head at me. “As much as I’d love to, I think we should go to lunch. We skipped breakfast this morning, if you remember.”

Oh, I remembered. As soon as I’d opened my eyes, I’d seen her laying next to me in all her sleeping glory. She’d looked like a goddess of slumber in the early morning light with the sheets tangled around her naked body, hair fanned out on her pillow, and a look of pure tranquility on her face. I couldn’t resist and ducked my head under the covers to give her a proper good morning. I’d woken her slowly with my tongue until she’d looked down at me with desire.

That one gaze had set my body on fire, and I’d crawled up to attack her lips. Being inside of her, moving with her, was something I didn’t think I’d ever get used to feeling. She’d grabbed onto my hair hard as she came, and it had caused my toes to curl and my thrusts to become faster. The moment I’d found release, it took everything I had to not scream out into the dimly lit room.

Bella raised an eyebrow at me, and I knew I’d been caught daydreaming. I could to try to fake it, pretending I’d heard whatever she’d said. But Bella was the type of girl who would have my balls for trying it, so I decided to go with the truth.

“After you said ‘breakfast’, you lost me. Are you sure you don’t want to take a drive…”

“Edward, we’ve been avoiding our friends, and I think they’re starting to get pissed at us.”

Damn, when she was right, she was right. Problem was…I really didn’t give a fuck if anyone hated me for being with Bella all the time, even if it was Emmett. I was confident he’d understand, because when he and Rose had first gotten together, it was months before he’d separated himself from her to hang out with me.

“Fine, but your ass is mine tonight.” I ran my hand down, gripping said ass.

She rolled her eyes and walked with me toward the cafeteria, staying silent. I noticed all of our friends were seated together on one of the far right tables—James and company included. I tried to keep my irritation locked inside at the sight of him seated with everyone else. The problem I had with James wasn’t jealousy—he was completely devoted to Victoria, so I knew he wasn’t after Bella—but anger at him for supplying my girl with whatever drug she wanted.

I knew Bella thought she’d hidden the fact she’d started taking pills from me, but I wasn’t stupid. The way she acted when she was on them was obvious, and I didn’t understand how she thought I didn’t know. I’d tried confronting James about it, but all he said was that she was a big girl. _Fucker_. My girl thought he was a great friend to her; I knew better. Bella was just another buyer keeping him in business.

Bella and I went through the line to get our food, and then we sat in the only two seats open—which happened to be next to each other. I placed my arm on the back of her chair and started eating, trying to drown out the conversation around me. It was the same tired bullshit I tried to avoid:  who was having a party that weekend, which couple broke up, and what girl had come to school in some outfit that made her look fat. _Fucking sheep_.

I glanced over at Emmett, and he shot me a knowing look. He knew just how much that shit bothered me and felt the same way. He only pretended to give a damn because of Rose, and she was one of the worst gossips at school.

“That sounds like fun. We should do that.” Bella’s words made me snap my eyes to her face.

“What the hell are you talking about? What ‘sounds fun’?”

She shook her head and closed her eyes tightly, opening them up a moment later. “If you had been paying attention, you’d have heard Victoria ask if Tanya, Angela, Rose, and I would like to hang out with her and Maria this weekend.”

Oh, hell no. My sister and my girl were not going to spend time with the drug dealer’s girlfriend and her sidekick. Angela, well, I really didn’t give a fuck about her. All I needed was for Tanya to start dabbling like Bella had been doing, and my parents would find some way to blame me for it. It was another thing I didn’t need.

And Bella…she needed to get away from the drugs before it got worse. When she was just smoking, it hadn’t been as big of a problem. Hell, I did that shit, too, and even though I was tired of her toking up occasionally, it was manageable. But since she had graduated to harder stuff, there was a chance that she would become addicted. And I wasn’t having it become even more important to her than me. Maybe that was a completely selfish and even more wrong reason to not want the drugs to take her over, but I didn’t care.

“Yeah, I don’t think so.” I leaned in close, whispering in her ear.

Fire ignited her eyes as she glared at me and spoke in a low, even tone. “Well, I don’t think you have the right to tell me what to do.”

My nostrils flared. “I’m not doing this here. We’ll discuss it later when we’re alone.”

“Oh, I’m looking forward to it.” Her eyes narrowed.

We separated for our afternoon classes after I’d walked her to History when lunch was over. It was hard to concentrate on schoolwork as I became angrier at her. _Why is this shit so fucking hard?_ All she had to do was listen to me, and then we’d be able to move on from it. Instead, she dug her heels in and wasn’t backing down. Of course, it would be a stubborn girl I’d decide to date, one that was more than willing to stand up to me. I was right, but that didn’t seem to matter. It looked like we were about to have our first fight. _Fuck_.

By the time study hall rolled around, neither of us was speaking to each other. She sat next to me, acting like she had before we’d started dating—like she wanted nothing to do with me. I was fine with it, though, because I knew I’d end up yelling at her. And getting into a screaming match in the middle of study hall was not my idea of fun.

The tension around us was thick, making it almost impossible for me to keep my eyes on the book I’d been assigned to read in English. I couldn’t wait to get out of there and hash that shit out once and for all. I don’t know why it was so fucking important to her to spend time with her new friends. All they’d end up doing was bringing her down with them, and she and I had plans—including college to attend. It was probably my fault she hadn’t even considered my plan to get as far away from Forks as possible, seeing as I hadn’t told her or anything. But whatever…I’d straighten that shit out once we left school.

~.~.~.~

We still weren’t talking to each other when I pulled into Bella’s driveway. I was thankful Tanya had gotten her car back a few weeks before, because having her there on top of everything else would have been too much. Tanya always took Bella’s side, and I really wasn’t in the mood to hear about how big of a fuck up I was. I knew it already, and it didn’t need to be repeated.

Bella huffed when I turned the car off, getting out and slamming the door. Thankful Charlie had decided to spend the day fishing, I watched as she stomped up to the house and left the front door open. Taking that as a sign she still wanted me there, I got out and went inside, shutting the door behind me. Bella was pacing back and forth with her fists clenched at her side, a scowl set on her face.

I took a deep breath, trying to keep the asshole inside of me at bay. “Listen, Bella—”

“Who in the hell do you think you are?”  She cut me off, stopping and glaring. “Last time I checked, I already had a dad, so I don’t need you to fill that role. You’re supposed to be my boyfriend, not my fucking keeper.”

Fine. If she was going to be like that, all bets were off. “I’m so sorry I showed any type of concern. It won’t happen again.”

“Oh, fuck you. Saying ‘yeah, I don’t think so’ is not showing concern. That is trying to fucking control me. You don’t own me.”

“Whatever. If you can’t see they are not your friends, that’s your problem. But I’ll be damned if I sit back and watch you destroy your life.”

“Destroy my life? What the fuck, Edward? I’m not a fucking junkie.”

There were many things I wanted to say to her, after that comment, but I refrained, knowing it wouldn’t help the situation. “Not yet, but if you keep going down this path, you very well could be.”

“What’s wrong with a little recreational drug use? You do it, and you’re not an addict. Way to have some faith in me, Edward.” She turned and headed toward the kitchen.

Her last comment had me questioning my position, wondering if I was worrying for nothing. My inexperience with relationships was coming back to bite me in the ass, once again. I was no stranger to being around chicks that were stoned, high, or drunk, but I never stuck around long enough to know if they were an occasional user, or if the drugs had taken them over. Maybe it was just my own paranoia that something was going to fuck things up, because I was actually trying that time. I decided to swallow my pride and let it go. I’d keep an eye on her for my own sanity, but I wasn’t going to continually nag her.

Walking into the kitchen, I saw that she was slamming things onto the counter, looking like she was about to prepare a meal. My mouth watered at the thought; Bella was a fuckawesome cook. I moved to stand behind her, gripping her hips and pulling her back against my front. The action caused her to stiffen, and I didn’t blame her. I had been a pretty big dick, after all.

“Do you know how sexy you are when you’re mad?”

“Fuck off, Edward.” Bella struggled in my grasp.

I held her tighter, refusing to let her escape. “I know I’ve said this before, but I’m still working the whole ‘boyfriend/girlfriend thing’ out. My sister would probably tell you I’m relationship retarded, and she’d probably be right. I’ll back off. Okay?”

Bella let out a chuckle. “Well, you got one part of it right.”

I let that little comment slide, knowing she was teasing me. “So, are you saying you’re not going to accept my apology? I have ways of changing your mind.”

I nuzzled my face into the side of her neck, and I could feel her melt into me. “You don’t play fair, Edward.”

“Never said I did. Now, I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure this is the part where you forgive me for being an ass, and then we have makeup sex.”

A small sigh escaped her. “So damn insatiable. Edward, I’m trying to make us something to eat.”

“We can eat later,” I said, nuzzling her ear. Her body went slack against mine, and I knew I was winning.

“But, Edward…”

“Later.”

I successfully coaxed her into the living room and stood before her, placing open-mouthed kisses on every patch of skin that was exposed as I undressed her. When her hands began to remove my clothing, I could feel my need for her rise. I backed her naked form up to the couch, and laid her down, crawling over her and settling myself between her legs. Pressing my lips roughly against hers, I felt like I couldn’t get close enough to her. Bella moaned, running her fingers through my hair.

My fingers lightly ran down her sides as I kissed her, landing on her hips. I gripped them and tugged, adjusting her to align perfectly with me. Her hands tugged hard on my locks, and I took that as a sign she liked it when I took control. With one quick thrust, I was inside of her.

I began thrusting, keeping eye contact as I held on with one hand on her hip and the other pinching her nipple. She arched her back, and my mouth fell open at how pleasurable the change in angle was.

It was hard to hold onto my grip with reality as I stared into those brown depths. It was like I could see everything I could ever want inside them. If I let the ridged control I had on myself slip, I could embrace the promises I saw inside. The more time we spent together, the more I realized she had the same goals I did.

Her fingers digging into my back broke my train of thought, the biting pain only adding to the bliss I was feeling. Her warm, wet pussy felt like heaven as I continued to push both of us to the brink of euphoria. Bella slid her legs down the backs of my thighs, anchoring me to her body.

_Wait._

_Warm and wet?_

_Motherfucking shit._

I froze mid-thrust, panicking at my stupidity. Bella opened her mouth to speak, but I cut her off.

“Damn it,” I said, beginning to pull out.

Bella’s face was full of confusion and anger. “What are you doing?”

“I fucking forgot. I can’t believe this. I never fucking forget. Never.”

She wouldn’t release my legs so I could get up, and it was making me even madder. “Let me up, Bella. I fucking mean it.”

“Not until you tell me what’s going on.”

“Fine, you want to fucking know?” My voice was getting progressively louder. “I forgot the condom, okay? I need to go get it.”

And then Bella did something I didn’t expect. She started fucking laughing. I stared down at her incredulously, wondering how she thought the situation was funny.

I rose up, wrapping my hand around her neck and putting enough pressure to get her attention, but not cut off her airway. “You think this is a joke?”

Her wide eyes stared back at me as she rasped out a reply, “No.”

“You want to get pregnant and ruin both of our lives? Make it so we’ll never get out of this fucking town?” I leaned down, my nose touching hers.

“Edward.” She rasped, grimacing and turning her head away from me.

“Fine. It’s probably too late anyway. I might as well get off.”

I resumed my thrusting at a violent pace. I could see every dream and wish I’d had for my future vanish into thin air, and it took everything I had to not tighten my grip on her throat. My stupidity and Bella’s nonchalance had accomplished the one thing I’d always tried to guard myself against—being trapped.

I hated her, but at the same time, I didn’t. A war raged inside of me, fighting to put blame where it belonged and not just take it out on Bella like my mind wanted to. I closed my eyes, loosening my grip on her neck. Bella cried out, stiffening as her walls convulsed around me.

Laying my head in the crook of her neck, I gritted my teeth as I pushed harder. I wanted to forget the last hour and go back in time before we’d possibly destroyed everything I’d worked so hard for. Moments later, I couldn’t keep the screams and moans inside as I emptied into her, my orgasm bordering on painful. I collapsed on top of her.

“Get off of me, fucker.” Bella pushed me, and I fell to the floor with a loud thump. Shocked, I couldn’t move and watched as she flew toward the stairs, still naked.

“Oh, and get the fuck out. Now!” She screamed, running toward her room after her declaration.

~.~.~.~

It was two days before she even acknowledged my presence after the incident. I didn’t blame her; hell, I knew I’d lost control. Tanya guessed something had happened but didn’t know what. That didn’t stop her from taking her anger out on me for hurting her best friend anyway. My car got keyed, my favorite shirts had been shredded, and she’d even made sure the sidewalk was extra slippery so I’d bust my ass one cold morning. That shit hurt like a bitch, but I didn’t retaliate; I knew it was the least I deserved.

The silence from Bella was what killed me the most, though. I wanted her to scream at me, tell me what a prick I was, or kick me in the balls. Something, anything, would have been better than the nothing I was getting. To everyone else, she was still the same, but there was a coldness reserved just for me.

When I finally got her to talk to me, she accused me of being a psycho. There was no defense I could come up with for my actions, so I just sat there and took every word, hurt feeling, and slap to the face that came my way. She was crying by the time she’d ended her tirade, collapsing on the floor. I’d slid off my chair and sat down beside her, carefully pulling her into my lap and whispering my apologies into the side of her face. She sniffed and turned to look me in the eye, leveling the last blow. She told me that she’d been on the pill since she’d been fourteen, and it was like my world went out of focus.

I felt like the biggest prick that had ever walked the earth. Had I just calmed down for a moment, she probably would have told me, and my freak out wouldn’t have happened. It was then I realized I had a lot of making up to do. And that would start come Valentine’s Day. Bella was going to get the best date anyone had ever had.

Her forgiveness didn’t come easy, but slowly, after that night, she had absolved me of the sin I’d committed against her. I relished being back in her good graces, and things went back to normal. At least, as normal as could be for us.

~.~.~.~

In the end, I didn’t put up too much of a fuss when Bella went out with her new friends and Tanya. I’d decided I had no right to say anything after how I’d treated her. And she wasn’t stupid, so I was confident she’d be able to take care of herself.

Emmett had talked me into going to a college party with him while the girls were otherwise occupied. It had been forever since he and I’d just hung out…without a girlfriend. I was looking forward to being able to chill without worrying about watching other guys eye-fucking my girl. We planned on staying with one of his former teammates from the Forks football team, getting drunk off our asses, and just having a good time.

Bella was a little worried about us going, saying that she didn’t trust the girls we’d be around. I kissed her and promised nothing would happen…other than getting drunk with Emmett. She grimaced but relented, telling me to have fun…but not _too_ much fun. Her comment made me chuckle, and I repeated her words back to her.

After we’d watched the girls take off, Emmett and I piled into my car and headed to Seattle. We made small talk during the drive, and it was nice to have guy time, complaining about our girls and the stupid stuff they made us care about. I’d missed Emmett, the Emmett without Rosalie, and told him so. He responded by calling me a pussy, and the conversation died.

We made good time and arrived in Seattle sooner than we’d expected. Mark, Emmett’s former teammate, told us he’d be staying with his girlfriend and his roommate was visiting his parents that weekend, meaning the room would be ours. I was secretly happy to not have to share a room with two extra dudes I didn’t know, because that way, I’d have a better chance of passing my drunken ass out on a bed.

Emmett and I used the showers in the communal bathroom to get ready, and then we headed toward the party. It was the same old, tired shit at every college party I’d ever attended with Em. Sorority girls running around half-dressed, advertising a good time. Frat boys and jocks sitting back and drinking beer while watching the slut parade. Was that what college downtime was all about? If it was, it was going to be a boring four years when it was my turn.

I plopped down on a couch next to some dude, nodding my head and taking a drink of my beer. Looking across the room, I noticed Emmett was engaged in some light flirting with a couple of blonde bimbos. I envied his ability to talk to empty headed girls like that and not want to poke his brains out, because I couldn’t do it. They annoyed me to no end, and I always ended up trying to skip the conversation and go straight to the fucking. Since I had Bella, I was at a loss. I had no idea how to act.

I drained my first beer quickly, standing up to grab a second. On my way, I rethought my plan to get shit-faced. What had happened last time I got falling down drunk popped into my mind, and I knew then I wouldn’t be able to keep it up. There was no way I’d do that to Bella. I was not my fucking father. With that in mind, I switched to water, grabbing a bottle out of the cooler and leaned against the wall.

“Hey, man. What’s up?” Emmett slid up next to me and nodded to the bottle in my hand.

“Oh, uh…I decided I wanted to stay sober.”

“Ha ha.” Emmett nudged me. “Seriously, though, why are you drinking water?”

“I told you.” I was getting exasperated. “I’m staying sober, Em.”

“You okay, dude?”  Emmett reached up and placed his hand on my forehead. I slapped it way and glared.

“Fuck off, idiot. Look, I’m a fucking whore when I’m drunk, and I’m not about to do that to Bella. Okay? Happy?”

A wide grin spread across his face. “Welcome to manhood, Edward. I’m so proud of you.”

“I hate you.” I punched him as he wiped an imaginary tear from his eye.

Emmett stood and talked to me for a while longer, and then he ran off to go play an “epic game of beer pong.” I rolled my eyes and waved him off, settling against the wall and deciding to people watch. Because I was one of the only sober ones in attendance, it was hilarious to watch everyone interact with each other. I’d never realized just how stupid drunk people were, because I’d usually be one of the idiots out there, but I was finding it quite entertaining. It was possible I’d never drink at a party again.

Since I was in my own little world, I didn’t notice the girl standing next to me until she brushed her chest against my arm. I jumped back, ready to tell her to go away when she started talking.

“You’re fucking hot.” Her words were slurred, and it looked like she was having trouble focusing on me.

“That’s the alcohol. In reality, I have a hunchback and a huge mole on my face.” _Please take the hint. Please take the hint, you fucking slut._

Her eyebrows scrunched up and her eyes crinkled like she was thinking hard. After a few minutes, she erupted into a fit of giggles. “You’re so funny. You’re not ugly. I think you should take me home.”

I noticed Emmett swaying on his feet as I was about to tell her no, and I rushed over to him instead. He smiled at me and nodded when I told him it was time to go, not putting up much of a fight. I thanked whoever was watching over me, because I had dodged a major bullet.

As I’d settled Emmett into the car, drunk chick came barreling out of the house, complaining about not having a ride home. I cursed my luck, because there were a couple of guys eyeing her. They looked like the type you wouldn’t want to meet in a dark alley, so I had no choice. I had to take her home.

Wanting to kick myself for putting Em in the back seat, I helped her into the passenger’s side and asked her where she lived. Of fucking course it was off campus. Sighing, I stopped at a gas station close to her apartment. Emmett wanted some fucking Corn Nuts and wouldn’t shut up about them until I said I’d get some.

I went inside and found them right away, paying the clerk. Throwing them at him after I’d reentered the car, I let him know it was the last stop we were making before we dropped the chick off.

Someone up there hated me even more, because I ended up having to help the girl to her door and had to duck when she tried to kiss me. I turned and walked away when she begged me to come inside. I’d gotten her home. Her safety was someone else’s problem.

We made it back to the dorm not long after, crashing for what little of the night was left.

~.~.~.~

 

“Where are we going?” Bella asked for the millionth time behind her blindfold. There had been one thing I’d learned about Bella since we’d been together, and that was she had no patience for surprises. She couldn’t stand not knowing what was going on, so I had to deal with her asking every five minutes. If I didn’t adore the girl, I’d have left her on the side of the road already.

My Valentine’s Day surprise was not going to be ruined by her incessant begging. “Just a couple more minutes, babe. Can you hold on that long?”

She crossed her arms and huffed. _Apparently not_. I shook my head and sighed, hoping that it wasn’t about to fall flat. I pulled into the driveway, took the scarf off of her eyes, and Bella looked confused.

“Um, Edward. Why are we at your house?”

I chuckled and got out of the car, running around to open her door. “You’ll see.”

She took my hand and exited, walking with me up to the door. Opening it, I led her into the dining room. The table had been set, and all I had to do was bring the food out that was warming on the stove. I told Bella to sit and went to grab our meal.  

Bella was impressed with dinner, wanting to know if I’d had it catered. I smiled and admitted Rose had helped me out with the meal preparation. It wouldn’t have done any good to lie, since she knew I couldn’t cook to save my life. We fell into silence as we ate, the only sounds that could be heard were utensils scraping on plates.

“So, where are your mom and dad?” Bella asked as I’d walked back into the dining room with a cheesecake for dessert.

I smiled and set it down. “They decided to go to Seattle for Valentine’s Day. Dad had some extravagant date planned, which includes an overnight stay at a fancy hotel. The bastard wouldn’t even tell us which one so we couldn’t bother them.”

“That’s just…sad. I’m sorry, Edward.” She looked up at me.

“I’m used to it. I’ll be free from them after graduation. Then I’ll never have to speak to them again if I don’t want to.”

She had a sad look on her face, and I wondered why. I sat down and cleared my throat. “So, I hope you like this. I kind of forgot to ask if you even like cheesecake…”

“I love it, Edward. Thank you.”

I cut her a slice and set it on a small plate, handing it to her. She took a bite and nodded her head, and I smiled as I fixed a plate for myself. That was what I’d wanted, just a nice, quiet dinner with no interruptions. I’d been happy when Tanya had let me know she’d had a date that night, as well. She wouldn’t tell me who it was with, but I decided to not let it get to me. I had a chance to spend the evening alone with Bella, and that was enough for me.

I wasn’t sure if Tanya would be back or not, so I asked if Bella wanted to stay or go home. She said that if her father found out she’d spent the night with me, she’d be grounded. So, we cleaned up and headed back to the car. It didn’t matter where we ended up. I was sleeping with Bella in either place.

“Hey, do you have a tissue or napkin?” Bella asked as we headed toward her house.

“Um, in the glove box, I think.” I kept my eyes on the road.

Turning into the driveway, I wondered why Bella was so quiet. I shut off the engine and turned toward her, my blood running cold when I looked at her.

“Bella?”

She snapped out of her frozen state and flung the scrap of material at me. “Why in the hell is some girl’s underwear in your glove box, Edward? I’m so fucking stupid. I should have known better.”

She jumped out of the car and ran toward her house. Glancing down, I saw that there was a lacy, blue thong on my lap. I opened the door and tossed it outside, disgusted by what I’d seen. How in the hell had they gotten in there? I hadn’t been with anyone else in ages, and I was drawing a blank.

Jogging up to the porch, I noticed the door was shut. As I was about to knock, the door was ripped open and Bella stepped outside, shoving me. I had to grab onto the banister as I went backward so I wouldn’t fall down the steps.

“What the fuck?” I yelled at her.

“How dare you, Edward?”

“I didn’t do anything. I swear. I don’t know where those came from.”

“Right.” She scoffed. “Do you think I’m that dumb? You had me fooled, making me think you were serious about me. I should have known. It’s always been about sex with you. You never gave a damn about me.”

She started to cry, sliding down to the floor. All I could see was red. I couldn’t believe, after everything, she was just going to accuse me without question.

“I’ve made so many fucking concessions with you, but it’s still not enough. I know I fucked up by assuming, but you’re doing the same thing. Right now. How about some faith, Bella?”

“Who was she? Was she some sorority girl from that party you guys went to? How could you do this to me, to us? I thought we had something. Clearly, I was wrong.” She began to sob harder.

No matter what I said or did, I was not going to win. Bella had made up her mind, and I was guilty. Forget that I’d brushed off every girl whom I’d come into contact with since we’d started dating; to her, it didn’t count. The evidence suggested I’d cheated on her, and for whatever reason, she chose to believe it. There was nothing more I could do or say, and pleading my case to her would be pointless.

She looked up at me from her position on the ground, and I nodded at her, fucking pissed by the turn of events. “This is why I don’t do girlfriends. I didn’t do anything, but you’re not going to believe me. I’ve given you everything, and you’ve given me nothing. I’m so fucking done.”

“I fucking hate you.” Bella glared at me.

“That’s fine. I’m out of here.” I turned on my heel, pulling my phone out of my pocket on the way to my car. I needed a distraction, something to take my mind off of the blinding pain settling into my body. I dialed a number I’d yet to use.

The person on the other end picked up. “Hello?”

“Meet me in the park in thirty minutes, or I’m calling someone else.”

“O-okay. I’ll be there.” She tripped over her words.

“Oh, and Jessica? Wear something sexy.”


	13. One For Sorrow

~.~.~.~

One for sorrow,  
Two for joy,  
Three for a girl,  
Four for a boy,  
Five for silver,  
Six for gold,  
Seven for a secret  
Never to be told.

~.~.~.~

 

**  
**

I slammed the door behind me with a bang. White hot anger, jealousy, and hurt flooded me, pulsing and coursing through my body. I wanted to hurt something, or someone, so I wasn’t the only one in pain.

How could he? After everything, I’d thought Edward had given up his womanizing ways, and he’d felt something for me. The underwear I’d found in his glove compartment had proven me wrong, though. He didn’t care for me, need me, or even love me. I was just another girl to screw, and I should have known better. The fact that he was more worried about fucking me should have been my first clue.

I’d been disarmed by his charm and willingness to give me the one thing he’d never given anyone else; commitment. Stupid me had thought that would protect us like an invisible shield against the world. What I hadn’t counted on was mutiny from the inside.

It sliced me open that I wasn’t good enough for him, and there hadn’t been a damn thing I could have done to change it. The night had been going so well and had to be ruined because Edward couldn’t keep his dick to himself.

As I walked up to my room, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry over the bastard. I would lock my feelings up instead and get on with my life. My first impression about him had been right; I should have never gotten involved with him.

I wanted, so badly, to call Tanya for moral support, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Even though I knew she’d castrate him for his crime if I’d asked, he was still her brother. I didn’t want to cause problems between them anymore than it was already going to. So, taking a deep breath, I called Angela.

~.~.~.~

“Why are boys so fucking stupid?” Angela asked, propping her feet up on the coffee table. “Edward should know better. You’re a million times better than anyone else he’s ever slept with. Ugh. Maybe we should go fuck up his car.”

I snorted. “I think Tanya will cover that when I tell her what happened. Last time I got pissed at him, she keyed his car. Remember?”

She threw her head back and laughed. “That was fucking priceless. Edward looked like he wanted to cry all day after that happened. When Tanya finds out, I’ll be surprised if he’ll be able to drive the damn thing.”

I was thankful that Angela had come over. Sitting there and trashing Edward with her was so much easier than it would have been with Tanya. Not that she wouldn’t have done it. In fact, she probably would have been the worst one. But I needed someone who wasn’t connected to Edward that night. Everything was too raw and fresh, and even the small tie to him would have been too much.

I just needed a little bit of time. The friendship between Tanya and I was solid, and I’d meant what I’d said all those months before. I wasn’t going to quit hanging out with her just because her brother was a giant douche bag.

I realized, as we sat there and talked, I hadn’t spent as much time with Angela as I’d have liked. Since Tanya had been staying with me, we’d formed a bond I was sure couldn’t be broken. Angela and I, though, were more casual friends than anything. If nothing else came out of that disastrous night, I’d hoped a stronger friendship would emerge. It was the only silver lining I had to cling to.

“Enough about me. What’s been happening with you, Angela? Any new developments with Ben?” I needed the distraction, even if it was about someone else’s love life.

Angela slumped on the couch, curling in on herself. _Shit. I suck as a person_.

“Never mind. I’m sorry.”

She shook her head and said in a small voice, “No, it’s okay. I just…I feel like such a loser. Tanya keeps telling me I need to forget about him, but I can’t. Yet I torture myself by watching him with other girls. He’ll never notice me. Maybe I’m just ugly or something.”

“Don’t say that about yourself.” My words came out sharper than I’d intended, and Angela snapped her head up. I cleared my throat, trying to get a handle on myself. “You’re not a loser for liking someone. He’s a moron for not noticing you. You’re kind, compassionate, and gorgeous. He’s the one with the problem if he can’t see it. Maybe Tanya is right, though. He doesn’t deserve you, so maybe you should at least try to forget about him.”

I knew it’d be easier said than done, because I had no idea how I was going to just “get over” Edward. The logical side of me realized he was slime, and I’d be better off without him. My heart didn’t agree and ached with betrayal.

“I know.”

“Look, I know it’s easy to say that. I’ll help you. We can both try to ‘get over it’.” I made air quotes. “I’m in the same boat as you, darling. We can be each other’s rock.”

Angela smiled and nodded. “I can agree to that.”

~.~.~.~

“I’ll…I’ll…he’s fucking dead.” Tanya paced back and forth in front of my truck.

As soon as I’d parked in the student parking lot, Tanya had come running over to ask if it was true. When I’d given her a confused look, she explained that Edward had said we’d broken up but wouldn’t give any details. I didn’t feel like I owed him any loyalties, since he’d so casually decided I didn’t matter, so I’d told her everything. By the time I was finished, Tanya was seeing red.

“Hey, guys, what’s up?” Angela asked, walking toward us.

“I told her,” I said, watching Tanya fume.

“Ohhhhh.” Angela nodded.

Tanya stopped and glared at Angela. “You already knew?”

I sighed. “I’m sorry. I was going to call you, but you’d have killed him before you came over. I figured I’d save you a trip to jail.”

She held my gaze for a few minutes, and I was afraid my joke had fallen flat. Then she burst out laughing. “You know me too well. I hope Edward is ready to say goodbye to his precious car. It’s about to be torched.”

“I love you,” I said to Tanya, thankful her crazy ass was on my side.

She blew a kiss at me. “Any time. I’m disowning the fucker. I’m done with his shit.”

She linked her arms with mine and Angela’s, and we walked together into school with all eyes on us. I held my chin high, unwilling to let the stares get to me. That was, until the sight of Edward leaning against the wall with Jessica Stanley almost knocked the wind out of me. I began to pause my steps, but a reassuring squeeze from the girls gave me the courage to advert my eyes and continue. The asshole was not going to win.

Every passing period was the same. I felt like I was on display for the whole student body to dissect as I walked the halls. The news of the breakup had been undeniable since Edward had moved from me to Jessica so fast. Girls snickered and whispered behind their hands each time I passed them. If I was a weaker girl, I would have run to the bathroom and cried every time I’d seen it. I wasn’t that girl, though, so I glared at each and every one who dared to look my way. Most ducked their heads when they met my eyes. Some of the more smug ones, like Lauren, just smiled. At those times, I just rolled my eyes. I still didn’t see what Edward saw in those vapid girls, and if he was that stupid, then I figured I was better off without him.

The breakup had also caused a divide within the new group that had been formed when Edward and I started dating, with a few exceptions. James and crew stayed with us, and Rose and Emmett broke off to join Edward. I caught Rosalie looking over at our table like she wished she could have stayed, but I didn’t hate her for it. She was loyal to Emmett, and it wasn’t his fault his choice in friends was terrible.

“Everyone’s invited to my house this weekend,” James announced out of the blue.

“Really? Are you having a party?” Tanya leaned in closer, intrigued.

“Um, not really. It’s more like a gathering of close friends. I can’t stand most of the fake people here, so why invite them?” James shrugged.

“Good point. I’m in.” I took a bite of my pizza.

“Me too. It’ll be nice to not have to pretend I like these idiots.” Tanya smiled and nodded.

Angela fidgeted with her drink. “Sure. I’ve got nothing planned.”

“Awesome. You girls won’t regret it,” James said, looking at us.

“You guys have to come over to my house and get ready. We’ll have fun.” Victoria cut in, sounding excited.

“Yes.” Maria joined in. “That’s an excellent idea.”

Ever since we’d hung out the weekend before, Tanya, Angela, and I had become closer to Victoria and Maria. During our trip to the mall, we’d talked about all kinds of things, and we’d found out we’d had more in common with the two girls than we’d previously thought. Having two more allies in those hostile times after my split with Edward made it easier to ignore him.

Study hall was the only time I had any problems. Edward, for whatever reason, continued to sit with me. I wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t want to find another seat, or if he just liked torturing me.

I did my best to pretend I was the only person sitting there. Looking at him hurt, more than anything I’d ever felt before. As much as I tried to tell myself I’d get over him, I wasn’t so sure. He’d caught me in his web, and I was having a hard time extracting myself. I wondered if—possibly—the choice to be his plaything would have been better.

 _I’m so fucked up in the head_.

I caught Edward staring at me halfway through the period. I’d been reading, and the feeling of someone watching me had caused me to look up. Once he realized I’d noticed, he jerked away and trained his gaze on his homework. I couldn’t be sure, but I thought I saw longing and pain in his eyes.

I had to be wrong. Edward had no heart. He didn’t feel emotions like the rest of us.  

~.~.~.~

The week had passed by with little changes. Edward and I avoided each other, but I still caught him watching me every so often. By that time, Edward had moved from Stanley and had started in with Irina. Not that I was keeping track or anything.

I’d decided that it was time for me to find someone else, as well. I was just being more selective in my choice of partners than my ex-boyfriend was. The girls and I were certain he would end up getting some kind of disease from one of the skanks he kept company with. It was only a matter of time. We all had a good laugh about that topic.

Time slowed to a crawl, but Friday came to us nonetheless. I’d been waiting for it all week—the get-together at James’ house. The biggest draw for me was that Edward wouldn’t be there—no way would James have invited him. It also meant I could keep some of my self-respect and not have to act like seeing him with someone else didn’t reduce my insides to shreds every…single…time.

Tanya, Angela, and I were at Victoria’s house by seven that evening. Victoria was all smiles and hugs when she answered the door, ushering us up to her room where Maria sat on her bed waiting for us. My fear of any lingering awkwardness between us girls vanished as Maria pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels and offered everyone a drink. We took turns taking sips from the bottle as we got ready.

“Oh!” Victoria yanked the bottle from her mouth, spilling some on her shirt. “Shit! Now I’m all wet.” She giggled. “Fuck it. Anyway, I almost forgot to tell you! Rose is going to be at James’ house later.”

The information surprised me. I hadn’t talked to Rosalie since the day she met up with us at the mall. I’d really enjoyed spending time with her and the other girls, convinced we’d get to know each other better because our boyfriends were best friends. When Edward and I broke up, I’d thought that was the end of our possible budding friendship. It seemed, though, that might not be the case.

“Oh, yeah?” Tanya bent closer to the mirror to inspect her lipstick. “I’d have thought she’d be with Emmett. Girl is stuck so far up his ass, it’s not funny.”

“Well, I don’t know anything about that.” Victoria smiled and passed the bottle to Angela. “I talked to her in chemistry today, and she was talking about being bored tonight, because she refused to hang out another night with Emmett, Edward, and one of his sluts. When I mentioned my plans, she asked if it’d be okay if she showed up. I didn’t think anyone would mind, though.”

“No, it’s cool,” I blurted out.

Angela gave me a sideways glance, and Tanya studied me for a moment. Their concern was ridiculous, since I was sure Rose’s intentions had nothing to do with Edward.

“Yeah, it should be fine.” Tanya nodded and went back to getting ready.

The atmosphere was more relaxed at James’ house when we arrived. Because of the small number of people in attendance, the gathering felt more intimate somehow. Some I’d never met, and others I’d seen around school, but all welcomed me warmly as I walked passed them. It was nice, not having to keep my guard up. I had a feeling it was going to be a good night.

“Hey there, Swan! Good to see you!” James wrapped his arm around Victoria when we reached him. It was all I could do to keep the smile on my face when they kissed hello. Even though Edward was a fucking bastard, I still missed the way he used to greet me.

“Yeah, I’m glad to be here.” It wasn’t a total lie, even if I was a bit uncomfortable. I’d needed the chance to unwind and let the stress of Edward and his shit go. The party…gathering…whatever…was just the place to do it.

I excused myself from James, Victoria, and the rest of the girls to go find something to drink. Walking toward the kitchen, I noticed Tyler staring at me. Assessing him without pausing my steps, I decided he was kind of cute. Not the usual type I’d go for, since he was a jock and all, but not a complete creep either. He was tall with blue eyes and a nice ass. I smiled to myself as I continued on, thinking he’d be perfect for getting over my heartache.

“Hey, Bella.” I heard behind me. Turning, I saw Tyler looking down at the cup in my hands. “I wouldn’t have taken you for a beer drinker. If I had to guess, I’d say you’re more of a tequila sort of girl. Am I wrong?”

I bit my lip and smirked, trying to look sexy. It must have worked, because Tyler swallowed. I had a feeling, if I wanted it, I’d have had the boy eating out of the palm of my hand. That sounded arrogant and bitchy in my head, but after what I’d went through with my ex, I didn’t give a damn. I deserved a chance at happiness. Or at least a little fun.

“No, you’re not wrong. I hate beer, but it seems to be the only beverage they serve at these gatherings.” I stepped closer, pressing up against him. “If you have something else to share, though, I’m not opposed to taking advantage of your kindness.”

Tyler gulped and stared into my eyes. I wanted to laugh, because boys were so fucking easy.

“Bella!”

 _Shit_.

I stepped away from Tyler and saw Rose enter the room. For some reason, I felt guilty she’d seen me so close to him, and then I shook off that thought. I had nothing to feel bad about. Edward was the dumbass who’d ruined everything, and he had no problem moving on to the next whore in line. So why did seeing Rose while I was chatting up another guy send me into a slight panic?

“Rose, how are you?” My voice rose with each word.

She smirked and looked at Tyler before moving her gaze back to me. “I’m great…and it looks like you’re doing pretty well yourself.”

“I’ll…see you later, Bella?” Tyler motioned to me as he backed away.

“Uh, yeah.” I watched as he left the room.

“So…” Rose said, bringing my attention back to her.

I felt awkward…really awkward. “So.”

She sighed. “I’m sorry for that. I didn’t mean to run him off, but I really wanted to talk to you. Since your split with,” I glared at her, causing her to skip over my ex’s name. “you and I haven’t had a chance to talk.”

I walked back a couple of steps and leaned against the counter, crossing my arms. “Okay. Talk.”

“The truth is…shit.” She walked over and stood beside me, gripping the countertop behind her. “Emmett told me why you broke up with him.” Her voice was quiet.

So Edward had admitted, to someone, that he’d cheated on me. Great. I wasn’t at the stage where I thought I’d be able to listen to my ex’s best friend’s girlfriend talk about how sorry she was that things hadn’t worked out, and she wished we could have been better friends. Or some shit like that. I didn’t need pity…hers or anyone else’s.

“Rose, why are you bringing this up? I don’t want to talk about it.” I pushed off the counter, but she grabbed me and held my arm tight.

“Please, just let me say this, and I swear I’ll let it go. I owe Edward this.”

Her words stopped me short, because I couldn’t imagine a world where Rose would owe that bastard anything. If anything, I would have thought it was the other way around. I had to admit I was intrigued by the turn of events. “What do you mean ‘you owe Edward this’? He’s the one who made the decision, and he has to live with it. You tell him nice try, but he should go fuck himself.”

“He doesn’t know I’m here. Hell, Emmett has no idea that I planned on talking to you about this. They’d both be pissed if they knew.”

_And the plot thickens._

“Look, Edward once pointed out to me I was making a big mistake by pushing Emmett away. I feel like I need to return the favor. If nothing else, I’ll be even with the house again.”

I was too fucking nice. “Fine.”

“Like I said, Emmett told me what happened. It took him days, but he was finally able to drag it out of Edward. And, if it had been me, I’d have reacted the same way. But, Bella, you don’t have all the facts.”

Awesome. I assumed we’d come to the part where he accidently tripped and somehow managed to get his dick trapped in some slut. I waved my hand in a circle and nodded my head.

“Has he ever mentioned his parents? Or has Tanya, for that matter?” Rose asked, watching my reaction.

That was not what I expected her to say. “Um, no. Not really. The only thing Tanya has said is they leave a lot to take trips.”

She nodded her head. “Well, it’s a pretty well known fact that Mr. Masen has a habit of fucking his secretaries.”

“Ah, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, does it?”

Rose smiled. “You would think that, wouldn’t you? Let me ask you this, though. Why is it that you’re the only girl he’s ever tried to have a relationship with if he’s just like Daddy? Edward’s father has no problem having a wife at home while he chases anything wearing a skirt.”

“So, what you’re saying is I jumped to conclusions?”

Rose stared at me cautiously. “Edward has a lot of growing up to do, and honestly, I think you’d be better off with Tyler. But yes, I do think you ‘jumped to conclusions’. Edward may not always make the right decision when it comes to…well, most things. The one thing he’s always swore he’d never do is be like his father. So, I really don’t think he cheated on you. I can’t tell you what you should do, or even think, about what I’ve said. I just thought you should be aware of the whole story.”

I stood there with my mind running a mile a minute, not knowing if she’d come there on her own or if it was a ploy orchestrated by Edward. It was too much to deal with at the moment.

“I’ve said what I came to say. I’ll leave you alone for now. Just…think about it, okay?”

I nodded, not looking at her. She squeezed my shoulder and left the kitchen. I needed to find James right that second. He was the only person I knew who could give me something to quiet the storm raging inside of my head. Tearing out of the room, I scanned the first floor with no luck.

 _Damn it_.

I flopped down on one of the couches in the front room, not wanting to continue my search upstairs. Who knew what he was doing to Victoria up there.

“You look a little tense.” I looked up and saw Tyler standing over me with a grin on his face.

“You have no idea.” I nodded to the spot beside me, and Tyler sat, setting his arm behind me on the back of the couch.

“Maybe I can help with that.”

I raised my head, taking in Tyler’s facial features, toned chest, and long legs. Rose’s words flitted through my brain. No, fuck Edward. I wasn’t going there. I plastered a seductive smile on my face and ran my finger down Tyler’s chest. “I’m sure you can.”

~.~.~.~

The burn was intense as the drug invaded my nostrils, coating the inside. I threw my head back and opened my mouth wide, staring at the ceiling as the cocaine took hold of me. I was flying…far, far away from all my problems, and the people who continued to try and bring me down. I felt something wet and soft tickle on my neck. Lowering my head, I noticed Tyler was sucking on the skin. It felt nice. It wasn’t toe-curling, but it was…nice.

Giggles erupted from me as I realized I couldn’t think of any other word than _nice_ to describe what I was feeling. Nice rhymed with mice. And mice? They were evil little fuckers who tried to eat all of your cheese. Ew. I wondered if there were some that were hiding in my cabinets. I’d have to get some of those glue traps or something. Hmmm…

Before I knew it, I was on my back with Tyler propped up on his elbows next to me on the bed. Huh. Where did that little tray go? I wanted some more of that stuff. It was awesome.

“Bella, god…I want you,” Tyler panted and rubbed his face against mine. “Tell me you want me, too.”  

His babbling was getting on my fucking nerves. “Quit being a pussy and just fuck me already.”

I felt like a ragdoll being tossed around the bed as my clothes were removed, and then I laughed because the idea of me being a doll was funny. I’d be a shit Barbie, with my brown hair, short legs, and brown eyes. But I’d make a kickass Bratz doll.

Tyler entered me swiftly, and I was jolted out of my internal musings. I could feel his hot breath on my cheek as his thrusts became harder. I moved with him, keeping time with his hips, and I could feel the fire spreading through my insides. He grunted when I rose up and bit his earlobe, causing him to fuck me faster.

As I circled my hips with every one of his thrusts, I could tell I was chasing something amazing. My muscles were tensing, and I was climbing higher and higher. I clawed at his back, trying to ground myself. But it was no use. I left reality and floated in a sea of bliss.

When I regained consciousness, I noticed Tyler was removing the condom from his dick. Fucking gross. No matter how many times I had sex, I never quite got over the mess it left.

The sounds of our breathing were the only thing I could hear. The lamp next to the bed cast an eerie glow in the room; I wondered if the party was over, and if the girls had left me there. _Surely not_ , I thought. _At least, they better not have_.

Tyler crawled back on the comforter and laid down next to me, pulling my body toward his. I lay there, numb. The effects of the drug were wearing off, and I was regretting sleeping with him. I hadn’t had a chance to work out Rose’s words from earlier. I was so fucking stupid.

Then again, maybe it was the push I needed to get rid of Edward once and for all. I didn’t owe him anything, least of all admitting the possibility I might have been wrong. _Fuck him_. I was going to chalk up Rosalie’s words as her doing a favor for her boyfriend, who probably put her up to it in the first place. And I wasn’t going to think about it anymore. 


	14. Catch a Tiger by the Toe

~.~.~.~

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe   
Catch a tiger by the toe   
If he hollers let him go,   
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe

My mother told me   
To pick the very best one   
And you are not it.

~.~.~.~

 

**  
**

I hit the ignore button on my phone and threw it on my bed. Running my hand through my hair, I thought about what an idiot I’d been. My first instincts about Jessica Stanley had been correct, and I should have never let her suck me off in the park that night. I’d been so pissed, I hadn’t been thinking clearly. And my punishment was I had to deal with her blowing up my phone, begging me to give her one more chance.

 _Fuck_.

Stupid bitch never had a chance to begin with. She was just a means to an end. 

As soon as I’d shot my load down Stanley’s throat, I’d realized how badly I’d fucked things up. Instead of letting my fucking pride go and trying to make Bella see, I’d stomped off like a child and drowned myself in the first slut I could find. I hadn’t done anything wrong, but I hadn’t done anything to show her I wasn’t a cheater, either.

 _Great fucking way to show her I’m innocent_.

I’d gone home all depressed and shit. Then I remembered the conversation that had happened just a few hours before. I’d realized there was no way I could have made her see reason, so, at the time, making her hurt as much as I had been seemed like a brilliant plan. I had called Jessica and told her to meet me at school the next day.  

My eyes focused on Bella in between her two best friends as they walked through the front doors. Watching her stand there and knowing I couldn’t touch her, because she didn’t trust me, hurt. I had to grit my teeth and lock down my muscles to let Jessica keep pawing at me while the girl I wanted first registered shock on her face and then hate.

After that day, Bella hardly looked my way again. My plot had backfired in a spectacular crash and had wounded me more than it seemed affect her. To her, I barely existed.

I punched the wall in front of me, feeling the plaster give way. Pulling my hand out of the hole, I hissed as my bloody knuckles came into view. I was coming apart at the seams, and I wasn’t sure how to keep from completely unraveling.

My phone began ringing, and I stomped toward my bed to throw it out the window. The shrill noise was going to drive me crazy. Just as I was about to toss it, I noticed it was Irina calling and not Jessica. I paused, staring down at the phone.

“Fuck it.” I pressed the send button and placed it against my ear. “What?”

“Are you busy?”

I huffed into the quiet room. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with the bitch, tired of listening to her complain about how I wasn’t fucking her.

“Actually...” I started to say.

“Just fucking come over, Edward. I’m tired of you playing me.” The line went dead.

 _Awesome. Another crazy bitch to deal with_.

~.~.~.~

I pulled up to the curb, ready to get it over with. Getting out of the car, I noticed the house was dark as I walked up to the front door. One of the things that had attracted me to Irina in the beginning had been the fact her parents were more concerned with themselves than their children—just like mine. Her older sister, Kate, had escaped Forks two years prior, leaving Irina all alone each time her parents traveled. That had made it easy to make late night calls, because they were gone all the time and Irina practically lived on her own. Things had changed, though, and I really didn’t want to be there.

The door was unlocked, like always, when I turned the knob. I entered the house, knowing that she’d be waiting for me in her room. What I never knew, though, was what state of dress or undress she’d be in. Irina was all about the element of surprise in her seduction. But I was not in the mood for Irina’s games and hoped she’d just want to talk about her “feelings” so I could leave.

Taking a deep breath, I opened the door to discover her naked and spread eagle on the bed. I shook my head and sat down at her desk.

“I’m here…so talk already. I don’t have all night. I’m fucking tired.”

She rolled over and crawled to the end of the bed. “Aw, don’t be like that.”

She reached for me, and I jerked back, standing up quickly. A smirk pulled up her painted red lips as she sat back on her heels. “Oh, so you’re going to play hard to get. That’s fine. That will just make things more fun.”

 “It’s not going to happen, Irina. I’m outta here.”

I turned to leave, and she slid off the bed, blocking my escape. I grabbed her arm and stared down in her eyes. “Get out of my way.”

“You’re so tense, Edward. Let me help with that.”

Her hands ghosted across my chest, and she sank to her knees. I bit my lip as she ran her hand over the traitorous bulge in my pants, and I tried to regain control. I bent down and pulled her up, knowing I was standing on the edge of a cliff. What I didn’t know was if I was strong enough to walk away from the danger. It’d felt like forever since I’d had something good in my life. Something that made me feel like I wasn’t worthless.

The promises to forget all my troubles in the pleasure Irina was offering were too great, and I fell head first off the edge.

Grabbing her by the back of her head, I pulled her to me and devoured her mouth. She moaned and clawed at my shirt, the feel of her nails sending shivers down my spine. I broke away from her and began undressing, my eyes watching her as she walked backward to the bed and crawled onto it. My earlier annoyances with Irina began slipping away as she turned on her back and stared at me. I climbed in beside her and began kissing her again.

Flashes of Bella and me in a similar position invaded my thoughts. I tried to erase them by feeling up Irina. Her hand touching my cock made me jump. I pulled away and saw a smile on her face. Closing my eyes, I tried to forget about my inner turmoil and concentrate on the feel of her fingers.

“You seem lost,” Irina said against my neck.

I hummed, incapable of speech in that moment. Instead, I was too lost in what she was doing to me and, at the same time, trying to keep any and all thoughts of Bella pushed deep into the recesses of my mind.

“I’m going to make you come so fucking hard.” She licked her hand and then gripped me again as she began jerking me off. I arched my back, enjoying the way my body tingled and my balls began to constrict. Just as I felt my orgasm building, she stopped.

I was ready to scream my frustration out into the dark room until she rose up and pulled a condom out from her dresser drawer.  Irina opened the foil packet, took it out, and rolled it on me. The feel of her tight pussy sliding onto my cock made me grip her hips hard. I moaned and thrashed as she began riding me.

“Fuck.” My eyes fluttered shut, and the images of Bella came back in full force. There was no way I could stop them, so I let them come. I imagined it was her that was on top of me, rolling her hips with each of my upward thrusts. Instead of closed eyes, I stared at her perfect tits bouncing in my face. I was so lost in my Bella induced thoughts, I couldn’t remember who I was fucking.

“Goddamn, Bella. That’s it. Ride my cock, baby.”

I opened my eyes when I noticed all movement above me had ceased. Irina was gazing down at me with a strange expression. I mentally cursed myself for calling out Bella’s name.

Irina slid off of me onto her bed, staring at the wall on the other side of the room. “Just…go.”

I sat up and touched her shoulder. “Irina?”

“Go, Edward.” I flinched at the lifeless tone of her voice.

I stood without a word, taking the condom off and tossing it into the trash. Unable to look at her, I dressed quickly and left the room. A part of me—the decent guy that hid somewhere inside me—realized Irina deserved better than how I’d treated her. She’d helped me when Jessica had become too much and slid back into the old patterns we’d established long before without complaint.

That was until I refused to fuck her. Then she’d been nothing but a whiny bitch all up on my dick. I shook my head as I descended the stairs and exited through the front door.

It didn’t take long for me to get home, but I noticed that the lights were still on when I pulled in front of the garage. _Fuck_. I was officially pissed, because the trouble I was about to get into hadn’t been worth it.     

Bitch could have at least let me come.

I sighed as I got out and slammed my door, walking up to the house. My father was standing in the back doorway, and I made sure to shoulder check him as I walked through.

“Watch it,” he warned in a low voice. “You’re in enough trouble as it is. You really don’t want to add to it.”

Flinging myself into one of the kitchen chairs, I challenged the man who I used to call father with my eyes. “Let me guess. You’re going to say ‘you’re grounded, and I’m taking your car keys’, right?”

He turned around and walked to the island, bending his head down and putting his hands on top of it. Just as I was about to make another smart-assed remark, he swiped his hand across the counter, sending the contents crashing to the floor. My father spun and glared.  “I’ve had enough of your mouth. No matter what you think I’ve done to wrong you, I’m still your father. I still deserve respect.”

I snorted and shifted in the chair. “Respect? How the hell do you figure you deserve respect from anyone? Much less me?”

He rubbed his hand over his face and walked over, sitting down in the chair across from me. “This has to stop.”

“You’re right. You need to back the fuck off.”

He narrowed his eyes. “What I mean is that you need to let go of all this hatred you have for me based on things that have nothing to do with you. The fact that I strayed in my marriage has no bearing on how I feel about you or your sister.”

My fist hit the table top. “That’s my mother…!” I pointed in his direction.

“Will you shut up for five seconds?” He looked toward the ceiling and then back at me. “I hate myself for hurting your mother, but I should have never married her. I’ve always known I’d never be able to stay faithful…to any woman. But when I first saw her, I thought that— _maybe_ —I could be with her and only her. She was this beautiful creature I had to know, and I thought I loved her. I was so caught up in that idea of love, it made me think I owed her marriage. That it would, somehow, be some magic cure that would stop me. I was wrong.”

All of the fight drained from me, and I sat back…my mind spinning.

“The only thing marrying your mother did was bring her hurt. I should have let her go, let her walk away, so she could find someone who cared about her. I’m selfish enough to admit that I want her, despite everything I’ve done, and I can’t let her go now.” His eyes held mine.

“But…”

“But what? I’ve made a commitment to her, and I know I’ve broken it over and over again. I know what I need to do, but I haven’t been strong enough to do it. This is my burden to bear, and it has nothing to do with you. You need to let it go and let us handle it.

“You and I are not that much different.” My head snapped toward his. “People talk, and you’ve ended up earning quite the reputation.”

“Fuck you.” The chair toppled over as I stood. “We’re nothing alike.” I leaned over, staring him down.

He laughed, shaking. “If you say so. But…a word of advice? Don’t make my mistakes and tie yourself to some girl you’ll only end up hurting. You might as well stay single and go from girl to girl…”

I couldn’t listen to any more, so I left the room, taking the stairs two at a time.

He was wrong. I was nothing like him.

~.~.~.~

 As the weeks passed, I learned the meaning of agony. And it came in the form of Tyler and Bella.

I wasn’t sure how in the fuck that pussy ended up with her, but he did, and it pissed me off. My stomach tied up in knots, and I felt like I had to vomit every time I saw him walking her to class, kissing her outside each classroom door, and wrapping his arm around her waist every chance he could get.

More than once, Emmett had to hold me back so I wouldn’t knock Tyler’s teeth down his fucking throat. He thought I deserved to watch her move on with someone else after I’d let things go to hell. Emmett believed my story, saying it was probably that prostitute he vaguely remembered me giving a ride to the night we went to that party in Seattle, but that I was insane to just let her go without a fight. He even decked me after I’d told him I’d gotten head from Jessica after Bella and I had broken up when I’d finally caved and told him what had happened.  

I sighed as the homeroom teacher reminded us we needed to get our college applications in before it was too late. I’d already sent mine to New York University, and a few other places, months before. NYU was my first choice school for many reasons, the biggest being it was on the opposite side of the country. As far away from my parents as I could get.

Things weren’t getting any better at home, and my mom had caught my dear old dad fucking yet another young, twenty-something blonde. I wished my mother would just take the fucker for all he was worth and divorce his ass already, but she insisted it wasn’t the right time. Not knowing what the hell that meant, I ended up avoiding her. I couldn’t even look her in the eye anymore without feeling disgust.

The end of the day came quickly, and I went home to an empty house. Even though my parents had kept their word and hadn’t taken off since they’d come home the last time, they still snuck off separately. I no longer cared what either of them did. Those days, I didn’t leave the house after I left school. There wasn’t anything in Forks that interested me anymore.

I jumped when I heard the door slam, pulling my attention away from the television. Shifting my position, I looked over the back of the couch and watched Tanya enter the room. She sat down on the other end of the sofa, rolling her eyes at me. “I’m surprised to see that you’re home. I would have thought you’d have ‘things’ to do.”

I turned around and leaned back, staring at the ceiling. “You would think that, wouldn’t you? Is it that hard to believe I just wanted to stay home?”

“C’mon, Edward. We both know you’re not a homebody. Did Irina finally get tired of your shit and tell you to go fuck yourself?” She giggled.

My knee started bouncing up and down as Tanya’s words struck a cord deep within me. She had no idea just how _tired of my shit_ Irina was, but that was my fault. Didn’t mean I wanted to be reminded about it.

“Why don’t you just go ahead and say what you want to say, instead of playing games?”

Her eyes narrowed. “I would have thought the message was pretty clear when I ripped out your spark plugs. If you want another reminder, though, I’ll be happy to fuck up your car some more.”

“I’m sorry, okay?” I shouted at her, causing her eyes to go wide. “I fucked up, big time, with Bella. I didn’t cheat on her. I took some bitch home from a party in Seattle, and when I went in to get Em some snacks, the fucking slut must have put her panties in my glove box. I didn’t even know they were in there when Bella found them, all right?”

“Stop lying.” Tanya’s fists curled against her thighs.

“I’m not lying, Tanya. My fuck up is that I let her go without a fight, and I’ll forever be sorry I let it happen. If I could change things, I would. I…I care so much about her. I’d do anything to—”

Tanya’s fist connected with my shoulder, and a series of hits followed, making me have to shield my head. She yelled, telling me what a prick I was, and I took it all. I knew it was the least I could do after everything I’d put my sister through.

“I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! You ruin everything!” Tanya’s shrill cries echoed through the room, her blows weakening. I pulled her tightly to me, trapping her arms against her sides. She thrashed and tried to kick me while spewing profanities. I turned and laid us down, capturing her legs with my own and began rocking her back and forth. Her screams eventually turned into tears, and I whispered _I’m sorry_ into her ear over and over until she calmed down.

“What happened to us?” I broke the silence that had surrounded us. “We used to be so close.”

“Mom and Dad happened…and you hit puberty.” Tanya snorted, making me chuckle.

Tanya nudged me, and I released her. She pulled herself up and shifted so I could sit next to her. “I want to believe you, Edward, but you have to know why it’s hard for me to do.”

I nodded my head, disappointed but understanding what she meant. “Maybe Dad is right. Maybe it is better if I stay single for the rest of my pathetic life.”

I felt a slap against the back of my head, causing me to look in Tanya’s direction. She was glaring at me. “And when have you ever listened to that man? You know he’s a worthless excuse for a human being and is always trying to justify his actions.”

“Tanya…”

“No, listen. Despite everything else, I know you don’t make promises you can’t keep. And you’re always honest with those girls. As much as I want to deny it, your only crime is hooking up with crazies.”

She tilted her head and stared, her mouth going wide after a few seconds. “You really didn’t do it, did you?”

“Wait…how did you…?” I let the sentence trail off, confused by her declaration. I was happy she finally believed me, but what had changed her mind?

“I should have known,” she babbled, standing up and pacing. “You’ve always hated what Dad has done to Mom, so how could I have thought you’d do that to Bella?”

I didn’t think she was talking to me anymore, by the way she rubbed her forehead and looked away from me. “Hey.”

Her head snapped toward me, giving me her full attention. “It’s okay. Goodness knows I didn’t deserve for you to be in my corner. I mean, I did fuck your friends. Granted…most of them came after me first, but I should have never let it go anywhere. And for that, I _am_ sorry.”

“Thanks, Edward. It means more than you’ll ever know. I guess I can say some good did come from it. I learned that sluts do not make good friends.” A small grin pulled at her lips.

I shook my head, laughing.

She launched herself at the couch, making me bounce. “So, we need to fix this.”

“Fix what?” I asked slowly, wondering what was going on in her head.

“You and Bella. I admit that you both were happier when you were a couple, and since you didn’t cheat on her, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t get back together.”

 _I love my sister, even if she’s very naïve_.

“Well, you’re forgetting something very important.” I crossed my arms. “You might believe me now, but Bella never will. She really thinks I cheated on her. Nothing is going to change her mind.”

“O ye of little faith. I’ll help you, stupid.” She shoved my arm.

“Don’t get me wrong…I’m glad you’re finally on my side, but…”

“Just…trust me. With me helping you, there is no way Bella will be able to resist you.” 


	15. Pop Goes The Weasel

~.~.~.~

All around the mulberry bush  
The monkey chased the weasel.  
The monkey thought 'twas all in fun.  
Pop goes the weasel.

~.~.~.~

 

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?”

Tyler was right; the slow build I experienced was nothing short of spectacular as the pills I’d taken flowed through my bloodstream. Lying on his comforter and waiting for the drug to take complete hold over me was like touching God himself. Every cell in my body hummed with energy and made me feel like I could do anything. I was invincible.

“You have no idea.” My voice sounded far away.

“I think I do.” His lips curled into a lazy smile as he pulled me to his side.

When Tyler had suggested we come back to his house, I’d been leery. As the weeks passed, I’d questioned my decision to let things happen with him. Edward had hurt me, and I’d acted like a child, not thinking the situation through. That mindset had left me in a state of limbo as Tyler’s sort-of-but-not-really girlfriend. We’d hang out, do drugs, and fuck, but that was about it. I didn’t feel a fraction of the emotions I’d had when I’d been with Edward.

Ever since the night Rosalie had accosted me in the kitchen, my mind hadn’t given me a moment of peace. I hated Rosalie. Hated that she was a nosey bitch who didn’t know when her opinion wasn’t wanted. Hated that she’d felt a need to right the wrongs she felt had been committed. Hated how she still stared at me like she was waiting for something. And I hated, most of all, that she’d planted a seed of doubt.

That was a lie. I didn’t hate Rosalie; not really. I hated that she was right, and I’d ignored her.

My eyes fluttered as Tyler ran his fingers through my hair. It was getting harder to stay focused, and I was so tired. I tried to fight it, but it was no use. I lost the battle and everything went black.

The room was bathed in moonlight when I opened my eyes again. Tyler was lying next to me, fully clothed and snoring lightly. I sat up and stretched, careful not to wake him. Tyler was a decent guy, but he was kind of clingy. He always wanted me around, and I could only stand him in small doses. Spending time with Tyler in his room had been a mistake. While it had seemed like a good idea at the time, he was going to think it had some hidden meaning, and I was going to have to correct him.

I was finding it harder and harder to not associate every place with Edward and our brief past. Going to my house was out of the question, since it had been where Edward and I had spent the majority of our time. Any back road reminded me of the bastard, and at school, his presence was everywhere. The one place he’d never taken me was to his bedroom, his own private sanctuary, and I thought that I’d be safe. I was so wrong. Being in Tyler’s room only reminded me how one-sided Edward’s and my relationship had been. How I’d cared much more for him than he ever had for me.

I slid off the bed and grabbed my shoes, putting them on quickly and quietly. With one last glance around the room to make sure I wasn’t forgetting anything, I left. I had no idea what time it was, but I needed to get home. Who knew what Tyler would think if I was in his bed that morning? I shuddered, not letting that thought go any further.

~.~.~.~

“So, are you going to prom with Tyler?” Angela cocked her head to the side.

I choked on my soda. “What?”

“Prom, Bella.” Angela looked at me like I was stupid. “Are you and Tyler going?”

“Going where?” Tyler slid into the seat next to me, furrowing his brow.

“I was just asking Bella if you guys were going to prom together.” Angela huffed. “But I haven’t gotten an answer yet.”

“You and me both.” Tyler turned his expectant eyes my way. “Bella?”

Well, damn. I’d been avoiding the question for days, ever since Tyler asked me at my locker a week before. I’d not seen the point of going, and I still didn’t.

“Can we talk about this later? Please?” I stared at him, wishing he’d let it go.

“Fine.” Tyler turned to his food.

Everyone else at the table lost interest in the exchange quickly, except Tanya. She continued to stare at me with a strange expression before turning her attention to Victoria. I shook my head, wondering what was going on with her. She’d been like that for a while, acting weird. I’d tried to spend as much time with her as I could after my split with Edward, still wanting her around. I’d meant what I’d said to her and didn’t want to lose her as a friend.

Sometimes, though, I couldn’t do it. Her brother would come up in conversation—what he’d done that morning or how their parents were pissing them both off—and I’d have to try and change the subject. It was painful to hear about him, how he was moving on without me and not react.

I sighed, picking up my fork. I needed to quit dwelling on the past and figure out a way to deal with Tanya talking about her brother. He was a part of her life, so, of course, she was going to mention him. It was an unavoidable fact I was just going to have to get used to.

I’d been the one who’d allowed myself to get involved with Edward. I wasn’t a victim of his wandering eye; I’d been warned and knew what would end up happening. Tanya shouldn’t have to pay for me touching the flame and getting burned.  He couldn’t change what he was.

The rest of the day passed by quickly, my mind distracted. Tyler hinted at wanting to spend time together, but I made up an excuse to get away from him. He was the last person I wanted to be with; I needed some time alone to sort through the mess my life was becoming.

He let me go with a pout, and I tried to keep from rolling my eyes at him. The situation…arrangement…whatever-the-fuck…was getting old, fast. I felt like I’d bounced from one extreme to the next, and I wondered if maybe it was time for me to take a time out from boys altogether. And I could start my plan by breaking up with Tyler that day.

~.~.~.~

Slamming my books onto the table in the library, I flung myself into my seat. Tyler’s insistence on taking me to prom had plagued me for the rest of the day, and as it progressed, I realized things had gone too far, and I needed to end whatever this was. I’d never meant for Tyler to worm his way into my life. He was only supposed to be a fuck buddy, and nothing more. It was my fault for letting things get so out of hand.

My internal bashing was interrupted by Edward’s arrival. He was still sitting at the same table with me, still driving me nuts with his proximity. There were many times I’d wanted to reach out and touch him, missing the feel of his hands on me. I stayed on my side, though, remembering what had happened and knowing my lack of courage to find out the truth had solidified the separation.

I endured the next hour the same way I always did, pretending he didn’t exist. Placing my earbuds in my ears, I hit shuffle on my iPod and picked up my book. I’d had to take drastic measures, because my traitorous brain would keep track of every movement, every sigh, and every glance he sent my way. It was maddening to know, on a subconscious level, I still wanted his attention. No matter how many times I told myself I hated him, it was obvious to me I really didn’t.

A hand grabbed the back of my shirt as I crossed the library threshold. Turning around, I noticed Edward standing there. I glared, and he removed his hand and cleared his throat. “Hey. I, um…”

“What do you want?” I placed my hands on my hips. “I’m kind of busy.”

“I was wondering how you’re doing,” he mumbled and scraped his teeth over his bottom lip. I tried to act like the gesture hadn’t affected me.

“What the fuck ever, Edward. Like you give a damn about me. Just tell me what you want so I can get out of here.” I looked down at the ground, trying to keep my cool. He was pissing me off with his false concern.

His nostrils flared. “Fine. I miss you, okay? What’s it going to take for you to listen to my side of things?”

“I’m outta here.” I started to walk away, but Edward yanked me to a stop. “Goddamn it, Edward! Let me go!”

“No. This is fucking ridiculous, Bella. I’ll be forever sorry I let you believe I fucked around on you. I’m fucking stupid for doing it, but I can’t change it. What I can change is staying away from you one day longer.”

I slapped his hands away. “You don’t get to do this. You fucked someone else. I’m not going to magically forgive you because you say ‘Oops, I lied. It didn’t happen. Oh, and I’m sorry’. I’m not the doormat you want me to be.”

“One way or another, you’re going to realize it _didn’t_ happen.” His eyes bore into mine.

“This is all irrelevant.” I shook my head. “I’m with Tyler, or did you forget?”

He snorted. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want me.”

“I’m going to prom with him, Edward. Just let it go,” I lied, unable to look at him.

His face fell, and his hand released me. As I watched him walk away, I knew it was a bitch move, but I had to protect my heart. No matter how much I wanted him, somewhere deep inside of me, he’d cheated on me. It wasn’t something I could forgive or forget.

“Well, I’m glad you’ve finally decided to go.”

I jumped at the sound of Tyler’s voice.

_Motherfucking great_. It was just my luck he’d heard my exchange with Edward.

“Although, I have to say, I’m a little hurt you told Edward first.” Tyler pouted as he walked around to face me. I was certain he was trying to look sexy, but he was just pissing me off. My plan to dump him that afternoon had been shot to shit, because I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him it’d been a lie, and now I was going to have to go to the fucking prom with him. Someone up there really hated my ass.

“Yeah, I guess.” I rubbed my forehead. “Um, I’ll see you later, okay? Dad wants me home early tonight, so…” I lied for the second time that day.

“Sure. I’ll call you later.” He leaned down and pecked my cheek, walking away and whistling.

_My life fucking sucks._

Tanya met me out in the parking lot and asked if she could follow me home. She had a huge smile on her face that, frankly, was creeping me the fuck out. I agreed, figuring her new crush, Demitri, had probably asked her to the dance. Just because my life was going to hell didn’t mean I couldn’t be a good friend.

“So, did he ask you?” I asked after we’d entered my house.

“What? Oh, yeah. He did. I didn’t think that boy would ever grow some balls and do it,” she said in a distracted tone. _Okay, I guess that’s not the reason for her strange mood earlier._

I flopped down on the couch, turning on the television and staring blankly at it. “I guess I’m going too,” I said, still upset by the turn of events.

A loud squeal made me jump. Tanya launched herself at me, almost knocking me over as she hugged me. “Oh, this is so great. I knew it was only a matter of time before you guys worked it out.”

I pulled back and looked at her, worried about her sanity. “The hell, Tanya? I thought you hated Tyler. You’re always saying what a jerk he is. I thought you’d be pissed. What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Tyler? Wait. What happened?”

“Your fucking brother grabbed me outside study hall and started talking about regrets. Then he tried to tell me he didn’t cheat on me. Can you believe him? Like I’m just supposed to take his word on it.” I rolled my eyes. “I told him I was going to prom with Tyler just to shut him up, but since nothing ever goes my way, Tyler heard me. Which sucks, by the way, because I was going to break up with him this afternoon. But no, now I have to go to the fucking prom with him.” I huffed and glared at the ceiling.

“I told him to ease into it. Boy never listens to me. Idiot,” Tanya mumbled under her breath.

“Wait. What?” My head snapped toward her.

“Huh?”

“Who should have eased into it and didn’t listen to you?” I asked, an uneasy feeling settling in the pit of my stomach at her unintended confession.

She turned red and took a deep breath, grabbing my hand. “Bella, I…uh, damn it. I believe him.” She gave me a pleading glance as I opened my mouth to cut her off. Closing my eyes, I motioned for her to continue. “Edward didn’t cheat on you. I think you should at least hear what he has to say.”

I shot up off of the couch and started pacing, curling and uncurling my fists. “I thought you were on my side, Tanya. How could you? First Rosalie and now you. How did he get to both of you?”

“Rosalie?” she asked with caution.

 I spun on my heel and looked down at her. “Yeah, Rosalie. She fed me some story about how your father is.”

“I’m assuming she mentioned what a piece of crap he is then. It’s common knowledge he fucks around on my mother. Ask anyone. I’m sure they’ll be more than happy to tell you. But Bella, that’s not Edward. He’s always defended Mom. Why would he do the one thing he’s held over our father’s head for years? Edward may be many things, but he’s not a hypocrite.”

“I can’t believe this!” I tugged on my hair. “You’ve always been his biggest critic, and here you are, defending him. What changed, Tanya?”

“I realized I was wrong, and I’m a big enough person to admit my mistake. I’ve always assumed the worst about Edward, because he usually deserved it. But there’s a reason he’s stayed out of relationships. He knew he wasn’t ready to settle down, so instead of hurting some girl like our dad did with our mom, he went from girl to girl. I’m not saying I agree with his choices, but he never lied to anyone. It’s true he was always up front with anyone he was involved with. There were a few girls who told me what he’d said. They just thought they could change him, or he’d fall in love with them after he, well, you know.” Tanya looked down at her lap, fidgeting.

Rosalie’s words had been easy to ignore, because her motives had been questionable at best. Tanya was another story. She’d been there for me many times, and I trusted her. That made it hard for me to just write her off as another person Edward had used to get to me. She was the sister who hated him for years. Because she’d changed her mind, I realized it wasn’t going to be easy for me to keep holding onto my belief that he was guilty.

I sat down, defeated, with the realization I was going to have to deal with my doubts concerning Edward and his supposed crime. I placed my head in my hands and sighed.

“Why didn’t you just say something?”

“I wanted you guys to work it out on your own. I figured you’d eventually see what I saw. Or, at least, it’s what I was hoping for.” Tanya rubbed my shoulder.

I nodded. “I promise nothing. I have to think about this, okay?”

“It’s all I can ask from you. Whatever you decide, Bella, I still love you. You’re the _best_ friend I’ve ever had, and I don’t want to lose you over this,” she said in a small voice.

I looked up and wrapped my arms around her. “I love you, too. I don’t hate you for looking out for him. It’s what sisters do, right? I promise I won’t let this come between us.”

She let out a weak chuckle. “Thanks, Bella.”

~.~.~.~

I was still no closer to a decision as I walked through the gym doors on Tyler’s arm. For the past couple of weeks, I’d watched Edward closer. Things I’d missed while I was busy hating him stared me in the face. He barely acknowledged the girls who practically screamed for his attention, keeping to himself. The only people he did associate with were Emmett and Rosalie, but even then, it was rare. He always had a beaten down and resigned look on his face. It was as if he’d accepted that karma had finally come to collect on his misdeeds. It broke my heart to see him that way.

I’d been so caught up in my own pain, I’d refused to see what was in front of me that whole time. It made me sick to think I had that kind of hate and bias inside of me. I’d sworn long before that I’d never be like my mother: the hateful, judgmental bitch who never listened to reason. Yet, I’d done it to Edward.

 But a large part of me still held onto the possibility that Edward may have cheated and just had everyone fooled. It was too convenient for him to not know where those panties in hisglove compartment had come from. The conflicting arguments of Tanya, Rosalie, and myself made me feel like I was being pulled in all directions. I had no idea how I was going to decide.

“You look beautiful,” Tyler whispered in my ear, interrupting my thoughts.

“Uh, thanks.” I stared out into the gymnasium, trying to ignore him. I’d kept my distance from him since Tanya’s revelation. Tyler had to know I was through with him, but he kept pushing. If it wasn’t begging to hang out, it was his promises of what he could offer me. I hated myself, because I still used him for my habits. The bliss Oxycontins gave was too much to turn down. And because I was weak, Tyler took my acceptance of them as his way of keeping his hold on me.

“You want to dance?” Tyler asked, starting to lead me to the dance floor.

Panicking, I looked around and spotted Tanya sitting at table close to us with Demitri. “Maybe later. I want to say hi to Tanya.”

I pulled him behind me, all but running in her direction. She stood up and hugged me when I reached them. “That dress looks amazing, Bella.” Tanya squeezed me.

“And I still say yours is better than mine.” I shook my head and chuckled, releasing her.

When Tanya, Angela, and I went to Port Angeles to find dresses, Tanya had tried on a pink dress that fit her like a glove. It had straps and hugged her curves, flaring out at her knees. It was perfect for her. Angela and I had told her it was the one. Angela had decided on a yellow dress. It was short, showed a little cleavage, and fit her personality perfectly. I’d settled on a green number that was strapless with a corset bodice that hung toward the floor, ignoring Tanya’s whistles and catcalls when I came out of the dressing room.

We sat down while the boys went to get some punch, and I turned toward Tanya as soon as they were out of hearing range. “I’m going out of my mind.” 

She squeezed my shoulder, my head flopping into my hands. “It’ll be okay. Just dance to a couple of songs with him and then ditch his ass. I’ve already talked to Demitri, and he said we could leave whenever you’re ready. He’s already complaining about his shoes pinching his feet.”

I rose up and looked at her. “I can’t do that to you, Tanya. I’m not going to ruin prom for you just because I hate my date.”

She giggled. “Being here isn’t really that big of a deal for me. I mean, yeah, I wanted to come just so I could say I went to the prom. I really don’t care one way or another. And Demitri only asked because he thought I wanted to go. I’d have been fine renting a hotel room in Seattle and partying all weekend.”

“Well, fuck. I wish you would have said something. We could have totally made that happen.”

“Please tell me one of you snuck a flask of something in here.” Angela flopped down beside me, startling us.

My hand flew to my chest. “You scared the fuck outta me, Ange!”

“You’ll live.” She laughed at me. “Ugh. I can’t stand this. Ben looks so good in his tux, and I want to kill his date. I should have just told Eric no and stayed home tonight, drinking by myself in my room.”

“Aw, Angela, I’m sorry. But Eric is kind of cute. You should take him outside and screw his brains out in his car. I’m sure you’ll have a much better outlook on life if you do.” Tanya giggled, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Seriously, Tanya? How did we ever become friends?” Angela teased, rolling her eyes.

“Because I’m awesome. That’s why.” Tanya nodded.

I smiled at the exchange, glad someone was having a good time. I wondered if I could sneak out without Tyler seeing me. I’d end up having to walk, because Tyler drove, but the hike back to my house would be worth it. I’d be free of him, and I’d have an empty house to myself since Charlie got called into the station earlier.

I scanned the room, plotting my escape. There had to be an exit out of this stupid gym that was next to a dark corner or something. But my plans were interrupted when I noticed Edward leaning against the far wall. He looked amazing with his hair styled in a haphazard mess and wearing tux that accentuated his lean form. Hardly noticing those around him, his eyes examined the room like he was waiting for something.

It was only then I realized he was standing alone, watching the people around him. Where was his date? Surely Edward Masen hadn’t attended the prom by himself. But I knew I was wrong the moment he caught my stare. His eyes locked with mine, a predatory gleam reflecting off the surface.

A few seconds passed, and then Edward pushed off the wall, taking purposeful strides in my direction. My hands began to sweat, and I wasn’t sure if I could have the confrontation guaranteed to take place right there in the gymnasium within hearing distance of the entire senior class. Not to mention, Tyler was lurking around somewhere, due to appear at any moment. My internal thoughts and worries were silenced when he reached the table.

“Hey, Edward,” Tanya said, waving at him.

His eyes left mine for a moment, giving his sister a small grin. “Hey, sis. You look like you’re having fun.”

“Not even. I can’t wait to get out of here.” She smiled and shook her head. “Bella, you should go dance. Tyler’s probably spiking the punch bowl, so it’ll probably be a while before he gets back. I’m sure Edward won’t mind spinning you around the gym a couple of times.”

Edward’s eyes darted to mine, and he raised his brows at me.

I leaned over and mouthed “bitch” to my supposed friend. Tanya cackled, not looking sorry for the predicament she’d put me in. Angela, who had been quiet during the exchange, gave me an encouraging look. Realizing my friends weren’t going to help me out, at all, I sighed and stood. Edward offered me his arm, and I let him lead me out into the crowd.

I placed my arms around his neck as his slid to my hips, grasping them tightly. We swayed to the music, the silence settling over us like a thick fog. I kept my eyes trained behind him and wondered how long I should dance with him for propriety’s sake.

“Bella.” Edward caressed the shell of my ear with his nose.

Damn. He still had the ability to turn me into a pile of goo with the slightest touch.

My gaze snapped to his, and my mouth went dry. Swallowing, I tried to push down all the conflicting emotions that wanted to bubble to the surface. I wanted him; I hated him. He’d hurt me; it hurt to be without him. I needed him; I wanted to push him off a cliff. I felt like I was going crazy, seeing the apology in his eyes, just under the surface, and not knowing if he was a truly good actor, or if he really meant it.

Edward blew out a breath. “Okay, I get it. You have nothing to say to me. I can accept that.” He pulled me closer, and the warmth of his body made it hard to concentrate. “I guess I should just be thankful you’re not running away from me, huh?”

I was only partially aware the music had changed from a slow song to something with a faster tempo, but we stayed locked in our embrace, swaying and turning on the dance floor like we were the only two people in existence.

“I’m at your mercy here. Tell me what I have to do to convince you I didn’t do it. I’m tired, so tired, Bella, of replaying the ‘what ifs’ in my head and trying to figure out what I could have said or done that would have made you see that night. Every time I do, it still turns out the same. I need to know what it is that changes things. That makes you see I never did anything to betray you.”

The emotions brewing behind his eyes were intense, so intense. I put a little space between us, needing it to clear my head. His words make me question my beliefs about him, placing another crack in the wall I’d built up to protect my heart against him. 

“I don’t…I don’t know,” I whispered, wanting there to be some epiphany, some smoking gun, that would prove his innocence to me and make everything better. But there wasn’t. “You were so quick to let it go, let us go, that I don’t know what you could do to prove anything to me.”

He closed his eyes tight, his forehead coming to rest against mine. “Don’t say that. Don’t give up. I’m sorry. You don’t know how sorry I am that I gave up. I’ll do anything to show you I’m serious. Anything.”

The desperation in his voice was hard to take. Edward, the man everyone wanted but was said to have no heart, was begging for another chance with me. It was the stuff out of every cheesy romantic comedy I’d ever watched, a girl’s dream. Yet, his confession and subsequent plea only made me feel hollow.

The situation, I was finally able to admit, wasn’t his entire fault. Instead, I’d let his reputation rule my judgment. All those girls who he’d been with in the past had clouded my perception of who he was. Maybe Tanya and Rosalie were right, and I’d acted rash. Maybe I’d not seen the whole picture and condemned him for something that hadn’t happened. Maybe I’d not had the faith in him he deserved.

Whatever it was, Edward was fighting for me now. I began to see it didn’t matter he’d let me go without a backwards glance the night everything had imploded. Because he was there, letting me in, and it was enough to show me he wanted me. And this was my chance to correct my mistakes and have a little faith.

My fingers slid upward, playing with the strands at the nape of his neck. “I can’t do this anymore.” His face crumpled, and he started to pull away. Not wanting him to misunderstand, I held on tighter. “No, just listen, please. You had your turn. Let me have mine.”

He nodded, his gaze cautious. I loosened my grip and continued, “I don’t think you realize how hurt I was. Or angry. But you’re right. I don’t think anything you could have said, or done, that night would have changed a thing. But I think I might have made a mistake.”

A hopeful look crossed his face as his grip on my hips tightened. “What changed your mind?”

“I realized that, while it was so easy for you to give up, I never had faith in you. So, it’s just as much my fault as it is yours. And I’m sorry for that...”

The rest of my speech was cut off by his lips crashing into mine. My body sighed in relief as he devoured me, missing his kiss, his touch, so much. Pressing my body closer to his as we continued our frantic kissing, I felt like I couldn’t get close enough. I craved him. I needed him. I wanted to bury myself inside of him and never leave.

And then he was gone. Stunned, I watched as Tyler towered over Edward, who was sitting on the floor.

“Who the fuck do you think you are, touching my girlfriend?” Tyler’s fists clenched at his sides.

Edward let out a chuckle, standing up and brushing himself off. “I think we’d both agree it’s not true anymore.”

“You son of a bitch.” Tyler began to lunge.

I ran quickly, placing my hand on Tyler’s arm. “Stop it.” Pulling on his sleeve, he turned to face me. “I’m not your girlfriend. I never was.”

Tyler’s face scrunched up. “Are you fucking kidding me? So you’re saying every time we hung out, every time we fucked, it didn’t mean anything to you? Bella, I—”

Edward pushed him, stopping his words. Tyler recovered quickly, hitting Edward in the face. Both boys began throwing punches and yelling profanities at each other. I stated to move toward them, hoping I could stop them fighting, but two strong arms caught me from behind. I began to kick and demand the person let me go, only to be silenced when they spoke in my ear.

“You’re going to get hurt. Just stay back.” Emmett tightened his hold and then released me.

“But…but…” I stammered, not knowing what to say.

“Don’t worry. I got them. Edward deserved to get a couple of punches in. Maybe now he’ll quit bitching about the prick putting his hands on you.” Emmett chuckled and then grabbed Edward, pulling him back.

I watched as Tyler sucker punched Edward in the stomach, before two teachers restrained him. I couldn’t hear what was said, but then Edward and Tyler were walking toward the exit. I tried to follow, but was stopped by another teacher and told to stay, or I would be asked to leave. Pissed, I turned, noticing Rosalie standing behind me. I smiled and both of us walked toward Tanya, who was standing at the edge of the crowd in shock.

The music began playing again—I hadn’t noticed it had stopped—as I reached her. She threw her arms around me and hugged me tight, telling me over and over it was going to be okay. But as I stood there, I knew it wasn’t going to be okay. My stupidity was going to get Edward in trouble.

And my fears were confirmed as I stood, waiting for Edward to come back. The gym door opened, and I saw my father and two deputies walking in. I closed my eyes as a few tears slid down my cheek. The need to hurt Edward as much as he’d hurt me had blown up in my face. I was positive he was never going to forgive me.  

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank the wonderful ladies who help me make this story pretty--dinx, DivineInspiration, Mizzdee, and Vampire Extraordinaire. I appreciate all their hard work more than they'll ever know.


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